But I Want It Now

Romans 5:3-4

“We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.”  (MSG, italics mine)

I’ve never been one to be good with patience.  At least, not the waiting kind.  I can have the patience of a saint when it comes to dealing with an unruly child, but make me wait on something and I won’t have any fingernails left. 

There’s a particular area of my life I constantly try to take back from God.  Why?  Because I get tired of waiting.  I get impatient.  In spite of the fact that I have plenty of evidence that my doing so causes more trouble, I continue to give it up, take it back, give it up, take it back...   I know God sits there and shakes his head, maybe doing an occasional facepalm when I really botch things up by trying to take over.

Just last night we talked about it, God and I, and I expressed to him my frustration.  “You made me, you know I need this, please!”  Right?  I need it.  Says who?  Me?

What I do need right now is to turn it around and develop that passionate patience.  God has placed a situation in my life where lack of patience in this area could really cause me some trouble.  Lacking the patience I definitely will not forge my steel of virtue and I’ll get so caught up in my mess that I certainly won’t be alert to what God is doing. 

And I know, in the end, that is why I need to be patient and wait until the time is right anyway.  With this particular issue I am prone to be completely distracted from God if I am not ready when it comes.  He knows this.  He knows I need to be stronger in him before I can have these other things come into my life.

In the verse that follows, Paul points out that in developing this patience and living in alert expectancy we will never be left feeling “shortchanged.  Quite the contrary – we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives by the Holy Spirit!” (Rom. 5:5 MSG)

That is where my focus should be: on all the blessings God constantly pours into my life.

Lord, grant me patience and help me to look at the blessings, not at what I think is missing.

Amen!  :D

Who Do You Think Inspired Newton?

Source: www.asc-csa.gc.ca

Romans 11:32

”In one way or another, God makes sure that we all experience what it means to be on the outside so that he can personally open the door and welcome us back in.”  (MSG)

Evil must exist so that I may know Good.  Darkness must exist so that I may know Light.  I must know myself as I Am Not in order to know myself as I Am.  Without one, I cannot know the other.

Newton’s Third Law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  The New Testament is full of warnings that the closer we get to God, the more we shall be persecuted.  In those days, this often referred to the suffering and hatred early Christians endured just because they followed Jesus.  The key thing to remember, though, is that this also applies to the forces of evil which wish to work against us.  The more I move toward God, the more the enemy is going to try to push me back.

It is clearly illustrated in the story of Job that God allows Satan to bring great suffering upon Job.  Over and over, especially after natural disasters or sudden deaths, the question is asked, “Why does God allow bad things to happen?”  At the end of Job’s suffering, God blessed him in ways he couldn’t even imagine.  And in the wake of great disasters we often see an uprising of human good – be it humanitarian aid, people coming from all over to help out at the scene of the catastrophe, or just general human kindness and giving.  Following the death of a loved one, a family often comes together.  All perhaps only for a short time, but still an equal and opposite reaction.

Without one, we cannot know the other. 

There is a reason why I must endure desert times.  If I never wandered away from the fold, I could never know myself as the Wonderfully Made Child of God that I Am.  If I never experience “being on the outside,” I become complacent and gratitude fades.  By allowing me to wander out now and then, God ensures that I never forget how much I have for which to be thankful, how much he has done for me, and how he continues to provide.  He knows that, eventually, I will come to my senses, turn, and come running back to him where he stands by the open pasture gate with his arms open just waiting to embrace me.

The Good News is, the closer I get to God, the stronger I grow in my faith and the more deeply I am ingrained in his word, the shorter my desert times will be.

This morning I stood at the gate, shuffling my hooves and looking at the open expanse before me.  God patted my head and stood by with a smile on his face, making no move to stop me from leaving or shoo me back in.  The gate is always open, I am not forced to stay here.  As I looked up at my Faithful Shepherd, I was filled with gratitude for the things from which he has delivered me.  I “baa’d” a prayer of thanks and ambled back into the pasture, glad to have the desert be just a memory today and not where I am wandering instead. 

Amen!  :D 

He Really Won’t

1 Corinthians 1:8-9

“God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track... He will never give up on you.  Never forget that.”  (MSG)

I have the privilege of attending a Celebrate Recovery (CR) group that includes women from the local treatment center.  Their brokenness is written all over them, on their faces, in their body language, in the sound of their voices. 

