Throw Open the Door

“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us… We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand – out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace & glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” (Romans 5:1-2; MSG, para.)

Romans 5:2 is one of my favorite verses. I love the imagery and I love the message. Today as I consider the peace I find in stepping into willingness and saying, “Okay, God,” I can’t help but think of this verse. The more I open my mind to allow God to work however he will – even if it doesn’t look how I think I want it to look – the more I realize he continues to set me free. When I stop being stubborn and remove the barriers I’ve set between myself and God’s will, I throw open my door to him. And there he is, smiling, saying, “I’m glad you came around. Just wait and see what we’re going to do together now.”

Just wait and see.

Yesterday, as I stepped into willingness concerning some present stressful circumstances (the stress all completely manifested by me, mind you), I felt less negatively overwhelmed by not knowing what to do and more positively overwhelmed with knowing I have options and there are things I can do if I am willing. Open mind, open heart, open door to God. And following my release of the white knuckle grip I had on the situation, I began to receive affirmation in many different ways, which confirmed for me that I am indeed stepping into God’s will with this issue. Imagine that!

Just wait and see.

Actively participating in a twelve-step program often means being willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean & sober. This often includes getting out of our comfort zones, doing things we don’t feel like doing and going the extra mile when we think we’ve run as far as we can. Our very lives depend on it. Stepping into the will of God shouldn’t be any different. Am I willing to do whatever it takes to live the life he designed for me? Even though at times it may mean troubles, discomfort, pain, distress or struggle? God, give me the strength to say, “Yes,” every time.

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary – we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” (Romans 5:3-5; MSG)

Just wait and see.

My prayer today is that as I find freedom by throwing my door open to God and willingly stepping into whatever he will do with me next that you also find the courage to remove the things between you and that door. What is God calling you to do today? Push aside those barriers, open the door and gaze into his radiant, smiling face as he opens his arms and says, “I’m glad you came around. Just wait and see what we’re going to do together now.”

Amen! =D

Radical Change

“God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.”  (Romans 2:4; MSG)

Yesterday, as I was preparing to write, my hand made a double-click which led down a rabbit hole and a few clicks later opened a Pandora’s Box of my past. Buried in folders within folders I came across an old journal of mine. I randomly clicked to a page, then found it difficult to pull away as I read through the rest, seeing old details of my life unfold. Wounds, pain and evidence of the mess I was each is spewed across the pages. It is raw and it was very real for me.

Reading something like that a few years ago would’ve sent me into a downward spiral. Coming face to face with such sadness and struggle, I would’ve gone into “I give up” mode because it would’ve shown me I hadn’t changed and therefore couldn’t change.

But that was before I found the courage to step into total surrender and willingness, throw my hands up and let it all go.

Whenever I tried to ‘fix’ my life by my own plans, I failed. The moment I truly gave it all to God, I found that success was possible. Now, this didn’t mean I didn’t have to do any work. Stepping out in faith and saying, “Okay, God, here it is. Your will, not mine,” does not mean stepping back and waiting for something to happen or waiting for something to change. Saying yes to God means signing up for radical life change – and I certainly play a role in making that change.

Working in surrender and trust yields results. I know I am moving under God’s direction when I receive affirmation and feel the effects of positive change. When I struggle, it might be a good time to stop and check in because chances are I’ve started trying to do things my way again.

Radical life change. It’s a scary thought. It means doing things sometimes which might make others think I’m crazy. It means putting God above all else, which might call for difficult sacrifices. It means possibly not being understood by peers and facing lonely days which require I cling desperately to faith.

Radical life change. It’s turning everything in my world topsy-turvy and buckling in for the ride ahead.

Jesus didn’t come just to forgive us our sins; he came to show us a new way of life, a free life, a fruitful life, a life of love. By his example we are to live our lives – and that’s pretty radical.

