Run with Endurance the Race

“At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. So don’t sit around on your hands, strengthen your weak knees. Clear the paths for long-distance runners so that what is lame may be healed.” (Hebrews 12:11-13; MSG/NAB para.)

Currently, I am training for a big run. As part of a twelve-person team, I will participate in a 200-mile relay race in less than two weeks. Before I started training in January, the last time I ran was in June.

One of the first things I had to learn as I began to train was to work on my words. I had to stop saying, “I’m not a runner.” Saying that diminished and devalued any attempt at progress I made. Instead, I worked to say, “I’ve not previously been a runner, but I’m running now,” thus affirming myself in my training.

The next great obstacle was my body, which did not want to run. For the past couple of months I’ve battled discouragement while nursing tight calves, weak knees and ankles, struggling lungs, misaligned hips and shin splints.

While running, to combat the pain and the negative attitude that tried to win in my mind, I turned to prayer. At first I tried sticking with gratitude lists, but eventually my mind fell to a mantra of brief, repetitive God-praising phrases to egg me on and keep my mind focused solely on God and not on my discouraging thoughts or resistant body.

Then came the moment when I ran my first full mile. Not long after that, I ran through two miles. Not long after that again, I ran three miles.

Triumph. And only with God.

I still battle pain and discouraging thoughts. It’s difficult to fit training into my schedule, and the shin splints won’t seem to go away even though I’ve given them rest and tried other methods for healing. But come hell or high water, I’m running in that race. The experience of disciplined training and having real, tangible evidence of progress and what God makes possible is more rewarding than I could’ve expected. For that, I am incredibly grateful.

Up next: a sprint triathlon this fall. I feel a little crazy to consider it, but I’ve seen from these past couple of months what God can do with me if I let him. (I’ve also realized that the only way I apparently have the discipline to work out or get any exercise is if I’m training for an event.)

“Let us strip off every weight that slows us down. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Think of him and you won’t become weary and give up.” (Hebrews 12:1; NLT para.)

My prayer today is that I place Jesus before me at the finish line and at all points along my runs so I can see and hear him cheering me on and see him jumping up and down at the finish line, just waiting to lift me up in his arms after I cross it, embracing me and telling me, “Well done.”

Amen! =D 

Stay With It.

 “Stay with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” (Matthew 24:13; Mark 13:13; Luke 21:19; MSG)

Ever been in a place where you wonder if it’s all worth it? Feel like staying in bed or going far away from everything are better options than continuing in your day to day life?

I know that place. I know those feelings.

As a survivor of a severe chronic depression that plagued me for twenty years, I am all too familiar with feeling like life simply isn’t worth it. In ways both active and passive, I sought to end my life on many occasions. The most familiar feeling for me was that of being trapped; somewhere inside I knew I didn’t really want to die, but I knew I really didn’t want to go on living.

It was a very dark, lonely and hopeless world. By the end I looked for any way to escape my pain I could find, which only exacerbated and worsened my fear and hopelessness. I couldn’t understand why God, who I knew loved me, would allow me to hurt so badly for so long.

The thing is, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust him to heal me. I didn’t think I was worth it. Even when I cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t really think he would. No matter how often I went to church, no matter how much scripture I read, no matter how many prayers I prayed, I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

Fear is such a manipulative beast. When fear grips me, I can become paralyzed and forget the strength I have in my Great Creator. I can forget that though I am less than a grain of sand in the infinite Glory of God, he cares about me personally. He loves me and wants to help me and asks only that I turn, face him, open my heart and trust him.

Within our small human frame of reference, it is easy to ascribe human attributes to God. This makes it difficult to see how a being can truly love freely and unconditionally, and be always forgiving, gracious and merciful. This also makes it easy to compare God to people in our lives, including people who let us down, break promises, hurt us and cause us pain. Thank God, God is not human.

God is so much bigger. He’s so much bigger than all our worry, all our doubt – and all our fear.

God. Is. Bigger.

