Painting Love

“God’s Word vaults across the skies from sunrise to sunset, melting ice, scorching deserts, warming hearts to faith. As the heavens tower over the earth, so God’s love towers over the faithful. As far as the east is from the west, so far have our sins been removed from us.” (Psalm 19:6; 103:11-12; MSG/NAB)

The Bible can be pure poetry with its imagery. One of the things I love about thumbing through different translations is to read how the same thing is said in different ways. The picture painted for me allows me to transcend the pages and step into the sands of the Israeli deserts.

If you’ve ever watched “Mary Poppins,” you might remember when Mary, Bert and the kids go on an adventure by jumping into one of Bert’s sidewalk chalk drawings. One moment they are standing in the street, the next they are running through a field, encountering dancing penguins, riding a carousel and then riding the painted horses off the carousel and into an animated horse race. All it takes is a little imagination.

This is what the Bible is like for me. I don’t ride carousel horses with Moses or Jesus – although I certainly could if I wanted – but when I get into scripture, really get into it, I’m not just reading words on a page. The Good Book comes alive and I find myself fascinated at the sights, smells and sounds around me.

Last night at my church’s Lenten dinner, our speaker shared many great words of wisdom on the love of God. One of my favorite things she stated, though, was that the Bible is a love story. It’s One Big Love Story all about God’s Love for Us.

The Bible is a love story.

From creation through persecution and into sending his son to live and die like one of us and then triumph over death and evil in the resurrection and ascension, the Bible is an incredible narrative of God’s love for his human children. What lengths, heights and depths he went to to prove his love for us!

I invite you, if you don’t already do this, to pull a Mary Poppins when you read the Good Book. Feel the sand beneath your toes, hear the thunder on the mountain when Moses meets God, see the delight on the faces of the children who flock to Jesus. To imagine being there is to make it feel that much more real and tangible. It aids in a deeply personal relationship with God, something he so desperately wants for us to have.

My prayer today is that as we prepare for the celebration of our Lord’s resurrection, we move toward a resurrection of our childlike wonder. May we allow ourselves to step outside of rigidity and read God’s Word with eager eyes, yearning hearts and open minds. It is the Greatest Love Story Ever Told, and I hope to see you in its pages.

Amen! =D

Am I Consistent?

“You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe, then you know you are out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong.” (Romans 14:22-23; MSG)

This topic is on my heart tonight. It’s been on my heart more than usual recently, and certainly is on my list of things for self-examination this Lent. Especially as I write these devotionals and publish them in a public forum, I must ask myself, “Do people in my inner circle see behaviors, actions and attitudes in my life that reflect what I claim to believe?” ¹

Tough question.

I find the thing I’m grappling the most with right now to be selfishness. It’s so very easy to explain away a lot of my selfishness. I do give a lot of time and energy to people and things outside of myself. Some people even tell me they consider me selfless. But I know in my heart that I still could do better. Isn’t that always my battle, though? Constantly striving to be a better version of myself?

Perhaps the reason for the nag on my heart about being selfish is connected to a recent event in which I acted out of selfishness. Perhaps it is a recent event where self-will dominated, not God-will. Perhaps I’m simply feeling over-sensitive given some recent emotional events.

Perhaps God is letting me know it’s time again for growth.

Often when I feel something so heavily on my heart it is a good indicator both that my behavior requires some examination and also that it’s time to grow a little stronger in that area. Where am I selfish? Why do I feel the need to be selfish in that situation? What can I do to change the behavior? Am I lacking firm boundaries? What is the nature of the relationship in which I feel selfish? Is it healthy?

Of the many little cards and notes of prayers, inspirational sayings and scripture I have around my home, one says, “Lord, I want to be more like you. May I see where changes are necessary, and trust you for the help I need.”

Sometimes when my eyes pass over this card I find myself unwilling to read through it because I know it can mean hard evaluation and difficult change.

Following Jesus is not a calling to take lightly. Constantly striving to be more like him means constantly fighting my human nature. I am not naturally selfless; by nature I am selfish. And in my selfish nature I can end up withholding love from those who need it, wasting gifts God so graciously gave me, and hiding my light under a bucket.² I don’t want to be that girl.

My prayer today – as I suck in my breath, preparing for hard work ahead – is that God reveal to me where I am selfish and that I trust him to help me make a change. No excuses. I also pray that God grant me the ability to have grace and patience with myself, as I am human and therefore often prone to falling short of my expectations.

Amen! =D

¹ “Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by your integrity.” (1 Timothy 4:12; MSG)

“Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts.” (James 3:13; MSG)

² “You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? Shine!” (Matthew 5:14-16; MSG, para.)

