Just. Be. Still.

“Relax, Daniel, don’t be afraid. From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

I got up on the wrong side of the bed today. I was in good head space when I went to sleep, but I woke up angry and combative. Never a great way to start the day.

The day started anyway, and I worked to stop the running arguments in my head as I went through my usual morning motions. I sent up a handful of hurried prayers for God to release me. The arguments persisted. I grabbed a notebook and angrily wrote out about three or four pages of what was going on in my mind. If it hadn’t been for time, I would’ve written more. As I threw together my things to hurry out the door for work, I dialed my sponsor in hopes of releasing some of the tumult. No answer.

Arriving at work, I glossed the subject with a co-worker and friend in whom I can confide, touching only the basic idea of what had me so afflicted. He offered some limited perspective and helped by giving me a couple of extra things to consider. I calmed a bit and began my work day. As I feel tends to happen when I am already in a state of agitation, several things popped up just within the first three hours that grated on my raw nerves. Another co-worker approached and undeservedly received a barrage of angry words about the things that had irritated me in the past hour.

Knowing I needed to do something to change my attitude, I stepped outside to take a few minutes and pray. The first thing that came to my mind was the Prayer of St. Francis. Following that, a few deep breaths in stillness and earnest requests to God to help me seek to be compassionate and understanding. Opening my eyes I picked up my Bible and the page fell open to Daniel. Highlighted on the page, I saw first, “’Don’t be afraid, friend. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. Take courage. Be strong.” (Daniel 10:19; MSG) As I read and re-read the words, I indeed felt peace seep in.

Further up on the page the highlighted words, “From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

As I sat in my car and breathed in the warmth and sunshine wafting in through the open windows, the war of the morning subsided.

I just needed to be still for a few minutes, call out to God from the stillness, then sit with him in the stillness. Why, oh, why, oh, why does it seem so difficult for me to just. be. still. It is one of the primary reasons why one of my Lenten commitments was to this blog. As evidenced by the lack of recent posts, I allowed other things in life to win out yet again. Always there is the struggle to differentiate between treating myself with grace and allowing behavior to continue that is inconsistent with what I believe or what I desire in my life.

And ultimately, that is the underlying issue right now with anything I approach.

So here is a revision for this last week and a half of Lent, most especially for Holy Week, a time to which I should devote myself in earnest to what the week remembers. If I write a reflection, great. If I don’t get to it, no sweat. More importantly than anything else, I need to spend time in stillness. So my commitment is to make that time. To apologize to anyone or anything that I must miss for it, and to make that time. To show God I’m serious about this and I want my relationship with him more than anything else.

My prayer today is that those of you who stumble across this blog and also struggle with stillness find the strength with me to sit quietly with God every day. To make space for God rather than fit God in.

Amen.

God and Donuts

“Only take care, son of man, that you don’t rebel like these rebels. Open your mouth and eat what I give you.” (Ezekiel 2:8, MSG)

This morning I ate six donuts. After the sixth, I got a spoon and scraped the sugary, oily glaze off the bottom of the empty box. Doing this broke several of the commitments I’ve made to God and to myself regarding food & nutrition, and already I can feel the unpleasant side effects starting to take shape. It is safe to say I am not at my spiritually (or physically) healthiest this morning.

The part of me that likes to make excuses says, “Well, eating six donuts certainly is preferable to drinking or putting other mind-altering substances in my body. God can forgive this.” Perhaps this is true. After all, God forgives everything. But getting down to the bottom of it, I didn’t need to eat the donuts at all. It was a cop-out, a diversion, and in its own way, abuse of a mind-altering substance. How about that? Donuts are a mind-altering substance. A lot of food can be. Especially for people like me who struggle with various forms of food addiction and eating disorders.

With all of the spiritual, therapeutic and programmatic tools I have for addressing and dealing with stress and difficult situations, why did I feel the need to plow through a box of donuts? It’s worth examining. Was it rebellion? An act out of anger at the situation presenting as the stressor? Was it simply not having the energy to exercise impulse control?

From the moment I made the conscious decision to get in the car to go buy donuts, I knew it was a bad idea. With every bite of each of the six donuts, I hated what I was doing. The act also brought to light an interesting revelation: eating the donuts opened a door for self-loathing and flagellation, things which now I strive to avoid doing, but once defined a comfortable misery in which I lived. Yet another indicator of an unhealthy spiritual condition. Being hard on myself is easier than being hard on anyone else.