Pick up the Good Book and flip through the Gospels a little bit. You’re sure to run across at least one of many verses which find Jesus saying, “Courage, do not be afraid.”¹ Time and time again he reassures those who tremble in fear, those who do not feel worthy, the outcast, downcast and downtrodden. Time and time again, he lifts them up and encourages them.

He wants to do that for you and me, too. Take a deep breath and allow yourself for a moment to be transported back to the time when Jesus walked the earth. He walks through your town amidst a throng of admirers as you watch from the sidelines. In the one brief moment that your desperation to be free from your pain finally is greater than any fear, you find yourself suddenly in the throng, pushing past people, bending down and fighting through the crowd to get to Jesus. “If only I can get near him,” you think, “I can be healed.” You come up behind him and boldly reach for him, brushing his clothes. Instantly you feel different, you feel changed. As he turns toward you, you prepare to be humiliated in front of the crowd for wanting to get so close to Jesus. Instead, it grows quiet. You look up into his eyes and he smiles the kindest smile you’ve ever seen. He touches your chin and gently raises you up. “You took a risk and trusted me. Now you are healed and whole. Live well, live blessed.”²

Stay with it. Stay with it to the end. It’s worth it, trust me. There is hope and there is light. I find mine in the Sweet Soul I follow with all my heart, my Jesus, who calls me beloved and friend. I find mine in God who is bigger than anything and everything, who made all things seen and unseen. I find mine in a faith that finally allows me to trust, even when life gets hard here on this earth.

My prayer today is for those of you who struggle with darkness, hopelessness and despair. May you find peace and comfort and freedom from your fear. May you live well and live blessed, and find yourselves healed and whole.

Amen.

¹ Matthew 10:26, 28, 31; 14:27; 17:7; 28:5, 10

Mark 5:36; 6:50

Luke 5:10; 8:50; 12:4, 7, 32;

John 6:20 12:15; 14:27

I’ve only listed some Gospel verses here (likely not comprehensive, so go flip through the book to find more!), but many, many more verses of God reassuring us and telling us not to fear, to have courage because he is with us pepper the whole Bible throughout, Old Testament and New. :)

² Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48; Matthew 9:20-22

I Heart Hugs From Jesus

“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13; MSG)

As small children, when we fall and scrape a knee or the neighborhood bully teases us, we run to our caretaker. For many, this means mom or dad. For some it may be a grandparent or an older sibling. (Others are not so fortunate to have that someone at all.) We run crying into the outstretched arms of our person, and she hugs us, wipes away our tears, uses her shirt to clean the snot from our faces, and reassures us that everything will be all right. Over time, as we grow, this relationship may change form, but if we are lucky, we can still run into the outstretched arms of someone who loves us dearly.

There were a lot of times in my life when I was really hurting, but didn’t run into anyone’s arms. I was too afraid of being a burden, of worrying someone too much, of bogging someone down with a problem with which I knew no one could help me. The loneliness I caused myself with this thinking was nothing short of stifling. Maybe no one could fix my problem, but I wouldn’t even let anyone be there for me, just to love, support and maybe comfort me.

I know it was a trust issue. I didn’t trust anyone enough to do the right thing. I’d been burned far too many times by most, and when it came to my mom, I didn’t want her to have any more reason to worry about me than she already did. I didn’t trust her ability to handle me sharing my hurt with her.

Is it any wonder that this lack of trust extended to God?

Though I so often fervently and desperately cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t trust him to do it. I did not let go and trust he would catch me. I did not run into his arms. I did not allow him to hold me or to comfort me. I complained, I shouted and screamed at times, asked the persistent question of “WHY?” without really listening for the answer, or if I heard it, deciding it wasn’t the answer I wanted.

There is a song, The More I Seek You, that is beautiful in its simplicity and imagery of a very real and tangible Jesus. A few months ago at a church women’s retreat, we sang this song several times, and it was then that I realized why it touched me so much.

God is not always presented as a personal, tangible God – which he very much is. And in this chapter of my journey with him, I find that I fall more and more in love with him as he becomes more personal to me. I can close my eyes and see myself running into the arms of my Heavenly Papa, who will hold me and love me, comfort me when I am sad, tell me everything will be okay when I worry, and heal me when I am hurting. I can close my eyes and get a big bear hug from Jesus, walk hand in hand with him on the beach, lie on my back in the grass with him beside me, my best friend.