This verse appears in an earlier reflection as well.

Spiritual or Worldly?

"The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. Spirit can be known only by spirit - God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion."  
(1 Corinthians 2:14; MSG)

In my limited experience from this corner of society, on the whole we are not concerned with spiritual matters. We are materialistic consumers who want what we want and we want it now. We are on the go, always busy, not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not spending enough time nurturing ourselves. Go, go, go; work, work, work; do, do, do; spend, spend, spend. We compete for status, trying to keep up with the Jones's possessions, job titles, social circles, piety. Sometimes we compete with the non-conformists, trying to prove that we can conform the least and therefore better than the others.

Even churches and places of worship compete in this world for which denomination (or lack thereof) best exemplifies what it means to be Christian or who lives out the Bible as precisely as possible regardless of inconsistencies. The true meaning of what we claim to believe and follow gets lost and trampled underneath arguments, discord and rivalry.

It is impossible, when wrapped up in all these things, truly to be spiritual. How can I expect to connect openly with God if I'm placing all these other things before him?1 How can I receive what he is so ready and willing to give if I'm too busy trying to get things in this world?2

There is a movement taking place, though, which is pushing more toward the spiritual side of life. Right now it manifests itself in various forms other than religious. A few examples are: Nutrition & fitness self-care, a grassroots effort to move people to healthier eating and living while also taking better care of our God-given planet; Random acts of kindness as a steady trend with an upward swing showing our desire to love our neighbor and make the world a better place; Working for freedom of the expression of love among each other and the different ways that may look in order that we might find harmony.

People yearn for more. We're ready to move out of the desert and stop going in circles around the mountain.3 We are hungry for the spiritual, although it still may seem too taboo among some social groups to admit it. So we move about the undercurrent of acceptable forms of spiritual living, at times completely unaware that what we are doing is exactly that for which God hopes - moving closer to him as we open to our own spirit and in doing so open to God's Spirit. Then, living, breathing and moving together in communion with him, we find our gifts from God.

My prayer today is that I remain focused, not allowing the things of this world to jockey for position with God. In the moments that worry, fear or anything else seek to distract me, I pray for God's wisdom to guide me in righting myself that I may remain open - my spirit and God's Spirit in communion - living and using my gifts to the glory of the Lord.

Amen! =D





1-"Be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do." (James 1:6-8; NLT)
2-"So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give." 
(Hebrews 4:16; MSG)
"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving." (Matthew 6:31; MSG)
3-"Then we turned around and went back into the wilderness. We worked our way in and around the hills for a long, long time. Then God said, "You've been going around in circles in these hills long enough."
(Deuteronomy 2:1-3; MSG para.)

Not What, but Why?

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10)

Tall orders stand before me this Lenten season. But as I step out in faith, I understand that both the sacrifices and the supplements I feel called toward this Lent focus on three key elements:

Obedience. Discipline. Relationship.

Obedience is following that which God set before me as a major dietary change. Lent is a great time to start a new nutrition regimen, however all the new restrictions require a fair amount of research and learning on my end. Had I paid attention when I first received the instruction in January, my research could be done and I could be prepared. But I am human, stubborn and willful, and I not only ignored God's word on the matter, I also openly rebelled against it. So Lent, as a penitential season, provides good opportunity to turn, ask for forgiveness, say yes, and ask for strength to carry out the instructions now.

Discipline is not only sticking to the dietary regimen, but also making the necessary changes in my schedule to make and keep a commitment to reviving Little Meditations during Lent. I admit I've not given God the best of one-on-one time lately. I talked a fair amount about it; I spoke to things I could do to change it, but again, I am stubborn and willful, busy in my little human life, stopping to thank God and say a prayer here and there, but not taking good time to sit with him in quiet or to spend more time than the pre-sleep routine in meditation on his word. Lent is a great time to add back the pause and reflection offered by writing Little Meditations. Discipline is required in order to fulfill this commitment.

Relationship. Stepping into obedience of something into which God called me and disciplining myself in a way which results in more quiet & reflective time in prayer and study both move me closer to God. Every time I say yes, every time I am still, I move closer to God. God so desperately wants us to have real, personal, individual relationships with him. God does so much for me daily. The least I can do is work on my end of that bargain. The least I can do is modify my behavior to say, "You are important and I want you in my life. I will say yes to you and I will make time to be still." The least I can do is pay God more than lip service when I say, "Your will, not mine, be done."