So why did I do it? I honestly believe it comes back to rebellion. Given that I knew what I was doing with every step and bite I took, I have to believe it was rebellion. I’ve seen how well I’ve managed the impulse control recently with food, so I really don’t feel I can blame it on that. It was rebellion. I was unhappy with how a situation presented itself and, in anger, I ate donuts at God. I did not eat and enjoy them with God or bless God for them or bless them as gifts from God; I ate them in open defiance, eating them at him. As with anything that happens in that manner, though, I only harmed myself.

Withholding forgiveness and giving into certain temptations can bring about the same result. We get angry with a spouse, so we drink to get back at him, yet we harm ourselves. We get angry with a sister, so we stop talking to her to get back at her, yet we harm ourselves. We get upset about something at work, so we take it out on others in our job, yet we harm ourselves.

There is a quote I’ve heard repeated several times that says, “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Well, not forgiving God is like eating six consecutive donuts and waiting for him to feel sick, get bloated, experience a sugar crash and not fit into his jeans.

It’s okay to get angry with God. What’s not okay is to cause harm to myself or others because I don’t like how life came at me on any particular day. What’s not okay is forsaking working toward being a healthier me because I’m upset about something. I am human; I will fall. But every time I recognize my fall, I have the opportunity to turn my face upward, reach out my hands and say, “Okay, that was dumb. Please help me get up and please show me how I can do this better next time.”

My prayer today is that as I find the strength to ask God to grant me grace in dealing with myself, that you also find that grace. May we find the grace to forgive God for not giving us life as we pictured it and may we find the grace to forgive ourselves for the negative ways we respond when life gets hard.

Amen! =D

Am I Consistent?

“You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe, then you know you are out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong.” (Romans 14:22-23; MSG)

This topic is on my heart tonight. It’s been on my heart more than usual recently, and certainly is on my list of things for self-examination this Lent. Especially as I write these devotionals and publish them in a public forum, I must ask myself, “Do people in my inner circle see behaviors, actions and attitudes in my life that reflect what I claim to believe?” ¹

Tough question.

I find the thing I’m grappling the most with right now to be selfishness. It’s so very easy to explain away a lot of my selfishness. I do give a lot of time and energy to people and things outside of myself. Some people even tell me they consider me selfless. But I know in my heart that I still could do better. Isn’t that always my battle, though? Constantly striving to be a better version of myself?

Perhaps the reason for the nag on my heart about being selfish is connected to a recent event in which I acted out of selfishness. Perhaps it is a recent event where self-will dominated, not God-will. Perhaps I’m simply feeling over-sensitive given some recent emotional events.

Perhaps God is letting me know it’s time again for growth.

Often when I feel something so heavily on my heart it is a good indicator both that my behavior requires some examination and also that it’s time to grow a little stronger in that area. Where am I selfish? Why do I feel the need to be selfish in that situation? What can I do to change the behavior? Am I lacking firm boundaries? What is the nature of the relationship in which I feel selfish? Is it healthy?

Of the many little cards and notes of prayers, inspirational sayings and scripture I have around my home, one says, “Lord, I want to be more like you. May I see where changes are necessary, and trust you for the help I need.”

Sometimes when my eyes pass over this card I find myself unwilling to read through it because I know it can mean hard evaluation and difficult change.

Following Jesus is not a calling to take lightly. Constantly striving to be more like him means constantly fighting my human nature. I am not naturally selfless; by nature I am selfish. And in my selfish nature I can end up withholding love from those who need it, wasting gifts God so graciously gave me, and hiding my light under a bucket.² I don’t want to be that girl.

My prayer today – as I suck in my breath, preparing for hard work ahead – is that God reveal to me where I am selfish and that I trust him to help me make a change. No excuses. I also pray that God grant me the ability to have grace and patience with myself, as I am human and therefore often prone to falling short of my expectations.

Amen! =D

¹ “Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by your integrity.” (1 Timothy 4:12; MSG)

“Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts.” (James 3:13; MSG)

² “You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? Shine!” (Matthew 5:14-16; MSG, para.)

This verse appears in an earlier reflection as well.

Spiritual or Worldly?

"The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. Spirit can be known only by spirit - God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion."  
(1 Corinthians 2:14; MSG)

In my limited experience from this corner of society, on the whole we are not concerned with spiritual matters. We are materialistic consumers who want what we want and we want it now. We are on the go, always busy, not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not spending enough time nurturing ourselves. Go, go, go; work, work, work; do, do, do; spend, spend, spend. We compete for status, trying to keep up with the Jones's possessions, job titles, social circles, piety. Sometimes we compete with the non-conformists, trying to prove that we can conform the least and therefore better than the others.