What changed? Well, for one thing, I trust God now. Even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to, I trust him. I also actively seek him. I spend time in the Good Book, spend time in meditation, spend time talking to him, hanging out with him, praising him. And he tells me over and over again, “You are my precious child. You belong to me and I love you so very much. I am always right here by your side, with you everywhere you go.”

And the more I trust him, the more I can trust others in my life, too. It is a slow process. I know they will let me down – we are human, it happens. But I feel safer knowing I’ve got God beside me, there to catch me if I am dropped, there to hold me and dry my tears, there to place his healing hand on my hurting heart.

“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” (Jeremiah 29:13-14; MSG)

My prayer today is that we all can move closer to our God, to know that we absolutely can run into his arms anytime we need or want. His arms are open, outstretched and waiting, and there isn’t a soul he will turn away.

Amen!  :D

Lifted Up

1 Peter 5:10

“The suffering won’t last forever.  It won’t be long before [the God of all grace] this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ – eternal and glorious plans they are! – will have you put together and on your feet for good [will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast].”  (1 Pet. 5:10, MSG [NIV])

I’ve been hanging out in the desert for the past week or so.  I didn’t feel completely disconnected from God, but I knew I wasn’t where he wanted me to be.  He provided for me, then I ran with a couple of things on my own and actually kind of shut him out.  I kept talking to God some, but I wasn’t really listening for any response or direction. 

I’ve written recently about God allowing things to happen in my life for the purpose of teaching me about myself. I also outright prayed for him to break me because I know it can take drastic measures to hammer a point home with me sometimes. 

God was listening.  He watched as I wrote one day about a part of my life I always take back where I needed to learn patience, then watched as less than a week later I had already forgotten and was charging forward on my own. 

The series of events that took place just over this past weekend alone were so perfectly orchestrated to break me in such a precise manner that I was standing on the rim of hell before I lifted my hands high and God picked me up.  In a matter of moments, I went from being a completely and utterly terrified mess to resting in God’s arms, at peace, lighter than I have felt yet.  I could not have looked at the whole situation and seen how many things God was going to use it to heal.  It was impossible to know until it happened just how he was working it all in me. 

I feel God everywhere, but I feel especially connected to him at the beach.  I ended up on an empty beach Sunday evening, which is where this moment of healing took place.  God took me out there, when I had no idea I was even near a beach, and it just so happened to be a beach I have only been to one other time – another time God took me there for healing.

Standing at the water’s edge, I watched the sun set and felt God lift me up as I reached for him.  He restored peace and quiet to my soul, and took yet more things from me that have caused me pain.  I felt a renewed sense of joy, and when I stepped back, I was blown away by how symbolic my footprints in the sand were.  I’ve never had footprints quite like these.  Instead of being imprinted in the sand, they were extruded, almost as evidence of the weight God had lifted from me, evidence that he had lifted me up.

I’m thinking I should hang these footprints up as a reminder.  God’s grace is beyond measure and his mercy never ceases.

Amen!  :D



Because I Said So

Zechariah 10:7

“I know their pain and will make them good as new.  They’ll get a fresh start, as if nothing ever happened.  And why?  Because I am their very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for them.”  (MSG)

I used to live in a world of darkness and pain.  It eventually became easier to believe that I was defective in a way that could not be healed than to try method after treatment after long-shot, losing hope with each failed attempt that I would ever find a way out of the dark. 

Plenty of those bleak years I spent yelling at God, cursing God, blaming God.  He created me, he made my life, therefore he was responsible for my pain.  After the first major shift in my universe when I stopped moving away from him and began my journey moving toward him, more often than not my simple plea was a weak, “God, help me, please.”

I had gotten to the point, however, that I didn’t even believe I deserved to be healed.  I had decided that I was being punished, that I somehow deserved my darkness and the aching of my soul.  So I didn’t really believe God would heal me, I just desperately wanted him to ease my pain. 