Ouch. That last sentence kind of stings. But this is Lent. And Lent is a season intended for self-reflection and spiritual cleansing as I prepare for the death and resurrection of the One who sets me free. Free from the bondage of self1, free from the petty tyrannies of others2, free from the confines of this world3.

As we begin this Lenten season together, my question for you is not "What are you doing for Lent," but "Why are you doing it?"

May God's glorious strength be with you through this time and may you find his light shining through your commitment to him.

Amen! =D




1-Matthew 10:39; John 10:10
2-Romans 14
3-John 18:36

I’ll Build on the Solid Stuff, Thanks.

I would like to thank a friend who recently started blogging for reminding me how I’ve neglected mine. This weekend while I’m taking time to re-balance my center and quiet the devil trying to knock me off of it, I thought this a good time to revisit my reflections & devotional writing.

“These words I speak to you are not mere additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundation words, words to build a life on.” (Luke 6:47; MSG)

It used to be when I fell out of contact with people that I was isolating myself. Whether I was too depressed, too caught up in one addiction or another, or both, generally I isolated because I believed the lies I told myself that I was nothing more than a waste of space and no one really cared anyway. Often, my tipping point came as a direct result of misplaced focus: putting too much of myself into something that was not guaranteed. It didn’t matter if it was person, place or thing; all were capable of producing the same results. When faced with the disappointment that ultimately comes from such misplaced focus, my response was to play the role of both victim and perpetrator and drive myself deeper into the darkness for awhile.

The problem is that I was building my life on sand.

My Midwestern family often vacationed in cities along the Florida coast. Being landlocked the rest of the year, the beach was one of our favorite things about vacation. Even as a small child who saw the ocean once a year, I quickly figured out that my sand creations would be destroyed by waves if I built them too close to the water. I also remember getting frustrated because the sand was hard to pack firm and often fell in on itself. And should a rogue foot come into contact with it, my masterpiece would quickly and easily crumble.

In my life, however, it took quite a bit longer to figure out the parallel.

I’ve worked hard to improve and strengthen my faith and my relationship with God as well as my life. It makes me happy that, though I might not recall which specific scriptures they are, stuff I’ve read in the Good Book is what comes to mind often as I go throughout my days. For awhile I prayed that praying would come easier to me; now I find I pray almost all the time. My focus is God. I’ve made God my foundation and I’m building my life on his Truth. It’s a much better life, a sturdier life. God is my rock, my root, my guaranteed thing.

God doesn’t let me down, God doesn’t disappoint. If I feel like he has, it probably means I didn’t get something I wanted, or the way I thought I wanted it. When God is my focus, I can take life as it is, not as I think I’d like it to be. With all my trust in God, the people, places and things around me can’t knock me down so easily. With my foundation on God’s solid rock, the devil can kick me as much as he wants, but he will walk away bruised.

So when I feel more susceptible to attack, it’s time to check my focus. If my peace is disturbed around certain people or by what I know to be false perceptions, it’s time to check my focus. If I’m spending more time thinking about peripheral things than meditating on God’s Word and will for my life... it’s time to check my focus. What am I looking at here – God or something else?

The best way to know is to crack the Good Book and see if I’m immersed in the light and living in truth on God’s firm foundation, or if I’ve allowed myself to build on some sand.

“These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit – but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.” (Matt. 7:24-27; MSG)

God, I pray that I continue to build my life upon you, that I may be unshakable, fixed to your truth. When the enemy strikes, help me to stand firm as I yell the battle cry, “I will not be moved!”

Amen. :D

Thought This was the Line for the Teacups

“Right now I am storm-tossed. And what am I going to say? ‘Father, get me out of this’? No, this is why I came in the first place. I’ll say, ‘Father, put your glory on display’.” (John 12:27-28a; MSG)

I’m pretty sure I didn’t voluntarily stand in line for the roller coaster I’ve been on recently.

Except that I did. The moment I prayed, “Your will, not mine,” I signed up. And every moment after, when amidst the prayers for grace, serenity, peace, and rest I earnestly lifted it all up to God and said, “It’s yours,” I got back in line.

God is the master planner, the principal architect, the one with the knowledge and tools to put my life together the best way it can be. Good thing, too, for his design is far better than mine ever could’ve been. My last entry, Cup is full..., was all about giving that truth a nod.

So following that writing, I got back in line to ride again.

Just after I received amazing, life-changing news (God working out those plans I of which I couldn’t have dreamed), I discovered mold in my apartment. My couch in the living room sat against the wall shared with the building’s laundry machines. At some point, some time ago, the washer leaked and mold began to grow on my side of the wall. (Completely unbeknownst to me, as I hadn’t moved the couch in the year and a half I’ve lived here.) It had been growing long enough that it had grown into my couch. My couch, my dear friend with whom I spent my evenings, where I ate, worked on my laptop, watched entirely too much TV, napped and occasionally slept.