I am thankful that they have the opportunity to attend CR, that they have to opportunity to be in a group where they can freely talk about God and where they can hear what God is doing in others.  In the service they can hear the word of God and in the group they can feel his love. 

This verse, particularly verse nine, speaks to my heart for those in recovery.  Regardless of whether it is recovery from addiction or some other unhealthy behavior, there are many who slip and fall time and time again.  This verse is especially for them.

God is forgiving, not giving up. 

In Matthew 18:21, Peter asks Jesus if he should forgive someone up to seven times.  In 18:22, I can almost hear Jesus laughing: “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.” (MSG) 

I don’t think Jesus meant to set an actual number, but to illustrate that one should not limit forgiveness.  If there was a limit, I might be out of luck.  God, if taking a tally, probably would have reached my 490 a long time ago.  Thankfully for me, God doesn’t keep score.  Thankfully for me, he will never give up on me.

As many times as I wander away from the flock, God will always rescue this sheep.  I pray that as I sit in the room with those women every week knowing that most cannot fathom being where I am now and some may not have hope ever to get there, that I can illustrate God’s forgiveness and give hope with what I share. 

Did I Remember to Pack That?

1 Peter 1:18a**

“Your life is a journey you must travel with deep consciousness of God.” (1 Pet. 1:18a MSG)

The messages that I am receiving lately are all very much about developing an awareness of and a deeper relationship with God.  I am coming into the understanding that my life will never feel fulfilled without these things.  It is when I drift away – when I lose consciousness – that, in my disconnect, I find myself in discord, prone to confusion, chaos, discontentment, anxiety and fear.

When life seems to get really difficult is precisely when I should stop what I am doing and devote time to getting back to God.  When God gets out of focus, life gets blurry.  I have to make the time to clean my lens and make the appropriate adjustments so I can see clearly before trying to move forward.  What blows my mind is how long it takes me to do this, even when I know how much better it will make everything. 

No, my problems don’t disappear when I reawaken myself to the presence of God.  What changes is how the world around me affects me.  The reason it is said that God’s peace passes all understanding is because it does.  There is no human understanding of the magnitude of God’s peace.

While over and over it is reinforced that we are Loved and that God’s desire is for our joy and to provide us with all we need, it is also said a number of times that there will be suffering.  (It’s in a lot of places in the bible, but you can also find all of it in John 15.)  To have joy does not mean to be without suffering.  What makes all the difference is how I define suffering and how I let suffering define me.

As with many words, suffering has several variations of a similar definition tied to it.  From Merriam-Webster: Suffer – 1)To submit to or be forced to endure; 2) undergo, experience; 3) to put up with, especially as inevitable or unavoidable; 4) to allow, especially by reason of indifference.

It is such a common thing automatically to think of suffering as a negative, painful and unpleasant thing.  It can just as easily be seen as simply another experience.  God said there will be suffering meaning, life isn’t easy.  Stuff happens. 

But suffering does not cancel out joy, and in developing an awareness of God, cultivating a relationship and being deeply conscious of him I can find joy in my life here on earth regardless of my circumstances.  This is how many of the great masters across several religions and philosophies were able to maintain peaceful lives.  This is at the heart of the Way, the Truth and the Light.  This is where it all begins: Deep Consciousness of God.

Dear Lord, even when times are tough, keep me from losing consciousness.  Help me to fully experience life here by living in you, in your love, with your peace and joy through all the hills and valleys of my journey. 

Amen!  :D

**In The Message, this scripture is at the beginning of verse 18.  In my checking against other versions of the bible, comparable language falls at the end of verse 17.  Ever want to check out other translations of the bible without having to buy them?  BibleGateway.com has 30 different English translations as well as translations in many other languages.

Act Accordingly

Romans 14:22-23

“You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. ... If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong.”  (Rom. 14:22b, 23b; MSG)

Not too long ago a friend of mine and I were having a discussion about God.  This friend is not a member of a church and does not ascribe to any particular set of beliefs.  Out of our conversation, the thing about which she felt strongest was seeing people all around who profess a faith, spout scripture on their Facebook walls and proudly claim belonging to a church, yet their lives are inconsistent with their declarations. 

I knew this was in no way directed at me, but it gave me pause.  Do I live what I believe?