I rarely considered God’s purpose in all of it.  Toward the end of my depression I was so utterly lost that I couldn’t summon up any kind of purpose for my life and everything I had been through.  I knew God had his reasons and I wanted to trust in his plan, but I was tired.  I was so tired.

Today, as I sit and think about how life was then, I stop, as I often do, and simply say, “God, thank you for my life.” 

He brought me out of the darkness.  When it was time, when I was ready for whatever he had in store for me, he reached into the depths of my soul and not only eased my pain, but healed it.  I was, indeed, made new.  And I returned to my life to find myself in a position to make a fresh start.

God will do what needs to be done for me, but it’s up to me to trust that he has the plans for the architecture of this life.  It is not for me to understand, and while he may grace me with revelations, I must be content in not always knowing why things happen.

A line from a morning prayer I wrote reads: “May I always remember that you have the top of the puzzle box and trust that each piece you place next is chosen at that time for a reason or reasons which may remain unknown to me.”

I don’t ask why very much anymore.  Coming into my new life, that was one of many huge changes.  I no longer sat in the dark and cried, “Why, God?”  But if I look at this verse and follow its, “Why?” then I see the answer plain and simple.

So if I find myself tempted to ask God, “Why?” about something, I pray that I can remember the answer as he said it through Zechariah:

“Because I am [your] very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for [you].”  (Zech 10:7b, MSG)

Trust me.  I’ve got things under control.  --God

Amen!  :D

God is With Me

 

Image Source: Amanda Geisinger

Joshua 1:5b, 9b

“In the same way I was with Moses, I’ll be with you.  I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength!  Courage!  Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged.  God, your God, is with you every step you take.” (MSG)

God is with me.  This has been my mantra for a couple of days.  And it’s good to get a reminder that God won’t give up on me.

Looking over the last few entries I wrote as well as verses coming out of my devotionals, I can make no mistake that the events that took place over the last few days were all a part of the plan.  God knows far better than I do what needs to happen and what I need to go through in order to see where I really am with him in this new life.  It is no coincidence that I just wrote about how I have to know what I am not in order to know what I am.

God will never give me more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:13), but sometimes I have to push myself to the limit.  I may not always be the biggest fan of the growth experiences God lines up for me.  The last few have been so intense that I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to come out unscathed.  Each rattled me in ways that were new and unfamiliar.

But the intensity was necessary to teach me vital lessons.  And I have no doubt the teaching is not over and that I have many more of these trials through which I will go.  God isn’t finished with me yet (Philippians 1:6), but he has great plans for me (Jer. 29:11) which were planned out before I even lived one day (Psalm 139:16).  Who am I to question it?  God knows what’s going on and that’s all that matters.  I need to trust him. 

All of this in its own gnarled way has increased my awareness of God in my life.  God knows he needs to rock me to my core to make things stick where I am in life right now.  In time, he may not have to pack such a powerful punch, but while I’m still shedding my old skin, he knows he has to bowl me over to get my attention. 

As I continue growing into this new God life, I pray that he knocks me over as many times as he needs to for me to get the message.  I also pray that I never forget what it means to be broken, even if that means God has to continue to allow me to break now and then. 

God is with me – he always has been and he always will be.

Amen!  :D

Really, God?

Lamentations 3:19-24

Life can be difficult.  Even the most devout and God-faithful run into times when life just plain stinks.  Regardless of the reason, many of us will have bad moments, bad days, bad weeks, bad years.  The key in all of this, is not to lose sight of God. 

I find myself a bit upset with God today.  Mostly because I was completely caught off guard by something which has left me feeling let down.  One of the things over which I have been praying so hard lately, it seemed as though I was getting an answer, then in one quick moment it was taken away. 

It’s not so much the situation itself as it is the, “Really??  Really??!!” factor.  Where I thought I could find some relief, I now find complication.  Where I thought I could find some rest, I now find trouble. 

So, I let God have it.  I let him know exactly what I think about the whole thing.  I told him in clear, direct, angry language that I’m upset.  And I didn’t use nice words. 