My prayer today is that I see where I’ve shied away from some radical changes and let go of my will and also to bask in gratitude for the radical changes God already effected in me.

Amen! =D

Dim Bulbs

 “Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses?” (1 Corinthians 1:26-28; MSG, para.)

Sometimes I need to sit and remember where I was and who I was when I stepped across the line into this God-obedient life. At my core, I’ve always been me; this person who lives my life now always has been in there. It’s just that it was buried under layers of depression, persecution, addiction. And as I still struggle with being human – selfishness, insecurities, distraction, rebellion – there are moments I wonder if I’m really cut out for being a messenger in this God-life.

But God uses the dim bulbs to show how bright his light can shine.

How powerful the story of a person so beaten down who rises up in hope and light and goodness once he surrenders to God! How powerful the miracle of one who was so very lost and living in darkness who finds healing in Jesus and is forever changed! Flipping through the Gospels, the pages are littered with exactly these stories. The blind, the lame, the lepers, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the dregs of society – these were the people to whom Jesus was the closest.

Going back through the Old Testament, the story isn’t much different. Time and again, God chose the weak and insecure to do his greatest works. Jacob was a liar, Moses was a murder and fugitive who couldn’t speak well, Gideon was insecure, David was an adulterer¹... The list goes on.

God doesn’t choose the squeaky-clean to carry his strongest messages.

Holding myself to high standards, it’s easy to feel like a screw-up and a failure. What I forget in my humanity is that God finds strength in my weakness. If I am strong on my own, what need have I of God? I was broken that I could be mended, wounded that I could be healed and mired in darkness that I might come forth as a bearer of light. 

“But he said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size – abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10; NIV/MSG)

My prayer today is that when I feel weak I remember that in my weakness, God shows his strength. May I remember that the core of my message lies in the miracle of healing by Jesus, who brought me forth from darkness into light, pulled me from the depths, resurrected me from the dead.

Amen! =D

¹ Genesis 27; Exodus 2:11-15; 4:10-12; Judges 6:15; 2 Samuel 11:2-5

Stay With It.

 “Stay with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” (Matthew 24:13; Mark 13:13; Luke 21:19; MSG)

Ever been in a place where you wonder if it’s all worth it? Feel like staying in bed or going far away from everything are better options than continuing in your day to day life?

I know that place. I know those feelings.

As a survivor of a severe chronic depression that plagued me for twenty years, I am all too familiar with feeling like life simply isn’t worth it. In ways both active and passive, I sought to end my life on many occasions. The most familiar feeling for me was that of being trapped; somewhere inside I knew I didn’t really want to die, but I knew I really didn’t want to go on living.

It was a very dark, lonely and hopeless world. By the end I looked for any way to escape my pain I could find, which only exacerbated and worsened my fear and hopelessness. I couldn’t understand why God, who I knew loved me, would allow me to hurt so badly for so long.

The thing is, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust him to heal me. I didn’t think I was worth it. Even when I cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t really think he would. No matter how often I went to church, no matter how much scripture I read, no matter how many prayers I prayed, I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

Fear is such a manipulative beast. When fear grips me, I can become paralyzed and forget the strength I have in my Great Creator. I can forget that though I am less than a grain of sand in the infinite Glory of God, he cares about me personally. He loves me and wants to help me and asks only that I turn, face him, open my heart and trust him.

Within our small human frame of reference, it is easy to ascribe human attributes to God. This makes it difficult to see how a being can truly love freely and unconditionally, and be always forgiving, gracious and merciful. This also makes it easy to compare God to people in our lives, including people who let us down, break promises, hurt us and cause us pain. Thank God, God is not human.

God is so much bigger. He’s so much bigger than all our worry, all our doubt – and all our fear.

God. Is. Bigger.

Pick up the Good Book and flip through the Gospels a little bit. You’re sure to run across at least one of many verses which find Jesus saying, “Courage, do not be afraid.”¹ Time and time again he reassures those who tremble in fear, those who do not feel worthy, the outcast, downcast and downtrodden. Time and time again, he lifts them up and encourages them.