I renewed my lease and they offered to have my carpets cleaned. Looking at my apartment I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to rearrange the furniture after they clean the carpet? It’ll be like a new place to go with the new life.” I think I knew I needed it. I also needed to do a serious spring cleaning and de-clutter.  I moved my couch to vacuum underneath and there it is. Mold. Dark, toxic mold. The kind of mold which, seeing as much as I could see of it and as dark as it was, likely expanded out from the visible spots exponentially.

Funny how God works.

I’m very allergic to mold. Suddenly, what I thought was a worsening of my asthma with age stood explained. The seeming ineffectiveness of allergy pills? Clarified. There was no amount of “cleaning” or “fixing” the issue with which I was comfortable. I had to move.

During the moving process I ran into trial after issue after unpleasant situation. Trip after trip in and out to the car, up and down the stairs... No time to pack in an organized fashion, just get the stuff out and get it out fast! And move it up stairs. (There’s a reason why I’ve lived on the first floor for the last ten years.)

Within a few days of being in the new place, I felt so much better. I could breathe easier, my allergies were more in check, I didn’t feel as fatigued. And you know what? I like being on the second floor now because I love having my windows open and I feel safer doing so when not on the ground floor. Though the apartment is the exact same layout, I’ve rearranged the furniture for a different set-up, so it feels new. The big, bulky couch is gone, and as I look at how I am de-cluttering in this major spring cleaning that took its form in haphazard moving, I just want to get rid of more. (I wrote about this in August – we can see how quickly I accomplished the task on my own!)

God’s plans are better. At first I resisted. On the phone with my mom after I found the mold, all I could utter was, “The absolute last thing I want to do is move.” But I didn’t have a choice. God made the choice for me. Fresh starts – new job, new home...  Things come in threes, so what came next?

I got back in line and then strapped in for the next big obstacle that hit me full-force as the move neared completion.

God, I know you go before me in all things and that you are with me through all things. Please help me remember always to find the joy in your divine design and not fall into bitterness or discontent. You prove time and time again that you do a far better job with my life than I do, so now and always (though I’ll forever have to renew), I place my life in your hands. Your will, not mine.

Amen! :D

Gratitude

Matthew 6:31-34

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (MSG)

Amen!

He Really Won’t

1 Corinthians 1:8-9

“God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track... He will never give up on you.  Never forget that.”  (MSG)

I have the privilege of attending a Celebrate Recovery (CR) group that includes women from the local treatment center.  Their brokenness is written all over them, on their faces, in their body language, in the sound of their voices. 

I am thankful that they have the opportunity to attend CR, that they have to opportunity to be in a group where they can freely talk about God and where they can hear what God is doing in others.  In the service they can hear the word of God and in the group they can feel his love. 

This verse, particularly verse nine, speaks to my heart for those in recovery.  Regardless of whether it is recovery from addiction or some other unhealthy behavior, there are many who slip and fall time and time again.  This verse is especially for them.

God is forgiving, not giving up. 

In Matthew 18:21, Peter asks Jesus if he should forgive someone up to seven times.  In 18:22, I can almost hear Jesus laughing: “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.” (MSG) 

I don’t think Jesus meant to set an actual number, but to illustrate that one should not limit forgiveness.  If there was a limit, I might be out of luck.  God, if taking a tally, probably would have reached my 490 a long time ago.  Thankfully for me, God doesn’t keep score.  Thankfully for me, he will never give up on me.

As many times as I wander away from the flock, God will always rescue this sheep.  I pray that as I sit in the room with those women every week knowing that most cannot fathom being where I am now and some may not have hope ever to get there, that I can illustrate God’s forgiveness and give hope with what I share. 

Act Accordingly

Romans 14:22-23

“You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. ... If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong.”  (Rom. 14:22b, 23b; MSG)

Not too long ago a friend of mine and I were having a discussion about God.  This friend is not a member of a church and does not ascribe to any particular set of beliefs.  Out of our conversation, the thing about which she felt strongest was seeing people all around who profess a faith, spout scripture on their Facebook walls and proudly claim belonging to a church, yet their lives are inconsistent with their declarations. 

I knew this was in no way directed at me, but it gave me pause.  Do I live what I believe?