And then I went to my bible.  I searched for a verse under the heading of “discouragement” because I just wasn’t getting anything out of what I’d already read.  Likely because I’m a bit closed off to God today, which isn’t a good place to be.  Eventually, I landed in Lamentations, the name alone being appropriate to my feelings.  I found what I needed to find – a verse that speaks to being upset and let down, but the importance of remembering God’s love and faithfulness.  There is something greater in all of this, I just have to get over it and move on.

“I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.  I remember it all – oh, how well I remember – the feeling of hitting the bottom.  But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope.  God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.  They’re created new every morning.  How great is your faithfulness!  I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).”  Lam. 3:19-24 (MSG, italics mine.)

So I will ask God’s forgiveness for being angry with him and I will spend plenty of time today in prayer about this situation, looking less at how it hurts and more at where I can go from here.  And I will rest assured that tomorrow is a new day, and God has a plan.

Amen!  :D

He Knew You'd Click the Link

Psalm 139:13-16

“Body and soul, I am marvelously made!” Psalm 139:14b (MSG)

Oh, how amazing the difference in my attitude toward myself inside and out when I look in the mirror and gleefully say this verse out loud in praise to God!  In this joyful Psalm David shouts his praise to God for how wonderfully God has made him. 

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother’s womb. 

I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! 

Body and soul, I am marvelously made! 

I worship in adoration – what a creation! 

You know me inside and out,

you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

before I’d even lived on day.” 

Psalm 139:13-16 (MSG)

This is a lovely bit of scripture on which I think it would be good to meditate daily.  It’s a great reminder not only of how God “marvelously” made me, but also of how he knows every single moment of every single day long before I ever encounter it.  He knew, for instance, that I would get to writing today’s meditation late because of the string of events – both good and bad – that happened this morning.  And he knew that after I worked through my emotions that I’d be in my usual spot on the couch in front of the laptop asking for inspiration while the sliding glass door was open to the screen so the kitties and I could enjoy the cool fall weather. 

I don’t want to take my moments for granted.  In that moment I spill coffee on my new shirt or that moment I ram my toe with great force into something hard and stationery, I want to smile because I know that God already knew it was going to happen and, somehow, it’s all part of a grander plan.  ...even if that part is God’s comic relief. 

Amen!  :D

He Ain't Lettin' Go

John 6:37

Near then end of my first week in treatment, a rather negative, opinionated girl came to join our community.  Fresh out of detox, she was sick as could be and the only words that came out of her mouth were complaints – usually littered with the “f-bomb” – about how awful she felt, about how much pain she was in, about how she didn’t want to be there, about how everyone was irritating her, about how she couldn’t get what she needed (*ahem* wanted).

Many of the other women in the community paid her no mind except to complain about her as she was always negative, always making our group late, and in general, just a miserable person to be around.  Another young, Spirit-filled lady and I pounced on her the first night we found her unhappy self slouched on the sidewalk by the clubhouse, wrapped in a flannel blanket, pale, shivering and sweaty, freezing and looking like death on a glorious, warm Florida evening. 

She was too sick to get away from us, and complaining or telling us to go away did her no good.  We raved about how life can get better, about the amazing things God could do, about how turning her attention and all the focus from all the bad stuff to something good, even if it was just the thought, “Today, I feel a little bit better than yesterday,” could make an incredible difference in how she entered and came through her recovery.

Queen of the “yeah, buts,” she slowly started asking questions, bringing up issues and ideas that kept her from wanting to believe in God or accept any kind of spirituality into her life.  Many of the other ladies started to see that there was something much more valuable in this young woman and came at her more from a caring mother/sister viewpoint rather than the irritated co-worker viewpoint.  My roommate took her under her wing like a child and all of us worked to show her the love she’d never had in her life. 

I’ll never forget the morning she got into the van and was as bright as the sun.  She’d figured it out, and was experiencing the newness of God’s joy.  That night she handed me a prayer she’d written about accepting Christ into her life and asked if I would find something just for her in the bible to read when we said the prayer together. 

