Lifted Up

1 Peter 5:10

“The suffering won’t last forever.  It won’t be long before [the God of all grace] this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ – eternal and glorious plans they are! – will have you put together and on your feet for good [will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast].”  (1 Pet. 5:10, MSG [NIV])

I’ve been hanging out in the desert for the past week or so.  I didn’t feel completely disconnected from God, but I knew I wasn’t where he wanted me to be.  He provided for me, then I ran with a couple of things on my own and actually kind of shut him out.  I kept talking to God some, but I wasn’t really listening for any response or direction. 

I’ve written recently about God allowing things to happen in my life for the purpose of teaching me about myself. I also outright prayed for him to break me because I know it can take drastic measures to hammer a point home with me sometimes. 

God was listening.  He watched as I wrote one day about a part of my life I always take back where I needed to learn patience, then watched as less than a week later I had already forgotten and was charging forward on my own. 

The series of events that took place just over this past weekend alone were so perfectly orchestrated to break me in such a precise manner that I was standing on the rim of hell before I lifted my hands high and God picked me up.  In a matter of moments, I went from being a completely and utterly terrified mess to resting in God’s arms, at peace, lighter than I have felt yet.  I could not have looked at the whole situation and seen how many things God was going to use it to heal.  It was impossible to know until it happened just how he was working it all in me. 

I feel God everywhere, but I feel especially connected to him at the beach.  I ended up on an empty beach Sunday evening, which is where this moment of healing took place.  God took me out there, when I had no idea I was even near a beach, and it just so happened to be a beach I have only been to one other time – another time God took me there for healing.

Standing at the water’s edge, I watched the sun set and felt God lift me up as I reached for him.  He restored peace and quiet to my soul, and took yet more things from me that have caused me pain.  I felt a renewed sense of joy, and when I stepped back, I was blown away by how symbolic my footprints in the sand were.  I’ve never had footprints quite like these.  Instead of being imprinted in the sand, they were extruded, almost as evidence of the weight God had lifted from me, evidence that he had lifted me up.

I’m thinking I should hang these footprints up as a reminder.  God’s grace is beyond measure and his mercy never ceases.

Amen!  :D



Because I Said So

Zechariah 10:7

“I know their pain and will make them good as new.  They’ll get a fresh start, as if nothing ever happened.  And why?  Because I am their very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for them.”  (MSG)

I used to live in a world of darkness and pain.  It eventually became easier to believe that I was defective in a way that could not be healed than to try method after treatment after long-shot, losing hope with each failed attempt that I would ever find a way out of the dark. 

Plenty of those bleak years I spent yelling at God, cursing God, blaming God.  He created me, he made my life, therefore he was responsible for my pain.  After the first major shift in my universe when I stopped moving away from him and began my journey moving toward him, more often than not my simple plea was a weak, “God, help me, please.”

I had gotten to the point, however, that I didn’t even believe I deserved to be healed.  I had decided that I was being punished, that I somehow deserved my darkness and the aching of my soul.  So I didn’t really believe God would heal me, I just desperately wanted him to ease my pain. 

I rarely considered God’s purpose in all of it.  Toward the end of my depression I was so utterly lost that I couldn’t summon up any kind of purpose for my life and everything I had been through.  I knew God had his reasons and I wanted to trust in his plan, but I was tired.  I was so tired.

Today, as I sit and think about how life was then, I stop, as I often do, and simply say, “God, thank you for my life.” 

He brought me out of the darkness.  When it was time, when I was ready for whatever he had in store for me, he reached into the depths of my soul and not only eased my pain, but healed it.  I was, indeed, made new.  And I returned to my life to find myself in a position to make a fresh start.

God will do what needs to be done for me, but it’s up to me to trust that he has the plans for the architecture of this life.  It is not for me to understand, and while he may grace me with revelations, I must be content in not always knowing why things happen.

A line from a morning prayer I wrote reads: “May I always remember that you have the top of the puzzle box and trust that each piece you place next is chosen at that time for a reason or reasons which may remain unknown to me.”

I don’t ask why very much anymore.  Coming into my new life, that was one of many huge changes.  I no longer sat in the dark and cried, “Why, God?”  But if I look at this verse and follow its, “Why?” then I see the answer plain and simple.

So if I find myself tempted to ask God, “Why?” about something, I pray that I can remember the answer as he said it through Zechariah:

“Because I am [your] very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for [you].”  (Zech 10:7b, MSG)

Trust me.  I’ve got things under control.  --God

Amen!  :D

Singin’ Don’t Worry

Psalm 34:4, 6

“God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.  When I was desperate to God, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.”  (MSG)

I’m small in stature, so it’s very easy for me to fit into tight spots.  I lost count a long time ago how many times God has gotten me out of them.  My life, for the better part of it thus far, was lived finding tight spots and not paying much attention to God.  But when I got stuck, I called out, and he was always there.