I am human, I am fallible, there will be inconsistencies where my beliefs and actions don’t line up at times.  Those are times to be thankful that God doesn’t expect perfection.  Still, this does not take away from the fact that I should strive with all my effort to live up to my own beliefs, to live my faith.  The NIV poignantly puts it this way: “Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.” (Rom. 15:22b; NIV)  I read this with the meaning that what he approves is what he believes, therefore would condemn himself by not living by his beliefs.

I laid in bed this morning thinking about that conversation and asked myself, “If I never said a word about God, if I never shared the Good News, if I couldn’t speak, would it be evident that I’m living a life of Love? 

A lot of us know the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.”  I love words.  I’m a wordy girl.  God definitely gave me the gift of language.  But language isn’t enough.  Because a few good words won’t feed the orphans, and a well-spoken sermon won’t keep the widows warm.  (See James 1:27)

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense.  Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.  And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.  It’s your basic, all-purpose garment.  Never be without it.”  (Coloss. 3:12-14; MSG)

May my actions speak louder than my words, may I do the work that God has given me to do, and may I always remember to check what I do against what I believe.

Amen!  :D

Prone to Wander

 

"There goes another one..."

Know how God burns calories?

Chasing his sheep.

Philippians 4:4-9

“Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.  Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received from me, or seen in me – put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.”  (NIV, italics mine)

That I am still amazed at the drastic change I feel in my life when I make a point of spending time with God only points to how new I still am at truly making God the focal point of my life.  Complete and total surrender is not an easy thing, especially not for one as stubborn as I am.  Lack of self-discipline has been a theme in my life and is something I still struggle with, meaning I am prone to distraction and, of course, prone to wander.

I got caught up in the busyness of life and, one by one, parts of my day I had devoted to God started to fall away.  I was still praying now and then, still hitting church Sunday morning, still praising him, but life’s distractions had edged him out of my central focal point.  And I knew it happened, but I couldn’t seem to make myself shift it back.

As God moved out of my focus and I prayed less and less, feelings of chaos, anxiety, fear, and sadness began to move back in.  Before I knew it, I found myself in a state of discontentment, confused, a bit bewildered, and wondering how on earth I managed to let myself get to that point.

It wasn’t until I laid myself out and in earnest prayer admitted my error, asked for forgiveness, thanked him for all the blessings he still gave me and begged for help to completely surrender myself that I felt a change.  And oh! what a change. 

God is willing if I am willing.  If I open myself up in earnest prayer and show him that I really mean it, he will almost instantly lift the negative feelings from my heart and wrap me up in his wondrous love. 

God is faithful to the degree to which I am faithful.  Sure, he still provides and cares for me while I’m off wandering along the edge of the precipice, and, yeah, he’ll catch me when I slip and fall, but it is only when I turn and run to him that I will truly feel all the effects of his love, and get to know his peace which passes all understanding.

I pray that I may make a more conscious and consistent habit of earnest prayer. May I walk in his love always, and, though I still will wander from time to time – I am human, after all – I pray that my wanderings are less and less frequent and for shorter periods of time.   

Amen!  :D



BeAT[T]ITUDE

Matthew 5:1-12

Ah, the Beatitudes.  According to Wikipedia:

“The term Beatitude comes from the Latin adjective beatus which means happy, fortunate, or blissful.”

And since there is no such thing as coincidence, it makes me smile that part of the word is “at[t]itude.”  The Beatitudes, from the Sermon on the Mount, are Jesus’ way of condensing all the reasons to count ourselves blessed in life.

Like me, I am sure most who have heard the Beatitudes have heard them in the form of, “Blessed are the...”  This is one of those many instances that very commonly quoted scripture comes across differently in The Message.  At times, since I don’t have book, chapter and verse numbers memorized, I don’t even realize I’m reading the popular verses.  Such was the case when I highlighted Matt. 5:5 some time ago:

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less.  That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”  Matt. 5:5 (MSG)

I love it.  It’s so beautiful to me.  I often come back to that verse to mull it over and chew on it a bit.  To be content with who I am.  Not to desire anything more, not to think anything should be added, nor subtracted.  To find myself a “proud owner of everything that can’t be bought.”  Peace, love, happiness.  This is how I see it, because to be content with myself is to be at peace with myself, to love myself, and to be happy with myself.  The same for my life situation.  The same for the people God has placed in my life.

I look back and I see how, more often than not, my biggest problem was that I was restless and discontent.  I was not only full of self-loathing, I was overly critical of whatever I may have been doing with my life at the time, always seeing how I could be better, do better, live better.  There was no living in the moment. 

I cannot find contentment if I cannot live in the moment. 