I’m not sure why God worked it out the way he did – it’s not for me to understand – but we never got to pray that prayer.  God had me place her prayer in my bible next to the verse he’d picked just for her, but I never got to read it with her. 

Filled with this new joy and getting this new attention from the kind of people who before may never have given her the time of day, she got distracted.  She fell for one of the guys in treatment and he was good to her, which was also foreign, new and exciting.  The enemy, angry that she had thought about walking away from him reached in and grabbed her and took over just long enough to create a situation which resulted in her removal from the center. 

That night, as my roommate and I sat on our patio, praying for her, I opened my bible to where her prayer and my highlighted verse were.  The verse God had chosen clearly illustrated he knew it would be more for me than it would be for the young lady who wanted him in her life.  He knew we would never read it together, that it would be I coming back to it when I needed to hear it, to be comforted by it.  Because I knew more about the life she’d led, I had grown to love her like a part of my family, and now I watched her having been tossed back into the world unprepared.  I was worried and scared for her, understanding I may never know what happened to her.  But God pointed out to me that Jesus said,

“Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me.  And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.” John 6:37 (MSG)

Amen.  :D

Why Can't I Just Flip a Switch?

James 1:5-8

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father.  He loves to help. ... Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.” James 1:5a, 6a (MSG)

So many times I have asked for help, yet not really expected to receive it.  Did I know God could do it?  Sure did!  Did I think he’d do it for me?  Sure didn’t.

I believed in the power of God.  I believed in the power of prayer.  And for a short time, I even believed it could work in my life.  But then my world fell to pieces again, and I feared that believing God would do anything for me would only set me up to be let down.  While I had experienced plenty of good things in my life, mostly what I felt was pain, disappointment, and abandonment.

So in my darkest hours, I couldn’t find the light.  In great desperation, all I could pray was, “God, help me,” but I didn’t really believe he would.  Because if I really believed he would and then he didn’t, there truly would be no hope left at all.  Better to ask and not expect to receive than to ask, believe, and be left in the dark anyway. 

“But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt.” James 1:6a (NIV) 

Doubt.  Defined as: 1) to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe; 2) to distrust; 3) Archaic. to fear; be apprehensive about.  (Dictionary.com)

Uncertainty, hesitation, fear...  Distrust.  Having doubts about God is the number one way to prove I do not trust him.  I do not trust that he will provide.  I do not trust that he will catch me if I fall.  I do not trust that he will ever pull me out of my darkness into his light.  I couldn’t believe because to believe was to have hope, and to have hope meant opening myself up to the possibility of being hurt.  And I hurt enough as it was.

The thing is, truly trusting God and believing he will do all of those things listed above, even in the midst of trying times, takes the weight of the world off of my shoulders.  God will do what I cannot do, and there is a lot that I cannot do.  Surrendering to him and his will for my life, spending a great deal of time in prayer, meditation, and the Good Book makes life a lot less difficult to live, even when it still brings pain.

So I’ll keep earnestly believing.  I will keep trusting, I will continue to lift my hands high, and I will walk in his light.

“If you walk in darkness, you don’t know where you’re going.  As you have the light, believe in the light.  Then the light will be within you, and shining through your lives.  You’ll be children of light.”  John 12:35b, 36 (MSG)

Amen!  :D

Thanks, But I Wanted a Pony

James 1:1-4

The book of James is a great book in the bible.  God called me to read it again last night and I've decided to meditate on James over the next few days.  The more time I spend with the Good Book, the more the Good Stuff sticks.  I like it when it sticks, so I'm going to take this particular Good Stuff bit by bit.  For better digestion, take smaller bites.  :)

James, acting as a leader, is writing to Jesus' followers who have moved away from Jerusalem and are in different parts of the early world.  Unlike Paul, he isn't simply writing to one group of people, rather addressing Christ's followers as a whole.  

In reading the bible, just about any chunk of it seems to contain a lesson on going through trials.  James is no different.  He starts out strong, "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides." James 1:2 (MSG)  A gift?  Really?  NLT says, "...consider it an opportunity for great joy."  Not just joy, but great joy.  