Even churches and places of worship compete in this world for which denomination (or lack thereof) best exemplifies what it means to be Christian or who lives out the Bible as precisely as possible regardless of inconsistencies. The true meaning of what we claim to believe and follow gets lost and trampled underneath arguments, discord and rivalry.

It is impossible, when wrapped up in all these things, truly to be spiritual. How can I expect to connect openly with God if I'm placing all these other things before him?1 How can I receive what he is so ready and willing to give if I'm too busy trying to get things in this world?2

There is a movement taking place, though, which is pushing more toward the spiritual side of life. Right now it manifests itself in various forms other than religious. A few examples are: Nutrition & fitness self-care, a grassroots effort to move people to healthier eating and living while also taking better care of our God-given planet; Random acts of kindness as a steady trend with an upward swing showing our desire to love our neighbor and make the world a better place; Working for freedom of the expression of love among each other and the different ways that may look in order that we might find harmony.

People yearn for more. We're ready to move out of the desert and stop going in circles around the mountain.3 We are hungry for the spiritual, although it still may seem too taboo among some social groups to admit it. So we move about the undercurrent of acceptable forms of spiritual living, at times completely unaware that what we are doing is exactly that for which God hopes - moving closer to him as we open to our own spirit and in doing so open to God's Spirit. Then, living, breathing and moving together in communion with him, we find our gifts from God.

My prayer today is that I remain focused, not allowing the things of this world to jockey for position with God. In the moments that worry, fear or anything else seek to distract me, I pray for God's wisdom to guide me in righting myself that I may remain open - my spirit and God's Spirit in communion - living and using my gifts to the glory of the Lord.

Amen! =D





1-"Be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do." (James 1:6-8; NLT)
2-"So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give." 
(Hebrews 4:16; MSG)
"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving." (Matthew 6:31; MSG)
3-"Then we turned around and went back into the wilderness. We worked our way in and around the hills for a long, long time. Then God said, "You've been going around in circles in these hills long enough."
(Deuteronomy 2:1-3; MSG para.)

Kindness is Catching, You Know

2 Timothy 2:20-26

“Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing.” (2 Tim. 2:21; MSG)

I refuse not to believe in the basic good of all people.

What it comes down to is that we all have pasts. We’ve all been hurt, mistreated, abused, used, abandoned, praised, loved, hated, worshiped, forgotten, lied to… Everything everyone says or does is directly influenced by what happened to her and how she has or has not dealt with it.

This in no way excuses poor behavior, it merely explains it.

But at the core, at the seed of our being, we are all good people. God created each one of us, after all. Yet while God is so Amazing and Wonderful and Good, the world we created with our free will is often harsh and cynical and terrifying.

Society – at least in the corner of the world with which I am familiar – is far more slanted toward the negative than the positive, and more toward the individual than the group. Social implications teach us to tear others down to make ourselves look or feel better rather than build each other up. Tabloids and gossip shows exploit the famous, highlighting their faults and failures. Reality shows are often edited to show people at their worst, treating each other poorly and creating unnecessary drama. We find this entertaining, I think, because seeing what’s wrong with others’ lives makes us feel better about our own. Bad day at work? Boss was mean? Go home, kick back to reality TV and feel better by watching the petty drama. Or turn on the news and feel better about the blah of life because at least we aren’t in Syria, our kids haven’t been kidnapped, or our house didn’t catch fire.

Imagine what would happen if all that was taken away. Imagine if we focused on the good things and didn’t glorify negative news. Imagine what the world would be like if we really did just love each other.

These days, as I continue growing in my spirit-filled life, I work hard to stay positive, to encourage others, to give compliments, perform random acts of kindness, go out of my way to be nice to others – even if they aren’t nice to me. It does not take long to see the impact this has on the people around me. And I’m just one person!

Robin Sharma, an inspirational author, once said, “Leave each person better than you found them.” I was taught growing up to leave a place better than I found it. (Babysitting? Clean up a little bit, even if they didn’t ask.) I love, love, love the idea of applying that to people and I am implementing it into my behavior. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a coworker, family member, or clerk at the grocery store. Smile, be polite, engage. Doing that we just might make someone’s day.

I remember an email chain going around once that was the story of two boys, one of which was severely bullied. One day, the second boy went out of his way to be kind to the first, walking home with him and talking to him about the day. Years later, the bullied boy told the second boy that he had planned on killing himself that night until the second boy was nice to him. That one act of kindness gave him enough hope to carry on. We may never know what chain reaction our kindness has, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it can have incredible power! A kind word, a smile, a nice gesture…  Who knows what it could do for someone?!