He wants to do that for you and me, too. Take a deep breath and allow yourself for a moment to be transported back to the time when Jesus walked the earth. He walks through your town amidst a throng of admirers as you watch from the sidelines. In the one brief moment that your desperation to be free from your pain finally is greater than any fear, you find yourself suddenly in the throng, pushing past people, bending down and fighting through the crowd to get to Jesus. “If only I can get near him,” you think, “I can be healed.” You come up behind him and boldly reach for him, brushing his clothes. Instantly you feel different, you feel changed. As he turns toward you, you prepare to be humiliated in front of the crowd for wanting to get so close to Jesus. Instead, it grows quiet. You look up into his eyes and he smiles the kindest smile you’ve ever seen. He touches your chin and gently raises you up. “You took a risk and trusted me. Now you are healed and whole. Live well, live blessed.”²

Stay with it. Stay with it to the end. It’s worth it, trust me. There is hope and there is light. I find mine in the Sweet Soul I follow with all my heart, my Jesus, who calls me beloved and friend. I find mine in God who is bigger than anything and everything, who made all things seen and unseen. I find mine in a faith that finally allows me to trust, even when life gets hard here on this earth.

My prayer today is for those of you who struggle with darkness, hopelessness and despair. May you find peace and comfort and freedom from your fear. May you live well and live blessed, and find yourselves healed and whole.

Amen.

¹ Matthew 10:26, 28, 31; 14:27; 17:7; 28:5, 10

Mark 5:36; 6:50

Luke 5:10; 8:50; 12:4, 7, 32;

John 6:20 12:15; 14:27

I’ve only listed some Gospel verses here (likely not comprehensive, so go flip through the book to find more!), but many, many more verses of God reassuring us and telling us not to fear, to have courage because he is with us pepper the whole Bible throughout, Old Testament and New. :)

² Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48; Matthew 9:20-22

He Really Won’t

1 Corinthians 1:8-9

“God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track... He will never give up on you.  Never forget that.”  (MSG)

I have the privilege of attending a Celebrate Recovery (CR) group that includes women from the local treatment center.  Their brokenness is written all over them, on their faces, in their body language, in the sound of their voices. 

I am thankful that they have the opportunity to attend CR, that they have to opportunity to be in a group where they can freely talk about God and where they can hear what God is doing in others.  In the service they can hear the word of God and in the group they can feel his love. 

This verse, particularly verse nine, speaks to my heart for those in recovery.  Regardless of whether it is recovery from addiction or some other unhealthy behavior, there are many who slip and fall time and time again.  This verse is especially for them.

God is forgiving, not giving up. 

In Matthew 18:21, Peter asks Jesus if he should forgive someone up to seven times.  In 18:22, I can almost hear Jesus laughing: “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.” (MSG) 

I don’t think Jesus meant to set an actual number, but to illustrate that one should not limit forgiveness.  If there was a limit, I might be out of luck.  God, if taking a tally, probably would have reached my 490 a long time ago.  Thankfully for me, God doesn’t keep score.  Thankfully for me, he will never give up on me.

As many times as I wander away from the flock, God will always rescue this sheep.  I pray that as I sit in the room with those women every week knowing that most cannot fathom being where I am now and some may not have hope ever to get there, that I can illustrate God’s forgiveness and give hope with what I share. 

He Ain't Lettin' Go

John 6:37

Near then end of my first week in treatment, a rather negative, opinionated girl came to join our community.  Fresh out of detox, she was sick as could be and the only words that came out of her mouth were complaints – usually littered with the “f-bomb” – about how awful she felt, about how much pain she was in, about how she didn’t want to be there, about how everyone was irritating her, about how she couldn’t get what she needed (*ahem* wanted).