Finding the moment, slowing down – I realize this is God’s purpose behind my time right now, just as it was a couple of months ago.  It is so easy to forget and lose track of time in the busyness of life.  But when I am happy with who I am and happy with my life, there’s no telling what doors could open.  Just as it shows when I am miserable, it shows when I am content.  And prospective employers are only a few of many who are far more likely to be drawn to contentment than misery.  Nothing is more attractive than someone who is content with herself and her life. 

I invite you to read the Beatitudes in my favorite translation.  If you do not own a copy of The Message, I have posted them here.

Here’s to an attitude of blessedness, to contentment, to peacefulness.  May I never forget that God provides me with everything I need, and to be content with who I am, where I am, and what I am doing.

Amen!  :D

Okay, Letting Go of the Branch!

John 15:16a; Psalm 139:15, 16

“You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you.  I know you inside and out, I know every bone in your body.  Like an open book, I watched you grow from conception to birth; all the stages of your life were spread out before me, the days of all your life prepared before you’d even lived one day.”  (MSG, swapped you’s & I’s from Psalm so God is speaking.)

Today’s inspiration came not from a scriptural devotional, but from AA’s Daily Reflections.  It is only a short little blurb about self-acceptance, but the way the writer worded the last sentence struck a chord with me this morning.

“I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant self-criticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself.” (p. 324)

Like so many others, I can be incredibly hard on myself.  At times I set my expectations so high I could never find a ladder tall enough to reach them.  One little mistake at a certain time or place or with certain people will haunt me far longer than it needs to.  And often I find that something I’ve been beating myself up over went completely unnoticed by anyone else in the human world.

It wasn’t too long ago that I often heard it said, “If God can forgive you, then who are you not to forgive yourself?”  Same idea here:

“If God accepts you, who are you not to accept yourself?”

Everyone makes mistakes.  My mistakes are no lesser or greater than others’ in the grand scheme of things.  God made me who I am.  He made me in his image for pete’s sake!  I am “marvelously made!” (Psalm 139:14 MSG)  Who am I to tell God he made a mistake?  Who am I to tell God he went wrong somewhere when he created me?

There is no moment of my life that God didn’t know would happen before time even began.  All things must run their course, so I may as well let go of the branch and hang on to the raft.  The branch, of course, being any mistake or anything over which I am self-condemning.  Staying there I will only flounder and flail in the rushing water, stalling my progress and making things more difficult for myself.  Letting go and hanging on to the raft I can literally go with the flow, dealing with rocks and waterfalls as they come, and not fight against the current.

So my prayer today is to let go of that arrogant self-criticism, remember that I am a child of God, and make a conscious effort to accept myself for who I am, and to love and care for myself, as my Heavenly Father loves and cares for me.

Amen!  :D

I Probably Ought to Get Spiked Shoes for This

Isaiah 2:3

“They’ll say, “Come, let’s climb God’s Mountain, go to the House of the God of Jacob.  He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.” (MSG – italics mine)

This was one of those open the bible randomly to a page & verse with prayerful hand moments.  I read Isaiah 2:1-5, but verse three is what stuck out to me the most. 

At first reading, the second half stuck out – that God will show us how he works so that we can live the way we’re made.  We can live the way we’re made.  And how are we made?

We are made in God’s image.  We are made of love.  We are made of light.

The problem – at least for me – is that it is so easy to get caught up in seeing how the world works that I forget to pay attention first and foremost to the way God works.  So I see what I think the world thinks.

I’m not good enough.  I have friends, but I still feel really alone.  I somehow often manage to do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, act the wrong way. 

Lies.  Lies the world tells me.  Lies the enemy sneaks into my thoughts.  If I listen to God, if I seek the truth, I hear that I am beautiful, that I am talented, that he loves me and has big plans for me!  So I need to pay attention to what God is doing so that I can see how he works and I can live the way I am made.

In order to do that, however, I must climb God’s Mountain.  And the way that translates to me today is that I have to lean on my trust in God and step out in faith to do that which he is calling me to do.  I must conquer any fear I may have, face the responsibilities he wants to bestow upon me, do the work he has asked me to do and climb that mountain. 

It will not be easy.  Climbing mountains of any kind is not easy.  There are many risks and dangers along the way.  Obstacles to overcome.  Which is where leaning on trust comes into play.  It is through trust in God that I will find confidence – confidence that should my foot slip and I start to tumble backward down his rocky crag, he will catch me and put me right back on my feet.  Confidence that, should I encounter an obstacle which feels far too large for me, God is always bigger and he’s got everything under control.

Thank God!

So here’s to stepping out in faith, to determination, to developing discipline to keep me on the path, to perseverance and to God’s gifts of mercy and grace.