I am human, I am fallible, there will be inconsistencies where my beliefs and actions don’t line up at times.  Those are times to be thankful that God doesn’t expect perfection.  Still, this does not take away from the fact that I should strive with all my effort to live up to my own beliefs, to live my faith.  The NIV poignantly puts it this way: “Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.” (Rom. 15:22b; NIV)  I read this with the meaning that what he approves is what he believes, therefore would condemn himself by not living by his beliefs.

I laid in bed this morning thinking about that conversation and asked myself, “If I never said a word about God, if I never shared the Good News, if I couldn’t speak, would it be evident that I’m living a life of Love? 

A lot of us know the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.”  I love words.  I’m a wordy girl.  God definitely gave me the gift of language.  But language isn’t enough.  Because a few good words won’t feed the orphans, and a well-spoken sermon won’t keep the widows warm.  (See James 1:27)

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense.  Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.  And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.  It’s your basic, all-purpose garment.  Never be without it.”  (Coloss. 3:12-14; MSG)

May my actions speak louder than my words, may I do the work that God has given me to do, and may I always remember to check what I do against what I believe.

Amen!  :D

Prone to Wander

 

"There goes another one..."

Know how God burns calories?

Chasing his sheep.

Philippians 4:4-9

“Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.  Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received from me, or seen in me – put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.”  (NIV, italics mine)

That I am still amazed at the drastic change I feel in my life when I make a point of spending time with God only points to how new I still am at truly making God the focal point of my life.  Complete and total surrender is not an easy thing, especially not for one as stubborn as I am.  Lack of self-discipline has been a theme in my life and is something I still struggle with, meaning I am prone to distraction and, of course, prone to wander.

I got caught up in the busyness of life and, one by one, parts of my day I had devoted to God started to fall away.  I was still praying now and then, still hitting church Sunday morning, still praising him, but life’s distractions had edged him out of my central focal point.  And I knew it happened, but I couldn’t seem to make myself shift it back.

As God moved out of my focus and I prayed less and less, feelings of chaos, anxiety, fear, and sadness began to move back in.  Before I knew it, I found myself in a state of discontentment, confused, a bit bewildered, and wondering how on earth I managed to let myself get to that point.

It wasn’t until I laid myself out and in earnest prayer admitted my error, asked for forgiveness, thanked him for all the blessings he still gave me and begged for help to completely surrender myself that I felt a change.  And oh! what a change. 

God is willing if I am willing.  If I open myself up in earnest prayer and show him that I really mean it, he will almost instantly lift the negative feelings from my heart and wrap me up in his wondrous love. 

God is faithful to the degree to which I am faithful.  Sure, he still provides and cares for me while I’m off wandering along the edge of the precipice, and, yeah, he’ll catch me when I slip and fall, but it is only when I turn and run to him that I will truly feel all the effects of his love, and get to know his peace which passes all understanding.

I pray that I may make a more conscious and consistent habit of earnest prayer. May I walk in his love always, and, though I still will wander from time to time – I am human, after all – I pray that my wanderings are less and less frequent and for shorter periods of time.   

Amen!  :D



Really, God?

Lamentations 3:19-24

Life can be difficult.  Even the most devout and God-faithful run into times when life just plain stinks.  Regardless of the reason, many of us will have bad moments, bad days, bad weeks, bad years.  The key in all of this, is not to lose sight of God. 

I find myself a bit upset with God today.  Mostly because I was completely caught off guard by something which has left me feeling let down.  One of the things over which I have been praying so hard lately, it seemed as though I was getting an answer, then in one quick moment it was taken away. 

It’s not so much the situation itself as it is the, “Really??  Really??!!” factor.  Where I thought I could find some relief, I now find complication.  Where I thought I could find some rest, I now find trouble. 

So, I let God have it.  I let him know exactly what I think about the whole thing.  I told him in clear, direct, angry language that I’m upset.  And I didn’t use nice words. 

And then I went to my bible.  I searched for a verse under the heading of “discouragement” because I just wasn’t getting anything out of what I’d already read.  Likely because I’m a bit closed off to God today, which isn’t a good place to be.  Eventually, I landed in Lamentations, the name alone being appropriate to my feelings.  I found what I needed to find – a verse that speaks to being upset and let down, but the importance of remembering God’s love and faithfulness.  There is something greater in all of this, I just have to get over it and move on.