Many of the other women in the community paid her no mind except to complain about her as she was always negative, always making our group late, and in general, just a miserable person to be around.  Another young, Spirit-filled lady and I pounced on her the first night we found her unhappy self slouched on the sidewalk by the clubhouse, wrapped in a flannel blanket, pale, shivering and sweaty, freezing and looking like death on a glorious, warm Florida evening. 

She was too sick to get away from us, and complaining or telling us to go away did her no good.  We raved about how life can get better, about the amazing things God could do, about how turning her attention and all the focus from all the bad stuff to something good, even if it was just the thought, “Today, I feel a little bit better than yesterday,” could make an incredible difference in how she entered and came through her recovery.

Queen of the “yeah, buts,” she slowly started asking questions, bringing up issues and ideas that kept her from wanting to believe in God or accept any kind of spirituality into her life.  Many of the other ladies started to see that there was something much more valuable in this young woman and came at her more from a caring mother/sister viewpoint rather than the irritated co-worker viewpoint.  My roommate took her under her wing like a child and all of us worked to show her the love she’d never had in her life. 

I’ll never forget the morning she got into the van and was as bright as the sun.  She’d figured it out, and was experiencing the newness of God’s joy.  That night she handed me a prayer she’d written about accepting Christ into her life and asked if I would find something just for her in the bible to read when we said the prayer together. 

I’m not sure why God worked it out the way he did – it’s not for me to understand – but we never got to pray that prayer.  God had me place her prayer in my bible next to the verse he’d picked just for her, but I never got to read it with her. 

Filled with this new joy and getting this new attention from the kind of people who before may never have given her the time of day, she got distracted.  She fell for one of the guys in treatment and he was good to her, which was also foreign, new and exciting.  The enemy, angry that she had thought about walking away from him reached in and grabbed her and took over just long enough to create a situation which resulted in her removal from the center. 

That night, as my roommate and I sat on our patio, praying for her, I opened my bible to where her prayer and my highlighted verse were.  The verse God had chosen clearly illustrated he knew it would be more for me than it would be for the young lady who wanted him in her life.  He knew we would never read it together, that it would be I coming back to it when I needed to hear it, to be comforted by it.  Because I knew more about the life she’d led, I had grown to love her like a part of my family, and now I watched her having been tossed back into the world unprepared.  I was worried and scared for her, understanding I may never know what happened to her.  But God pointed out to me that Jesus said,

“Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me.  And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.” John 6:37 (MSG)

Amen.  :D

Cuffed to God

Deuteronomy 7:7-9

“God wasn’t attracted to you and didn’t choose you because you were big and important – the fact is, there was almost nothing to you.  He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to your ancestors.  God stepped in mightily and bought you back out of that world of slavery, freed you from the iron grip of...”  Deut 7:7-8 (MSG)

It is not difficult to bring recovery themes out of many, many bible passages and verses.  The end of verse 8 lists Pharaoh as the one with the iron grip, but for those of us here, now, today, Pharaoh is any number of things.  What is it that holds me in slavery?

I spent many years as a slave to my own psychological and mental complications, a slave to being victimized by merciless bullying, a slave to feelings of unworthiness, a slave to mind-altering substances to make me forget about the rest.  Those were my Pharaohs, and darkness was my Egypt. 

Though I was initially raised in the church, at the age of nine I told my mother Jesus didn’t exist and refused to be a part of any religious activity after that for many years.  By that tender young age I already was living in such darkness that I couldn’t believe there was a God who would save me.  I had no evidence to show me he had any plans to bring me out of my slavery.  And things only grew worse over the years.

In Exodus, Moses follows God’s orders and goes back to Egypt to free the Israelites from slavery under Pharaoh.  Likely, many Israelites didn’t really know God – whether they knew of, but didn’t trust him, or had given up on him because of their life circumstances. So Moses comes back on a mission from God, and immediately, things get worse before they get better. 

