I’m pretty sure I didn’t voluntarily
stand in line for the roller coaster I’ve been on recently.
Except that I did. The moment I
prayed, “Your will, not mine,” I signed up. And every moment after, when amidst
the prayers for grace, serenity, peace, and rest I earnestly lifted it all up
to God and said, “It’s yours,” I got back in line.
God is the master planner, the
principal architect, the one with the knowledge and tools to put my life
together the best way it can be. Good thing, too, for his design is far better
than mine ever could’ve been. My last entry, Cup is full..., was all about
giving that truth a nod.
So following that writing, I got
back in line to ride again.
Just after I received amazing,
life-changing news (God working out those plans I of which I couldn’t have
dreamed), I discovered mold in my apartment. My couch in the living room sat
against the wall shared with the building’s laundry machines. At some point,
some time ago, the washer leaked and mold began to grow on my side of the wall.
(Completely unbeknownst to me, as I hadn’t moved the couch in the year and a
half I’ve lived here.) It had been growing long enough that it had grown into
my couch. My couch, my dear friend with whom I spent my evenings, where I ate,
worked on my laptop, watched entirely too much TV, napped and occasionally
slept.
I renewed my lease and they offered
to have my carpets cleaned. Looking at my apartment I thought, “Wouldn’t it be
nice to rearrange the furniture after they clean the carpet? It’ll be like a
new place to go with the new life.” I think I knew I needed it. I also needed
to do a serious spring cleaning and de-clutter.
I moved my couch to vacuum underneath and there it is. Mold. Dark, toxic mold. The
kind of mold which, seeing as much as I could see of it and as dark as it was,
likely expanded out from the visible spots exponentially.
Funny how God works.
I’m very allergic to mold. Suddenly,
what I thought was a worsening of my asthma with age stood explained. The
seeming ineffectiveness of allergy pills? Clarified. There was no amount of
“cleaning” or “fixing” the issue with which I was comfortable. I had to move.
During the moving process I ran into trial after issue after unpleasant situation. Trip
after trip in and out to the car, up and down the stairs... No time to pack in
an organized fashion, just get the stuff out and get it out fast! And move it up stairs. (There’s a reason why I’ve lived on the first floor for the last ten years.)
Within a few days of being in the
new place, I felt so much better. I could breathe easier, my allergies were
more in check, I didn’t feel as fatigued. And you know what? I like being on
the second floor now because I love having my windows open and I feel safer
doing so when not on the ground floor. Though the apartment is the exact same
layout, I’ve rearranged the furniture for a different set-up, so it feels new.
The big, bulky couch is gone, and as I look at how I am de-cluttering in this
major spring cleaning that took its form in haphazard moving, I just want to
get rid of more. (I wrote about this in August – we can see how quickly I
accomplished the task on my own!)
God’s plans are better. At first I
resisted. On the phone with my mom after I found the mold, all I could utter
was, “The absolute last thing I want to do is move.” But I didn’t have a
choice. God made the choice for me. Fresh starts – new job, new home... Things come in threes, so what came next?
I got back in line and then strapped
in for the next big obstacle that hit me full-force as the move neared
completion.
God, I know you go before me in all
things and that you are with me through all things. Please help me remember
always to find the joy in your divine design and not fall into bitterness or
discontent. You prove time and time again that you do a far better job with my
life than I do, so now and always (though I’ll forever have to renew), I place
my life in your hands. Your will, not mine.
Amen! :D
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