So how does this relate to my refusing not to believe in the basic good of all people? In my interactions with others, it is that Good Seed God planted toward which I speak and act. If someone is rude toward me, I don’t talk to the rudeness. I reach out to the Good Seed. If someone offers harsh criticism, after he walks away I pray over his day and whatever may be going on in his life (Matt 5:44).

Now, it is important to bear in mind that this is a Christ-like attribute toward which to strive. It is an aspect of a spirit-filled life, a God-gift. We must, must, must always remember that we are human, we are not perfect, and we will not be able to keep this up 100% of the time. There is stuff going on in our lives, too. Just yesterday I allowed tired frustration to color my interaction with a pharmacy associate. She was only kind to me, but I was tired after a long day of work, irritated that they didn’t have what I wanted, beyond ready to go home, and therefore not as pleasant as I could’ve been. Even Jesus couldn’t keep it up 100% of the time (“Jesus was irate and let them know it…” see Mark 10:14), and if HE couldn’t do it, WE certainly can’t expect to. The key is to keep that in mind, to heighten our awareness of our attitudes toward others, to recognize and acknowledge when we fall short, and to pray about it, asking for forgiveness and the strength to do better the next time.

My prayer tonight is that I continue to work toward kindness, to seek out the Good Seed in everyone I meet, and that I can create sparks and light matches that help spread the Holy Fire of God’s Grace and Love.

Amen!  :D

Don’t Doubt, Just Do

“Whenever someone has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely.” (Matthew 13:12; MSG)

By far, one of the more difficult things for me to trust in this faith life is whether a message/thought/idea comes from God. In the past I lived in my own world in my head coming up with grand ideas and creating situations and relationships that often were not real. And when I would venture to pursue something I thought I’d perceived, I’d end up getting hurt or looking like a fool. Back then, if you gave me a crumb, I’d turn it into an entire shop full of baked goods.

I understand a lot of it was escapism. The world in my head provided a break from what I knew as a dark reality. In my head people liked me, I had friends, love was possible. In the world people bullied me, betrayed me, cheated on me. In my head I could be happy. In the world I saw no way out of my pain.

In this faith life my reality is very different. I am very different. When I find myself trying to escape into my head these days it is usually because I am avoiding a task God has given me that I do not want to do. And it is consistently fear-based.

The rational part of me knows that, with God, I have nothing to fear. But I am human. In my avoidance of his request, I begin to doubt, and I question whether or not it came from him or if I’ve made it up in my head. In my heart, I usually know the answer. But there were a few times I escaped into my head launching off the very thing God gave me to do and therefore completely and totally convoluted the whole matter.  The last time it happened I had myself worked into such a frenzy that I teetered on that old edge of self-destruction, nearly ruining a lot of good things I’ve got going in my life.

All because I couldn’t trust God because I didn’t want to accept something he put in my path.

My resistance, not the thing’s existence, was the source of my turmoil.

So now I find myself rolling down a similar, yet far less devastating snowy hill as I hem and haw over what he asked me to do. Because I’m worried about me. I got far enough into my head about it that I began to question my motives and if this really is a task from God. Yet I know, and I knew the moment he said it, that it came from him. Imagine how much time I’d save and trouble I’d miss if I followed through in the beginning! The fruit I daily see in doing just that is amazing...

So why do I still fight?

I’m human. This faith life is still pretty new to me. This trusting God, receiving his messages and honestly striving to live in his will thing is still pretty new. When I stopped and earnestly prayed about this situation, an answer came. Still, I doubted. So I opened the bible and God handed me Matthew 13:10-17.

As always, if I am listening, he speaks.

“But you have God-blessed eyes – eyes that see! And God-blessed ears – ears that hear!” (Matthew 13:16; MSG)

My prayer tonight is that I will seek to take this action the moment I feel any doubt or fear about something God has placed on my heart. Pray. Pick up the bible. Pray some more. Do.

Amen!  :D

I Heart Hugs From Jesus

“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13; MSG)

As small children, when we fall and scrape a knee or the neighborhood bully teases us, we run to our caretaker. For many, this means mom or dad. For some it may be a grandparent or an older sibling. (Others are not so fortunate to have that someone at all.) We run crying into the outstretched arms of our person, and she hugs us, wipes away our tears, uses her shirt to clean the snot from our faces, and reassures us that everything will be all right. Over time, as we grow, this relationship may change form, but if we are lucky, we can still run into the outstretched arms of someone who loves us dearly.