Then God brings them out of Egypt, freeing them from Pharaoh.  And they proceed to wander around the desert for 40 years because they still don’t get it.  Instead of being slaves to Pharaoh, they become slaves to their desires of the flesh, things such as idol worship, complaining and worrying – oh, how they became slaves to complaining and worrying! 

Thanks to my human nature, I have the inescapable ability of becoming a slave to just about anything.  Money, food, worry, TV, exercise, work, Solitaire on my phone...  What I must strive to do, where I should put my effort, is to become a slave only to God.  I may have other things in my life, but my main focus, my priority, what in my life I serve and let have and iron grip on my life should be God. 

In the books of the New Testament, Paul, James and Jude all describe themselves as slaves to God and Jesus.  Paul even says at the beginning of Romans that he is a devoted slave of Jesus.  Over and over the New Testament authors speak to how God brought us out of darkness so we no longer have to be slaves to things of this world, but can be slaves to God, walking in his love and light and living a good life doing the right things.    

“Know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend on.  He keeps his covenant of loyal love with those who love him and observe his commandments.”  Deut 7:9 (MSG)

Amen!  :D

(Unable to find original source for photo credit.)

One Slice of Humble Pie, Please

James 4:1-10

James has a knack for revealing flaws in the human condition.  His frustration with the new Christians is obvious.  And I Imagine he would be just as frustrated with today’s Christians. 

In this piece of scripture, James is scolding us for fighting with each other to get our own way or to get what others have that we want.  He points out that we don’t even bother asking God for whatever it is we’re after because we know it’s for the wrong reasons.

I know when I’m not doing the right thing.  That still, small voice is right there at the back of my mind telling me to stop, turn, and bring him back to the front of my mind.  He’ll knock me down to my knees, but if I humble myself before him and ask for forgiveness, he’ll lift me right back up – higher than before.

Being in recovery and familiar with the 12-step system used by many different types of groups, I know this is often stressed as the second most important component of the program.  The first is surrendering oneself, the second is humbling oneself.  I’ve heard many a voice in those groups say, “I had to get down on my knees and get humble before God.”

Pride, ego and desire leave no room for God, but open the door to the enemy.  There is no happiness in this kind of life, no fulfillment.  If I am always fighting, always trying to get my way, or always wanting what I don’t or can’t have, I will not enjoy my life. 

God wants me to enjoy life!  But I must surrender to his will for my life before I can enjoy it.

“So let God work his will in you.  Yell a loud no to the devil and watch him scamper.  Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time.  Quit dabbling in sin.  Purify your inner life.  Quit playing the field.  Hit bottom, cry your eyes out.  Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.” James 4:7-10 (MSG)

Amen!  :D

Put the Corndogs Down!

James 1:12-15

Temptation.  Yet another theme that shows up all over the bible.  Being human, temptation is a daily struggle.  Even if it’s little things, temptation shows up everywhere, sometimes in the least likely of places.  It’s a tricky component of human nature. 

Tempt: to entice or allure to do something often regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral (dictionary.com – italics mine).  In other words, to persuade one to do something that goes against the will of God.

I am very familiar with temptation – especially where it connects to my lack of impulse control.  There was one particular grocery shopping trip where a box of fifty mini corndogs jumped in and out of my cart at least four times.  I lost the battle and it came home with me (and I am primarily a vegetarian).  This may be a small, silly example which doesn’t adversely affect my life in any big way, but I still gave into temptation.  

For any of us who are addicts of any sort, temptation plays a huge role in how we live our lives.  Due to the nature of our physiological and psychological addiction, when we get that urge to use, to drink, to gamble, etc, it can be next to impossible to resist.  Somehow the car ends up in the dealer’s driveway.  “Well, I’m already here.  I might as well go in.”  Walking by a bar, “Oh, one drink won’t hurt.  At the most I’ll have two and then I’ll leave.”  I think plenty of folks other than myself know where both of those situations will lead.