The life of tight spots is a very anxious life.  Living in today’s society, even, it can be difficult not to feel anxious.  In spite of lessons that over and over teach us we need not worry (i.e. Matt 6:25-34), so many things today drive us onward to fear.  “Be afraid, the world is in peril!” the news shouts.  “This recession will never end,” headlines scream. 

But apart from the world in general, there is a whole host of things about we make ourselves anxious in day-to-day life.  It is exhausting to live in constant worry.  And it is in no way productive or helpful in getting us through our days.

God indeed freed me from my anxious fears.  Just yesterday I stopped to take notice of what he’s done for me in giving me his peace which passes all understanding.  I am open to it most of time now, only closing off to it when I’m having one of my doubtful moments or being tempted by a tight spot. 

In a many faceted situation, I was graced with an opportunity to make some extra money by jumping onto a project with an approaching deadline.  Given all the nuances of the situation, in the past I would have been anxious about a number of things walking into this.  Instead, with the grace of God, I peacefully and cheerfully walked in and then quickly settled in, never feeling out of place or unable to do the task set before me.

It was incredible.

What was even more incredible was the fact that since God’s peace has started to become almost second nature to me, I didn’t even realize until halfway through the day how I would have felt had I been in this position even six months ago.

God doesn’t stand on one side of the beach and wait for me to travel the whole distance to him.  The moment I take a step toward him, the moment I reach out my arms in his direction, he comes running toward me, arms open wide.  He’ll meet me more than halfway, and when he scoops me up in his arms and I’m wrapped up in his loving embrace, I am reassured and have no reason to be afraid.

Amen!  :D

Where is Your Quiet Place?

Matthew 6:6

“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God.  Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage.  The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.” (MSG)

In a world where keeping up appearances is such a common compulsion, it can be difficult to pull oneself out of that bad habit, even when talking to God.  It is imperative that I am transparent when I go to God.  No pretentions, no sugar-coating, no grazing the surface of deeper things. 

To open myself up in such a way is to be incredibly vulnerable – a nearly impossible task if I am not alone.  There are plenty of times I have gone to God with deep, deep wounds and sobbed to him over my greatest troubles in a way I never could have even with my closest friend. 

In the quiet, secluded place, I can be vulnerable and completely open myself up to communion with God.  My prayer need not be complex.  A simple, short prayer will suffice just as much as pouring out my heart and soul.  However the spirit moves me, in my solitude I may move with it. 

I am still working on maintaining my focus on God once it shifts while I sit in quiet meditation.  My attention span and ability to concentrate are not the strongest things.  But God knows I am trying, and my effort speaks more to him than being able to sit still in one spot and keep my mind from drifting to some random thing that happened during the day after two minutes of focusing on him. 

As I continue to practice meditating and spending time in that quiet, secluded place, my ability to maintain focus will get better, God and I can grow closer, and I will feel his grace.  I find it helpful at times to simply repeat to myself, “God is with me,” or “Be still and know that I am God.”  Even a one-word repetitive prayer such as, “Peace,” or “Love,” can be sufficient to keep my mind where I want it: On God.

As I go through this day I pray that I can find moments to slip into that quiet place, to offer up prayers of gratitude and prayers for strength, keeping as best I can my focus on God and not on the world around me.  And may I ever sense his grace!

Amen!  :D

God is With Me

 

Image Source: Amanda Geisinger

Joshua 1:5b, 9b

“In the same way I was with Moses, I’ll be with you.  I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength!  Courage!  Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged.  God, your God, is with you every step you take.” (MSG)

God is with me.  This has been my mantra for a couple of days.  And it’s good to get a reminder that God won’t give up on me.

Looking over the last few entries I wrote as well as verses coming out of my devotionals, I can make no mistake that the events that took place over the last few days were all a part of the plan.  God knows far better than I do what needs to happen and what I need to go through in order to see where I really am with him in this new life.  It is no coincidence that I just wrote about how I have to know what I am not in order to know what I am.

God will never give me more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:13), but sometimes I have to push myself to the limit.  I may not always be the biggest fan of the growth experiences God lines up for me.  The last few have been so intense that I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to come out unscathed.  Each rattled me in ways that were new and unfamiliar.

But the intensity was necessary to teach me vital lessons.  And I have no doubt the teaching is not over and that I have many more of these trials through which I will go.  God isn’t finished with me yet (Philippians 1:6), but he has great plans for me (Jer. 29:11) which were planned out before I even lived one day (Psalm 139:16).  Who am I to question it?  God knows what’s going on and that’s all that matters.  I need to trust him. 

All of this in its own gnarled way has increased my awareness of God in my life.  God knows he needs to rock me to my core to make things stick where I am in life right now.  In time, he may not have to pack such a powerful punch, but while I’m still shedding my old skin, he knows he has to bowl me over to get my attention. 

As I continue growing into this new God life, I pray that he knocks me over as many times as he needs to for me to get the message.  I also pray that I never forget what it means to be broken, even if that means God has to continue to allow me to break now and then. 

God is with me – he always has been and he always will be.

Amen!  :D