There were a lot of times in my life when I was really hurting, but didn’t run into anyone’s arms. I was too afraid of being a burden, of worrying someone too much, of bogging someone down with a problem with which I knew no one could help me. The loneliness I caused myself with this thinking was nothing short of stifling. Maybe no one could fix my problem, but I wouldn’t even let anyone be there for me, just to love, support and maybe comfort me.

I know it was a trust issue. I didn’t trust anyone enough to do the right thing. I’d been burned far too many times by most, and when it came to my mom, I didn’t want her to have any more reason to worry about me than she already did. I didn’t trust her ability to handle me sharing my hurt with her.

Is it any wonder that this lack of trust extended to God?

Though I so often fervently and desperately cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t trust him to do it. I did not let go and trust he would catch me. I did not run into his arms. I did not allow him to hold me or to comfort me. I complained, I shouted and screamed at times, asked the persistent question of “WHY?” without really listening for the answer, or if I heard it, deciding it wasn’t the answer I wanted.

There is a song, The More I Seek You, that is beautiful in its simplicity and imagery of a very real and tangible Jesus. A few months ago at a church women’s retreat, we sang this song several times, and it was then that I realized why it touched me so much.

God is not always presented as a personal, tangible God – which he very much is. And in this chapter of my journey with him, I find that I fall more and more in love with him as he becomes more personal to me. I can close my eyes and see myself running into the arms of my Heavenly Papa, who will hold me and love me, comfort me when I am sad, tell me everything will be okay when I worry, and heal me when I am hurting. I can close my eyes and get a big bear hug from Jesus, walk hand in hand with him on the beach, lie on my back in the grass with him beside me, my best friend.

What changed? Well, for one thing, I trust God now. Even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to, I trust him. I also actively seek him. I spend time in the Good Book, spend time in meditation, spend time talking to him, hanging out with him, praising him. And he tells me over and over again, “You are my precious child. You belong to me and I love you so very much. I am always right here by your side, with you everywhere you go.”

And the more I trust him, the more I can trust others in my life, too. It is a slow process. I know they will let me down – we are human, it happens. But I feel safer knowing I’ve got God beside me, there to catch me if I am dropped, there to hold me and dry my tears, there to place his healing hand on my hurting heart.

“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” (Jeremiah 29:13-14; MSG)

My prayer today is that we all can move closer to our God, to know that we absolutely can run into his arms anytime we need or want. His arms are open, outstretched and waiting, and there isn’t a soul he will turn away.

Amen!  :D

Who Do You Think Inspired Newton?

Source: www.asc-csa.gc.ca

Romans 11:32

”In one way or another, God makes sure that we all experience what it means to be on the outside so that he can personally open the door and welcome us back in.”  (MSG)

Evil must exist so that I may know Good.  Darkness must exist so that I may know Light.  I must know myself as I Am Not in order to know myself as I Am.  Without one, I cannot know the other.

Newton’s Third Law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  The New Testament is full of warnings that the closer we get to God, the more we shall be persecuted.  In those days, this often referred to the suffering and hatred early Christians endured just because they followed Jesus.  The key thing to remember, though, is that this also applies to the forces of evil which wish to work against us.  The more I move toward God, the more the enemy is going to try to push me back.

It is clearly illustrated in the story of Job that God allows Satan to bring great suffering upon Job.  Over and over, especially after natural disasters or sudden deaths, the question is asked, “Why does God allow bad things to happen?”  At the end of Job’s suffering, God blessed him in ways he couldn’t even imagine.  And in the wake of great disasters we often see an uprising of human good – be it humanitarian aid, people coming from all over to help out at the scene of the catastrophe, or just general human kindness and giving.  Following the death of a loved one, a family often comes together.  All perhaps only for a short time, but still an equal and opposite reaction.

Without one, we cannot know the other. 

There is a reason why I must endure desert times.  If I never wandered away from the fold, I could never know myself as the Wonderfully Made Child of God that I Am.  If I never experience “being on the outside,” I become complacent and gratitude fades.  By allowing me to wander out now and then, God ensures that I never forget how much I have for which to be thankful, how much he has done for me, and how he continues to provide.  He knows that, eventually, I will come to my senses, turn, and come running back to him where he stands by the open pasture gate with his arms open just waiting to embrace me.

The Good News is, the closer I get to God, the stronger I grow in my faith and the more deeply I am ingrained in his word, the shorter my desert times will be.