“I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.  I remember it all – oh, how well I remember – the feeling of hitting the bottom.  But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope.  God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.  They’re created new every morning.  How great is your faithfulness!  I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).”  Lam. 3:19-24 (MSG, italics mine.)

So I will ask God’s forgiveness for being angry with him and I will spend plenty of time today in prayer about this situation, looking less at how it hurts and more at where I can go from here.  And I will rest assured that tomorrow is a new day, and God has a plan.

Amen!  :D

Heaven Here

Revelation 15b-17

“The One on the Throne will pitch his tent there for them: no more hunger, no more thirst, no more scorching heat.  The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life.  And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.”  (MSG)

Admittedly, I haven’t spent a lot of time with the book of Revelation.  John’s visions sound not unlike strange dreams, the kind from which I wake and feel odd for the rest of the day, whose images stick with me for many years because they are so bizarre.  For me, reading the book of Revelation is like sorting through these dreams, trying to find the pieces that make any sense or mean anything.

Currently, one of my devotionals is going through part of Revelation.  As I wade through the winged animals covered in eyes, the scroll and all it unleashes and the thunder and lightning and fire and doom, I try to pick up on what I can take away from it.  Today I found promises tucked into the chaos. 

Revelation 15b-17 succinctly outlines what it means to have everlasting life in Christ Jesus with God the Father in Heaven.  When I move into life with him, I shall never be in want.  All my needs will be met, and my sorrow will end.

What I believe is often overlooked is that one does not need to wait until life here on this earth is over in order to move into everlasting life.  With complete and total surrender to the Way, the Truth and the Life I will find that, indeed, all of my needs are met and my sorrow has ended.  The hard part is complete and total surrender.

In this world, perception is highly skewed.  And with all the distractions and the lessons I learned growing up in this society, it can be difficult to see with the eyes other than those of my own human nature.  Heaven on earth is possible, but it takes work and retraining of my brain in order to see that it can be here now.

The promise – shelter from the storm, endless provision, unconditional love, and joy.  The more time I spend with God, the more possible it becomes.    

God, I ask that you help me to keep my eyes open and to see the work you are doing in my life.  When my eyes fall and begin to scan the things which bring up my human worries, please reach down and close them so I spend a moment in prayer before lifting them back up to you.  Help me to keep my eyes on you, Lord.

Amen!  :D

BeAT[T]ITUDE

Matthew 5:1-12

Ah, the Beatitudes.  According to Wikipedia:

“The term Beatitude comes from the Latin adjective beatus which means happy, fortunate, or blissful.”

And since there is no such thing as coincidence, it makes me smile that part of the word is “at[t]itude.”  The Beatitudes, from the Sermon on the Mount, are Jesus’ way of condensing all the reasons to count ourselves blessed in life.

Like me, I am sure most who have heard the Beatitudes have heard them in the form of, “Blessed are the...”  This is one of those many instances that very commonly quoted scripture comes across differently in The Message.  At times, since I don’t have book, chapter and verse numbers memorized, I don’t even realize I’m reading the popular verses.  Such was the case when I highlighted Matt. 5:5 some time ago:

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less.  That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”  Matt. 5:5 (MSG)

I love it.  It’s so beautiful to me.  I often come back to that verse to mull it over and chew on it a bit.  To be content with who I am.  Not to desire anything more, not to think anything should be added, nor subtracted.  To find myself a “proud owner of everything that can’t be bought.”  Peace, love, happiness.  This is how I see it, because to be content with myself is to be at peace with myself, to love myself, and to be happy with myself.  The same for my life situation.  The same for the people God has placed in my life.

I look back and I see how, more often than not, my biggest problem was that I was restless and discontent.  I was not only full of self-loathing, I was overly critical of whatever I may have been doing with my life at the time, always seeing how I could be better, do better, live better.  There was no living in the moment. 

I cannot find contentment if I cannot live in the moment. 

Finding the moment, slowing down – I realize this is God’s purpose behind my time right now, just as it was a couple of months ago.  It is so easy to forget and lose track of time in the busyness of life.  But when I am happy with who I am and happy with my life, there’s no telling what doors could open.  Just as it shows when I am miserable, it shows when I am content.  And prospective employers are only a few of many who are far more likely to be drawn to contentment than misery.  Nothing is more attractive than someone who is content with herself and her life. 

I invite you to read the Beatitudes in my favorite translation.  If you do not own a copy of The Message, I have posted them here.

