Why Does God Allow Suffering?

“I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal. When friends said, “Everything will turn out all right,” I didn’t believe a word they said.” Psalm 77:2; MSG

Currently I am going through a training course geared toward providing pastoral care in a hospital setting. The course is rooted in the principles of Christian love and Christian care giving. Since it is taught in a hospital that is not faith-based we are challenged to move outside the “Jesus is the answer” box and provide Christian care without invoking the name of Christ out of respect for those whose faith journey follows a different path. This is hard for some, as all of us in the class have testimony to how being a believer has made all the difference in how we cope with and handle the presence of suffering in our lives. It proved an especially challenging exercise given the question we faced in our most recent class: "Why does God allow bad things to happen?"

We were given the week between classes to ponder the question and prepare for discussion. My thoughts on it ranged from answers found in my Christian faith to principles and ideas from Eastern religions, different philosophical musings and the plain ol’, “It is what it is,” ideology. I also asked a lot of people around me to hear their thoughts on the subject. In AA meetings that week I listened a little harder when people shared how they moved through trials and what their varied spiritual experiences were and are.

For the duration of class we carried on a very involved discussion. We covered every range of answers and lack thereof, we explored rebuttals, some shared stories, many shed tears, some struggled with how not to try to lead someone to Jesus or give "cheap grace." One gentleman especially struggled tonight because this coming Saturday is the one-year anniversary of his beloved wife's death. His faith was evident though, as through his tears he continued to give thanks and praise to God and shared how God moved through his wife's illness and death and the growth he experienced as a result. After class he was visibly having a hard time holding it together, so I walked over to give him a hug and he burst into sobs, lifting me off the floor as I hugged him tightly and he cried. I just held onto him for a little bit, then when I sensed his breathing slow, I told him I loved him, gave him an extra squeeze and walked away.

Ultimately, that is what I walked away with from the discussion. I'd gone in having concluded that I have plenty of answers to that question that can be tailored to all different kinds of people, but none is ever sufficient. In those crisis moments, those Psalm 77:1-10 moments, there isn’t really anything anyone can do or say to sufficiently explain suffering in a way that will bring comfort. However, I was unable to resolve that conclusion, thinking, okay, so then what? The lightbulb moment came in listening to everyone, to how much we want to fix people and show them the way, to the reminders from the chaplain that we are in the process, not the results, understanding it's okay not to have all the answers – perhaps the best answer is no answer at all, but a demonstration of Love through the simple act of having the Grace to allow people to be where they are, listening, genuinely caring and unconditionally loving. I believe, as experienced with my classmates and aware of it in myself, that sometimes we get so focused on how we can be of use and what that looks like that we forget to stay in the moment and instead block the incoming flow from the Spirit because we are trying to think our way to the best way rather than just letting God have his way.

I pray today that I may better learn how to let the Holy Spirit move through me, especially in opportunities to allow people to be where they are. May I be an instrument of God not only in my speaking, but even more so in my listening.

Amen!

Today, I Stop and Think

Psalm 116:115

“When they arrive at the gates of death, God welcomes those who love him.”  (MSG)

I am aware that there are other dates marking great tragedies which have happened in my young lifetime, but none has impacted me because they all seem remote and foreign.  While this morning many Americans have a moment of silence to remember the lives lost on September 11, 2001, I think also of the troops who have given their lives in service to our country since.  I remember and pray for especially my very good friend who is on yet another tour of duty in the Middle East. 

I also think of the citizens of those and other countries, who have suffered unimaginable living conditions and know nothing better.  I think of peoples who have suffered mass genocide at the hands of a murderous dictator.  I think of those who have suffered torture of the most barbaric kind.  I think of those who are forced to flee as refugees into a foreign place where they may not be welcomed.  I think of those who have none of what we as Americans consider our most basic human rights and freedom.

When I stop and think about it, there are many evil awful things that happen in this world.  Which is why I generally don’t stop and think about it.  Yet on this day we pause to remember, I choose to stop and think. 

Today’s verse says at death God will welcome those who love him.  I believe this applies to all people.  Every human on earth may not know the God I know, but we all each are little pieces of God (made in his image!).  God loves every piece of himself, in death we all return to being one with him and he welcomes us all home. 

As we say during the Prayers of the People (form III out of the Book of Common Prayer) at my Episcopal church,

“We praise you for your saints who have entered into joy;
May we also come to share in your heavenly kingdom.”