This morning I stood at the gate, shuffling my hooves and looking at the open expanse before me.  God patted my head and stood by with a smile on his face, making no move to stop me from leaving or shoo me back in.  The gate is always open, I am not forced to stay here.  As I looked up at my Faithful Shepherd, I was filled with gratitude for the things from which he has delivered me.  I “baa’d” a prayer of thanks and ambled back into the pasture, glad to have the desert be just a memory today and not where I am wandering instead. 

Amen!  :D 

Did I Remember to Pack That?

1 Peter 1:18a**

“Your life is a journey you must travel with deep consciousness of God.” (1 Pet. 1:18a MSG)

The messages that I am receiving lately are all very much about developing an awareness of and a deeper relationship with God.  I am coming into the understanding that my life will never feel fulfilled without these things.  It is when I drift away – when I lose consciousness – that, in my disconnect, I find myself in discord, prone to confusion, chaos, discontentment, anxiety and fear.

When life seems to get really difficult is precisely when I should stop what I am doing and devote time to getting back to God.  When God gets out of focus, life gets blurry.  I have to make the time to clean my lens and make the appropriate adjustments so I can see clearly before trying to move forward.  What blows my mind is how long it takes me to do this, even when I know how much better it will make everything. 

No, my problems don’t disappear when I reawaken myself to the presence of God.  What changes is how the world around me affects me.  The reason it is said that God’s peace passes all understanding is because it does.  There is no human understanding of the magnitude of God’s peace.

While over and over it is reinforced that we are Loved and that God’s desire is for our joy and to provide us with all we need, it is also said a number of times that there will be suffering.  (It’s in a lot of places in the bible, but you can also find all of it in John 15.)  To have joy does not mean to be without suffering.  What makes all the difference is how I define suffering and how I let suffering define me.

As with many words, suffering has several variations of a similar definition tied to it.  From Merriam-Webster: Suffer – 1)To submit to or be forced to endure; 2) undergo, experience; 3) to put up with, especially as inevitable or unavoidable; 4) to allow, especially by reason of indifference.

It is such a common thing automatically to think of suffering as a negative, painful and unpleasant thing.  It can just as easily be seen as simply another experience.  God said there will be suffering meaning, life isn’t easy.  Stuff happens. 

But suffering does not cancel out joy, and in developing an awareness of God, cultivating a relationship and being deeply conscious of him I can find joy in my life here on earth regardless of my circumstances.  This is how many of the great masters across several religions and philosophies were able to maintain peaceful lives.  This is at the heart of the Way, the Truth and the Light.  This is where it all begins: Deep Consciousness of God.

Dear Lord, even when times are tough, keep me from losing consciousness.  Help me to fully experience life here by living in you, in your love, with your peace and joy through all the hills and valleys of my journey. 

Amen!  :D

**In The Message, this scripture is at the beginning of verse 18.  In my checking against other versions of the bible, comparable language falls at the end of verse 17.  Ever want to check out other translations of the bible without having to buy them?  BibleGateway.com has 30 different English translations as well as translations in many other languages.

Act Accordingly

Romans 14:22-23

“You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. ... If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong.”  (Rom. 14:22b, 23b; MSG)

Not too long ago a friend of mine and I were having a discussion about God.  This friend is not a member of a church and does not ascribe to any particular set of beliefs.  Out of our conversation, the thing about which she felt strongest was seeing people all around who profess a faith, spout scripture on their Facebook walls and proudly claim belonging to a church, yet their lives are inconsistent with their declarations. 

I knew this was in no way directed at me, but it gave me pause.  Do I live what I believe?

I am human, I am fallible, there will be inconsistencies where my beliefs and actions don’t line up at times.  Those are times to be thankful that God doesn’t expect perfection.  Still, this does not take away from the fact that I should strive with all my effort to live up to my own beliefs, to live my faith.  The NIV poignantly puts it this way: “Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.” (Rom. 15:22b; NIV)  I read this with the meaning that what he approves is what he believes, therefore would condemn himself by not living by his beliefs.

I laid in bed this morning thinking about that conversation and asked myself, “If I never said a word about God, if I never shared the Good News, if I couldn’t speak, would it be evident that I’m living a life of Love? 

A lot of us know the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.”  I love words.  I’m a wordy girl.  God definitely gave me the gift of language.  But language isn’t enough.  Because a few good words won’t feed the orphans, and a well-spoken sermon won’t keep the widows warm.  (See James 1:27)

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense.  Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.  And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.  It’s your basic, all-purpose garment.  Never be without it.”  (Coloss. 3:12-14; MSG)

May my actions speak louder than my words, may I do the work that God has given me to do, and may I always remember to check what I do against what I believe.