What I find interesting about this passage is that James is clear that it is not God who tempts us.  “God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else.  Temptation comes from our own desires which entice us and drag us away.” James 1:13b, 14 (NLT)

What about Job?  God allows Satan to wreak havoc upon Job’s life to tempt him to curse God, but God himself in no way tempts Job.   What about Jesus in the desert with the devil?  In Matthew 4:1, Mark 1:12 and Luke 4:1, the Holy Spirit leads Jesus into the desert.  Yet the devil, not the Holy Spirit is the source of the temptation.  God doesn’t do the tempting, the enemy does.  James says temptation to give in comes from us. 

While another entity may be the source of that which tempts me, what causes me to succumb to temptation is within my human nature.  I give in whether it is due to my brain chemistry, my seeking of approval or attention, my desire to do something other than what I am doing...  The list goes on. 

The good thing in all of this is that I am reassured that God will never allow my desires and temptations to be more than I can handle.  “God is faithful.  He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.  When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so you can endure.” 1 Cor 10:13 (NLT)  He will always provide a way out, I just have to pay attention.  And the best way I can keep myself equipped to see the way out is to have my nose in the Good Book and recognize things which are in accordance with God’s will instead of my own. 

Amen!  :D

p.s. While looking over various topics of temptation, an image of Peter from Family Guy showed up in the search results.  Of course I had to look.  Rev Peep: Resisting Temptation

Even if You're Not an Addict...

Ephesians 4:17-32

This nice little chunk of scripture really identifies with what I've learned and know I need to work toward to stay stong in recovery.  I must change my way of life.  The old things have to go.  I hear it a lot in the rooms and heard it in treatment: People, places and things.  I have to change up my people, places and things in order to make a clean break with my old way of life.  Walk away from unhealthy people, avoid old hangouts or places likely to put my recovery in danger, and get rid of my bad habits that helped keep me in my misery.

"Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything - and I do mean everything - connected with that old way of life has to go."  Eph 4:21-22 (MSG)

I can see Paul standing at the front of a room full of addicts on this one.  He says we have to get rid of the old, bad stuff and take on a new way of life, a new life in God.  And now that we know, we can't just hide the toolbox and say we didn't know how to handle a situation. 

Many of us previously led a life full of lies, whether they were lies to get what we wanted, lies to hide our problems, or lies for any other reason.  Paul's instructions are clear: "No more lies ... tell the truth." Eph 4:25 (MSG)  Paul even tells us it's okay to be angry, but emphasizes that we shouldn't let our anger control us or use it for negative purposes.  And this is the passage from which the saying, "Don't go to bed angry," comes.  The Message uses those exact words.  Other versions of the bible say not to let the sun go down on our anger.  I don't remember exactly when I took strong hold of this advice, but it makes a big difference in how I wake up in the morning if I've gone to bed while still stewing on an issue instead of letting it go or resolving it before the night is over.

And I see him at the head of the room in a treatment center, telling us we don't have to live the way we used to live anymore.  For those who stole, "Well, no more!  Get an honest job..."  Eph 4:28 (MSG)  For those who have resentments, rage, or used violence to solve problems, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."  Eph 4:31 (NIV)  And to all of us, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other [as you have been forgiven]."  Eph 4:32 (NIV)

Great advice - regardless of whether I'm an addict, an alcoholic, a gambler, a cheater, an abuser, or simply a human being.  After all, I don't have to struggle with addiction to be a thief.  I don't have to be an abuser to have rage.  I don't have to be an alcoholic to have resentments.  I don't have to be a drug dealer to use violence.  I don't have to have any special, labeled problems or disorders at all to see that things in my life need to change, that I need to shed my skin and grow into a new life.

Being human, I am fallible and prone to make mistakes.  I will, inevitably, try to take control of my life back here and there, and I will make wrong decisions.  Good thing for me that God has mercy on me, forgives me, and continues to cover me in his Grace.

Amen!  :D