“Come, let’s climb God’s Mountain, go to the House of the God of Jacob. He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.  Come, family of Jacob, let’s live in the light of God.” Isaiah 2:3, 5 (MSG)

Turn Around

2 Corinthians 1:8-9

“As it turned out, it was the bet thing that could have happened.  Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally – not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead!  And he did it, rescued us from certain doom.  And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.”  (MSG)

It’s moments like these that I have to shake my head in wonder at my human self.  For the past week and a half, I’ve been struggling.  Nothing near the struggles I used to know, but struggling nonetheless.  Some right decisions took a backseat to impulse, there were a few of those things I had my hands all over even though I knew I needed to be trusting in God.  It was a very typical LKB mix of trying to do too much and not doing anything at all.

I’m sure if I tried hard enough, I could pinpoint all the reasons for my straying from the path these last several days, but more than anything else it is fear.  Whether or not I realize it, and regardless of what is causing the fear, that is generally the root of this type of behavior for me. 

I’ve tried valiantly not to be too hard on myself and cut myself some slack remembering that I am a work in progress and that, comparatively, I’m still doing a heckuva lot better than I used to.  As I picked up my devotionals this morning and saw that I had missed a day or two more of reading than I’d thought, I felt some of those old feelings creeping in again.  But before I had the chance to utter any small prayer for God to help me with them, I saw highlighting on the back of page I was on for one of the devotionals.

It was this verse. 

It’s the reminder that I have to fall prey to my human tendencies to do the wrong thing now and then in order to see again and again the difference that totally and completely trusting God makes in my life.  It’s the reminder that he has rescued me from certain doom (on plenty of occasions!).  It’s the reminder that he will continue to rescue me as many times as I need rescuing.

There’s no limit to God’s love.  And there’s no limit to his mercy.  Every time I turn to run toward him, his arms are wide open, just waiting to embrace me.

Amen!  :D

Look, It Was Your Idea

Exodus 33:12-15

I love this little gem in the story of Moses.  Moses is fed up, frustrated – he was given a job he didn’t want to do, asked to lead an ungrateful group of people with selective hearing, and constantly has to fight for them with the one who asked him to lead them!  Just after the incident with the golden calf, God tells Moses he isn’t coming with them on their journey because he’s over the Israelites’ behavior.  He even says, “I couldn’t stand being with you for even a moment – I’d destroy you.” Exodus 33:5 (MSG) 

So Moses, at the end of his rope, not only calls God out on the irony, he gives him an ultimatum.  He says, “Look, you tell me, ‘Lead this people.’ ... Don’t forget this is your people, your responsibility.”   God says, okay, “My presence will go with you.” 

“If your presence doesn’t take the lead here, call off this trip right now.”  Ex 33:13-15 (MSG)

So my boss has this great idea, gets me in on it with him, has me round up a bunch of people he know will be difficult to deal with, gets me into the middle of a project, gets tired of dealing with the people and tries to send me off on my own to finish the project with them, saying: 

“I’ll be with you in spirit...” 

“Like hell you will!  Your butt will be with me here and now and through the rest of it or else call off the whole thing.  I didn’t get into it on my own and I’m not doing it without you in the lead because this whole thing was your idea!”

I love it!  I love it because it makes God so tangible, which seldom happens  in the Old Testament.  He’s so often this large, raging, cloud, burning bush, wrathful, “Okay, fine, I won’t kill you this time,” God, that to see him in this conversation with Moses puts him on a relatable human level.  Moses is out in the hot sun with the Israelites, doing the hard work, and God just left Starbucks, coffee in hand, pulling out the keys to his BMW, trying to get off the phone with Moses, “My presence will go with you...”

How often I have felt like Moses: God, if you don’t take the lead here, then just call the whole thing off!  I have a vague idea of what I’m supposed to be doing, and I know God’s presence is here with me, but I’d really rather he take the lead and just give me clear instruction on what I am to do and where I am to go. 

But God wants me to do the better part of the work on my own.  Not because he thinks he’s better than me and would rather be cruising around in his BMW, but because he has entrusted me with a task he knows I can accomplish, even if I can’t see that I am capable of it.  He will not leave me high and dry, and as much as I love picturing God glibly saying, “I’ll be with you in spirit,” leaving me to fend for myself, the fact is that he never leaves me.  He really is with me in spirit – always has been, always will be.