Amen!  :D

Okay, Letting Go of the Branch!

John 15:16a; Psalm 139:15, 16

“You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you.  I know you inside and out, I know every bone in your body.  Like an open book, I watched you grow from conception to birth; all the stages of your life were spread out before me, the days of all your life prepared before you’d even lived one day.”  (MSG, swapped you’s & I’s from Psalm so God is speaking.)

Today’s inspiration came not from a scriptural devotional, but from AA’s Daily Reflections.  It is only a short little blurb about self-acceptance, but the way the writer worded the last sentence struck a chord with me this morning.

“I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant self-criticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself.” (p. 324)

Like so many others, I can be incredibly hard on myself.  At times I set my expectations so high I could never find a ladder tall enough to reach them.  One little mistake at a certain time or place or with certain people will haunt me far longer than it needs to.  And often I find that something I’ve been beating myself up over went completely unnoticed by anyone else in the human world.

It wasn’t too long ago that I often heard it said, “If God can forgive you, then who are you not to forgive yourself?”  Same idea here:

“If God accepts you, who are you not to accept yourself?”

Everyone makes mistakes.  My mistakes are no lesser or greater than others’ in the grand scheme of things.  God made me who I am.  He made me in his image for pete’s sake!  I am “marvelously made!” (Psalm 139:14 MSG)  Who am I to tell God he made a mistake?  Who am I to tell God he went wrong somewhere when he created me?

There is no moment of my life that God didn’t know would happen before time even began.  All things must run their course, so I may as well let go of the branch and hang on to the raft.  The branch, of course, being any mistake or anything over which I am self-condemning.  Staying there I will only flounder and flail in the rushing water, stalling my progress and making things more difficult for myself.  Letting go and hanging on to the raft I can literally go with the flow, dealing with rocks and waterfalls as they come, and not fight against the current.

So my prayer today is to let go of that arrogant self-criticism, remember that I am a child of God, and make a conscious effort to accept myself for who I am, and to love and care for myself, as my Heavenly Father loves and cares for me.

Amen!  :D

I Probably Ought to Get Spiked Shoes for This

Isaiah 2:3

“They’ll say, “Come, let’s climb God’s Mountain, go to the House of the God of Jacob.  He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.” (MSG – italics mine)

This was one of those open the bible randomly to a page & verse with prayerful hand moments.  I read Isaiah 2:1-5, but verse three is what stuck out to me the most. 

At first reading, the second half stuck out – that God will show us how he works so that we can live the way we’re made.  We can live the way we’re made.  And how are we made?

We are made in God’s image.  We are made of love.  We are made of light.

The problem – at least for me – is that it is so easy to get caught up in seeing how the world works that I forget to pay attention first and foremost to the way God works.  So I see what I think the world thinks.

I’m not good enough.  I have friends, but I still feel really alone.  I somehow often manage to do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, act the wrong way. 

Lies.  Lies the world tells me.  Lies the enemy sneaks into my thoughts.  If I listen to God, if I seek the truth, I hear that I am beautiful, that I am talented, that he loves me and has big plans for me!  So I need to pay attention to what God is doing so that I can see how he works and I can live the way I am made.

In order to do that, however, I must climb God’s Mountain.  And the way that translates to me today is that I have to lean on my trust in God and step out in faith to do that which he is calling me to do.  I must conquer any fear I may have, face the responsibilities he wants to bestow upon me, do the work he has asked me to do and climb that mountain. 

It will not be easy.  Climbing mountains of any kind is not easy.  There are many risks and dangers along the way.  Obstacles to overcome.  Which is where leaning on trust comes into play.  It is through trust in God that I will find confidence – confidence that should my foot slip and I start to tumble backward down his rocky crag, he will catch me and put me right back on my feet.  Confidence that, should I encounter an obstacle which feels far too large for me, God is always bigger and he’s got everything under control.

Thank God!

So here’s to stepping out in faith, to determination, to developing discipline to keep me on the path, to perseverance and to God’s gifts of mercy and grace.