"Because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:3 (NIV)  Now James sounds like Paul, "...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance..." Rom 5:3 (NIV)  When I had my business I was known practically to snarl the words, "Perseverance is the key!!!" near the end of a grueling day or during a particularly difficult project.  I obviously didn't believe it, as I was overworked, overwhelmed, and spiritually undernourished. 

While going through any difficult time, I knew I had to stick it out, but I could not make myself be happy about persevering.  My spiritual hat was pulled down way too low for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  My hard work always paid off - job well done, happy clients...  But I hated constantly being stressed and under pressure.  Job-wise or otherwise, I never wanted to stay in my trials. 

But, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4 (NIV) 

If all I am focused on is making it through a tough time, I am missing the point.  I'm stumbling through an obstacle course, twisting ankles and getting bruises because my eyes are on the finish line, not the obstacles, and most importantly, not on God.  Maturity develops as I patiently examine each obstacle, look to God for help, then step out in faith, trusting that he'll catch me if I fall.

Now, I am glad to have "an opportunity for great joy" these days.  I am focused on my obstacle: I got laid off.  I need to find a job.  The economy isn't the best right now and there aren't many jobs out there.  But I am also focused on God: "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 (NIV)  God will provide.  So I am thankful, and it is a gift because it allows me to lean on God, to strengthen my faith and to grow spiritually in a way that I could not if I never were tested. 

When Paul writes of one of his trials, he says, "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in [your] weakness." 2 Cor 12:8-9 (NIV)

Amen!  :D
  

David's Got the Right Idea

Psalm 77:2

Psalms are pretty popular, and for good reason.  Throughout all the psalms, David is a roller coaster of human emotion.  I see myself in many of his words and can identify with a lot of his feelings.  While I have to turn some verses into metaphors for my own life (i.e. I am not a king and do not fight battles against other nations), many ring clear and true written just as they are in just about every version of the bible.

I have plenty of highlighted verses throughout the book of Psalms.  Having spent so much of my life in pain, many of them are verses which highlight David's anguish, his times of sorrow, when he fears that God has turned his back. 

In today's psalm, my highlighted verse is verse 2: "I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.  When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right," I didn't believe a word they said."  (MSG)

This is one of the reasons I love The Message and the way it is written.  So often, in all my times of distress, friends would attempt to comfort me by saying some form of those exact words.  Other versions of the bible read that David's soul was not or refused to be comforted.  I do identify with those words as well, but the way it is spelled out in The Message carries far more weight for me.  "...my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal."  Throughout many of my darkest times I wrote a lot of poetry.  One untitled poem from 2004 begins,
      
       "It's a scar that's still an open wound
       that no amount of time can seem to heal..."

Over and over again, I identify with David's pain.  "I'm desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather." Ps 55:8 (MSG)  "I'm caught in a maze and can't find my way out, blinded by my tears of pain and frustration. ... For as long as I remember I've been hurting."  Ps 88:9, 15 (MSG)  "Long enough, God - you've ignored me long enough."  Ps 13:1 (MSG)

The neat thing about David and his psalms, though, is that verses like those are very few.  Verses expressing pain and grief are not few, but in most of the psalms, David immediately asks God for help or reassures himself by ruminating on God's love, strength and forgiveness.  "And me?  I'm a mess.  I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me.  You can do it; you've got what it takes..." Ps 40:17 (MSG)  "If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it.  The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up." Ps 94:17-19 (MSG)

While David has his moments where he is stuck in the pit, trapped in that dark place, more often than not he quickly runs to God for rescue.  Without hesitation, he lifts his hands high so that God may grab onto them and haul him out of the pit. 

Without hesitation, he lifts his hands high so that God may grab onto them.

When I am in so much pain, it is easy for me to forget God's heavenly mercy.  It's easy for me to forget that God wants to give me joy.  It's easy to forget that it is from God that I draw strength, it is God who saves me, and it is God who covers me in his grace.  I need to take a lesson from David who, in the midst of a losing battle, trusts that God will bring him through.

Amen!  :D