So when I next catch myself feeling like Moses in the desert, wanting to throw my phone down and stomp on it in anger because I know God’s got a nice cold iced coffee in his air-conditioned BMW, I will try to remember that God’s not blowing me off.  He’s simply doing what he does, nudging me out of the nest so I can fly on my own.  He’ll never give me more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:13), and he knows better than I do what I can handle.  He knows when he needs to make the drive out to the desert and bring me some water.

Amen!  :D

"My presence will be with you."

(Photo by Bauer Griffin)

He Knew You'd Click the Link

Psalm 139:13-16

“Body and soul, I am marvelously made!” Psalm 139:14b (MSG)

Oh, how amazing the difference in my attitude toward myself inside and out when I look in the mirror and gleefully say this verse out loud in praise to God!  In this joyful Psalm David shouts his praise to God for how wonderfully God has made him. 

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother’s womb. 

I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! 

Body and soul, I am marvelously made! 

I worship in adoration – what a creation! 

You know me inside and out,

you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

before I’d even lived on day.” 

Psalm 139:13-16 (MSG)

This is a lovely bit of scripture on which I think it would be good to meditate daily.  It’s a great reminder not only of how God “marvelously” made me, but also of how he knows every single moment of every single day long before I ever encounter it.  He knew, for instance, that I would get to writing today’s meditation late because of the string of events – both good and bad – that happened this morning.  And he knew that after I worked through my emotions that I’d be in my usual spot on the couch in front of the laptop asking for inspiration while the sliding glass door was open to the screen so the kitties and I could enjoy the cool fall weather. 

I don’t want to take my moments for granted.  In that moment I spill coffee on my new shirt or that moment I ram my toe with great force into something hard and stationery, I want to smile because I know that God already knew it was going to happen and, somehow, it’s all part of a grander plan.  ...even if that part is God’s comic relief. 

Amen!  :D

He Ain't Lettin' Go

John 6:37

Near then end of my first week in treatment, a rather negative, opinionated girl came to join our community.  Fresh out of detox, she was sick as could be and the only words that came out of her mouth were complaints – usually littered with the “f-bomb” – about how awful she felt, about how much pain she was in, about how she didn’t want to be there, about how everyone was irritating her, about how she couldn’t get what she needed (*ahem* wanted).

Many of the other women in the community paid her no mind except to complain about her as she was always negative, always making our group late, and in general, just a miserable person to be around.  Another young, Spirit-filled lady and I pounced on her the first night we found her unhappy self slouched on the sidewalk by the clubhouse, wrapped in a flannel blanket, pale, shivering and sweaty, freezing and looking like death on a glorious, warm Florida evening. 

She was too sick to get away from us, and complaining or telling us to go away did her no good.  We raved about how life can get better, about the amazing things God could do, about how turning her attention and all the focus from all the bad stuff to something good, even if it was just the thought, “Today, I feel a little bit better than yesterday,” could make an incredible difference in how she entered and came through her recovery.

Queen of the “yeah, buts,” she slowly started asking questions, bringing up issues and ideas that kept her from wanting to believe in God or accept any kind of spirituality into her life.  Many of the other ladies started to see that there was something much more valuable in this young woman and came at her more from a caring mother/sister viewpoint rather than the irritated co-worker viewpoint.  My roommate took her under her wing like a child and all of us worked to show her the love she’d never had in her life. 

I’ll never forget the morning she got into the van and was as bright as the sun.  She’d figured it out, and was experiencing the newness of God’s joy.  That night she handed me a prayer she’d written about accepting Christ into her life and asked if I would find something just for her in the bible to read when we said the prayer together. 

I’m not sure why God worked it out the way he did – it’s not for me to understand – but we never got to pray that prayer.  God had me place her prayer in my bible next to the verse he’d picked just for her, but I never got to read it with her. 

Filled with this new joy and getting this new attention from the kind of people who before may never have given her the time of day, she got distracted.  She fell for one of the guys in treatment and he was good to her, which was also foreign, new and exciting.  The enemy, angry that she had thought about walking away from him reached in and grabbed her and took over just long enough to create a situation which resulted in her removal from the center. 

That night, as my roommate and I sat on our patio, praying for her, I opened my bible to where her prayer and my highlighted verse were.  The verse God had chosen clearly illustrated he knew it would be more for me than it would be for the young lady who wanted him in her life.  He knew we would never read it together, that it would be I coming back to it when I needed to hear it, to be comforted by it.  Because I knew more about the life she’d led, I had grown to love her like a part of my family, and now I watched her having been tossed back into the world unprepared.  I was worried and scared for her, understanding I may never know what happened to her.  But God pointed out to me that Jesus said,

“Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me.  And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.” John 6:37 (MSG)

Amen.  :D