“Come, let’s climb God’s Mountain, go to the House of the God of Jacob. He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.  Come, family of Jacob, let’s live in the light of God.” Isaiah 2:3, 5 (MSG)

Turn Around

2 Corinthians 1:8-9

“As it turned out, it was the bet thing that could have happened.  Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally – not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead!  And he did it, rescued us from certain doom.  And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.”  (MSG)

It’s moments like these that I have to shake my head in wonder at my human self.  For the past week and a half, I’ve been struggling.  Nothing near the struggles I used to know, but struggling nonetheless.  Some right decisions took a backseat to impulse, there were a few of those things I had my hands all over even though I knew I needed to be trusting in God.  It was a very typical LKB mix of trying to do too much and not doing anything at all.

I’m sure if I tried hard enough, I could pinpoint all the reasons for my straying from the path these last several days, but more than anything else it is fear.  Whether or not I realize it, and regardless of what is causing the fear, that is generally the root of this type of behavior for me. 

I’ve tried valiantly not to be too hard on myself and cut myself some slack remembering that I am a work in progress and that, comparatively, I’m still doing a heckuva lot better than I used to.  As I picked up my devotionals this morning and saw that I had missed a day or two more of reading than I’d thought, I felt some of those old feelings creeping in again.  But before I had the chance to utter any small prayer for God to help me with them, I saw highlighting on the back of page I was on for one of the devotionals.

It was this verse. 

It’s the reminder that I have to fall prey to my human tendencies to do the wrong thing now and then in order to see again and again the difference that totally and completely trusting God makes in my life.  It’s the reminder that he has rescued me from certain doom (on plenty of occasions!).  It’s the reminder that he will continue to rescue me as many times as I need rescuing.

There’s no limit to God’s love.  And there’s no limit to his mercy.  Every time I turn to run toward him, his arms are wide open, just waiting to embrace me.

Amen!  :D

Look, It Was Your Idea

Exodus 33:12-15

I love this little gem in the story of Moses.  Moses is fed up, frustrated – he was given a job he didn’t want to do, asked to lead an ungrateful group of people with selective hearing, and constantly has to fight for them with the one who asked him to lead them!  Just after the incident with the golden calf, God tells Moses he isn’t coming with them on their journey because he’s over the Israelites’ behavior.  He even says, “I couldn’t stand being with you for even a moment – I’d destroy you.” Exodus 33:5 (MSG) 

So Moses, at the end of his rope, not only calls God out on the irony, he gives him an ultimatum.  He says, “Look, you tell me, ‘Lead this people.’ ... Don’t forget this is your people, your responsibility.”   God says, okay, “My presence will go with you.” 

“If your presence doesn’t take the lead here, call off this trip right now.”  Ex 33:13-15 (MSG)

So my boss has this great idea, gets me in on it with him, has me round up a bunch of people he know will be difficult to deal with, gets me into the middle of a project, gets tired of dealing with the people and tries to send me off on my own to finish the project with them, saying: 

“I’ll be with you in spirit...” 

“Like hell you will!  Your butt will be with me here and now and through the rest of it or else call off the whole thing.  I didn’t get into it on my own and I’m not doing it without you in the lead because this whole thing was your idea!”

I love it!  I love it because it makes God so tangible, which seldom happens  in the Old Testament.  He’s so often this large, raging, cloud, burning bush, wrathful, “Okay, fine, I won’t kill you this time,” God, that to see him in this conversation with Moses puts him on a relatable human level.  Moses is out in the hot sun with the Israelites, doing the hard work, and God just left Starbucks, coffee in hand, pulling out the keys to his BMW, trying to get off the phone with Moses, “My presence will go with you...”

How often I have felt like Moses: God, if you don’t take the lead here, then just call the whole thing off!  I have a vague idea of what I’m supposed to be doing, and I know God’s presence is here with me, but I’d really rather he take the lead and just give me clear instruction on what I am to do and where I am to go. 

But God wants me to do the better part of the work on my own.  Not because he thinks he’s better than me and would rather be cruising around in his BMW, but because he has entrusted me with a task he knows I can accomplish, even if I can’t see that I am capable of it.  He will not leave me high and dry, and as much as I love picturing God glibly saying, “I’ll be with you in spirit,” leaving me to fend for myself, the fact is that he never leaves me.  He really is with me in spirit – always has been, always will be.

So when I next catch myself feeling like Moses in the desert, wanting to throw my phone down and stomp on it in anger because I know God’s got a nice cold iced coffee in his air-conditioned BMW, I will try to remember that God’s not blowing me off.  He’s simply doing what he does, nudging me out of the nest so I can fly on my own.  He’ll never give me more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:13), and he knows better than I do what I can handle.  He knows when he needs to make the drive out to the desert and bring me some water.

Amen!  :D

"My presence will be with you."

(Photo by Bauer Griffin)