Here’s to an attitude of blessedness, to contentment, to peacefulness.  May I never forget that God provides me with everything I need, and to be content with who I am, where I am, and what I am doing.

Amen!  :D

Okay, Letting Go of the Branch!

John 15:16a; Psalm 139:15, 16

“You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you.  I know you inside and out, I know every bone in your body.  Like an open book, I watched you grow from conception to birth; all the stages of your life were spread out before me, the days of all your life prepared before you’d even lived one day.”  (MSG, swapped you’s & I’s from Psalm so God is speaking.)

Today’s inspiration came not from a scriptural devotional, but from AA’s Daily Reflections.  It is only a short little blurb about self-acceptance, but the way the writer worded the last sentence struck a chord with me this morning.

“I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant self-criticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself.” (p. 324)

Like so many others, I can be incredibly hard on myself.  At times I set my expectations so high I could never find a ladder tall enough to reach them.  One little mistake at a certain time or place or with certain people will haunt me far longer than it needs to.  And often I find that something I’ve been beating myself up over went completely unnoticed by anyone else in the human world.

It wasn’t too long ago that I often heard it said, “If God can forgive you, then who are you not to forgive yourself?”  Same idea here:

“If God accepts you, who are you not to accept yourself?”

Everyone makes mistakes.  My mistakes are no lesser or greater than others’ in the grand scheme of things.  God made me who I am.  He made me in his image for pete’s sake!  I am “marvelously made!” (Psalm 139:14 MSG)  Who am I to tell God he made a mistake?  Who am I to tell God he went wrong somewhere when he created me?

There is no moment of my life that God didn’t know would happen before time even began.  All things must run their course, so I may as well let go of the branch and hang on to the raft.  The branch, of course, being any mistake or anything over which I am self-condemning.  Staying there I will only flounder and flail in the rushing water, stalling my progress and making things more difficult for myself.  Letting go and hanging on to the raft I can literally go with the flow, dealing with rocks and waterfalls as they come, and not fight against the current.

So my prayer today is to let go of that arrogant self-criticism, remember that I am a child of God, and make a conscious effort to accept myself for who I am, and to love and care for myself, as my Heavenly Father loves and cares for me.

Amen!  :D

I Probably Ought to Get Spiked Shoes for This

Isaiah 2:3

“They’ll say, “Come, let’s climb God’s Mountain, go to the House of the God of Jacob.  He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.” (MSG – italics mine)

This was one of those open the bible randomly to a page & verse with prayerful hand moments.  I read Isaiah 2:1-5, but verse three is what stuck out to me the most. 

At first reading, the second half stuck out – that God will show us how he works so that we can live the way we’re made.  We can live the way we’re made.  And how are we made?

We are made in God’s image.  We are made of love.  We are made of light.

The problem – at least for me – is that it is so easy to get caught up in seeing how the world works that I forget to pay attention first and foremost to the way God works.  So I see what I think the world thinks.

I’m not good enough.  I have friends, but I still feel really alone.  I somehow often manage to do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, act the wrong way. 

Lies.  Lies the world tells me.  Lies the enemy sneaks into my thoughts.  If I listen to God, if I seek the truth, I hear that I am beautiful, that I am talented, that he loves me and has big plans for me!  So I need to pay attention to what God is doing so that I can see how he works and I can live the way I am made.

In order to do that, however, I must climb God’s Mountain.  And the way that translates to me today is that I have to lean on my trust in God and step out in faith to do that which he is calling me to do.  I must conquer any fear I may have, face the responsibilities he wants to bestow upon me, do the work he has asked me to do and climb that mountain. 

It will not be easy.  Climbing mountains of any kind is not easy.  There are many risks and dangers along the way.  Obstacles to overcome.  Which is where leaning on trust comes into play.  It is through trust in God that I will find confidence – confidence that should my foot slip and I start to tumble backward down his rocky crag, he will catch me and put me right back on my feet.  Confidence that, should I encounter an obstacle which feels far too large for me, God is always bigger and he’s got everything under control.

Thank God!

So here’s to stepping out in faith, to determination, to developing discipline to keep me on the path, to perseverance and to God’s gifts of mercy and grace.

“Come, let’s climb God’s Mountain, go to the House of the God of Jacob. He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.  Come, family of Jacob, let’s live in the light of God.” Isaiah 2:3, 5 (MSG)