Today, my prayers are with all those who lost loved ones on this day, those who have sacrificed their lives fighting for peace and those who continue to fight in service to our country.

Amen.

David's Got the Right Idea

Psalm 77:2

Psalms are pretty popular, and for good reason.  Throughout all the psalms, David is a roller coaster of human emotion.  I see myself in many of his words and can identify with a lot of his feelings.  While I have to turn some verses into metaphors for my own life (i.e. I am not a king and do not fight battles against other nations), many ring clear and true written just as they are in just about every version of the bible.

I have plenty of highlighted verses throughout the book of Psalms.  Having spent so much of my life in pain, many of them are verses which highlight David's anguish, his times of sorrow, when he fears that God has turned his back. 

In today's psalm, my highlighted verse is verse 2: "I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.  When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right," I didn't believe a word they said."  (MSG)

This is one of the reasons I love The Message and the way it is written.  So often, in all my times of distress, friends would attempt to comfort me by saying some form of those exact words.  Other versions of the bible read that David's soul was not or refused to be comforted.  I do identify with those words as well, but the way it is spelled out in The Message carries far more weight for me.  "...my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal."  Throughout many of my darkest times I wrote a lot of poetry.  One untitled poem from 2004 begins,
      
       "It's a scar that's still an open wound
       that no amount of time can seem to heal..."

Over and over again, I identify with David's pain.  "I'm desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather." Ps 55:8 (MSG)  "I'm caught in a maze and can't find my way out, blinded by my tears of pain and frustration. ... For as long as I remember I've been hurting."  Ps 88:9, 15 (MSG)  "Long enough, God - you've ignored me long enough."  Ps 13:1 (MSG)

The neat thing about David and his psalms, though, is that verses like those are very few.  Verses expressing pain and grief are not few, but in most of the psalms, David immediately asks God for help or reassures himself by ruminating on God's love, strength and forgiveness.  "And me?  I'm a mess.  I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me.  You can do it; you've got what it takes..." Ps 40:17 (MSG)  "If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it.  The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up." Ps 94:17-19 (MSG)

While David has his moments where he is stuck in the pit, trapped in that dark place, more often than not he quickly runs to God for rescue.  Without hesitation, he lifts his hands high so that God may grab onto them and haul him out of the pit. 

Without hesitation, he lifts his hands high so that God may grab onto them.

When I am in so much pain, it is easy for me to forget God's heavenly mercy.  It's easy for me to forget that God wants to give me joy.  It's easy to forget that it is from God that I draw strength, it is God who saves me, and it is God who covers me in his grace.  I need to take a lesson from David who, in the midst of a losing battle, trusts that God will bring him through.

Amen!  :D

Can You Hear Me Now?

Matthew 9:14-17

Though only a few verses long, this gospel lesson packs quite a punch if I listen, really listen to what it is saying.

In the bible translation, The Message, there are several times that Jesus asks, "Are you listening to this?  Really listening?" (Matt 13:9, for example)  I feel as though he is likely saying this after every lesson, even if it isn't written.  This is because he knows he has a limited amount of time to get the Good News out to the people and he wants to make sure they get the point.

God is Love & Light.  God is Forgiving.  God wants us to be Happy.

In this lesson, John's followers want to know why Jesus' followers do not fast as they and the Pharisees do.  Jesus resplies that one does not mourn at a wedding, and in The Message, he even says, "This is Kingdom Come!" Matt 9:15b

In an attempt to better understand this (am I really listening?), I have five different translations of the bible sitting open in front of me.  In all of them, John's followers ask about fasting.  In all of them, Jesus asks if wedding guests would mourn or be sad while the groom is still with them.  The New American Bible has a footnote explaining that, "Fasting is a sign of mourning and would be as inappropriate at this time of joy, when Jesus is proclaiming the kingdom, as it would be at a marriage feast."

"Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matt 6:10  "This is Kingdom Come!" Matt 9:15b (MSG)  Am I listening?

I can mourn when Jesus isn't with me.  Which means that I have no need for sadness because Jesus is always with me.  "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:11 (NIV) 

So I shouldn't go moping around and complaining.  I need to put my nose in the Good Book and really listen.  The Kingdom is here - I just need to open my eyes and my heart to see it.

Amen!  :D