I Am A Child of God

“But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves.” John 1:12 (MSG)

“...but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.” Luke 18:14b (MSG)

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.” Matthew 5:5 (MSG)

I spent so many years running from myself, hating all or parts of who I was. I saw all my faults and failures, honed in on criticism against me. When anyone had something nice to say about me, I would think, “Yeah, but they don’t know everything.” So many years of self-loathing, scarcely able to look at myself in the mirror some days. I thought myself unworthy – as a friend, as a family member, as a church member, even just as a living and breathing person. Two of my most common thoughts were: “I am a failed attempt to fly,” and “I am a pathetic excuse for a human being.”

But I am a child of God. And God doesn’t make mistakes.

It is only in giving myself to God, entrusting my life to his care that I can let go of those lies. It is in praying for surrender to God, to his love, and to his will for my life that I find freedom. Yes, I am a work in progress (I must continually pray for patience!), but it is in surrender that I find my true self. I learn who my real self is, my child of God self, and I learn to love myself just as I am. He loves me unconditionally, madly and passionately – the least I can do is simply love me.

Sure, I still have faults and failures, but all that is overruled by God’s gracious love. I don’t have to live in the lies anymore, whether they are the lies the world tells me or the lies I tell myself. Because I am worth it. Living in God’s light and love I know that I, too, can be light and love. Jesus said, “You are the light of the world.” (Matt. 5:14) He was talking to people like me, everyday people, people living imperfect lives. And he tells us to shine!

Often the most powerful testimonies come from those whose lives have changed so dramatically – ex-cons, recovering addicts, former prostitutes, etc. Why? Because the change in their lives was such that people around them couldn’t help but see the difference. And like the leper made clean, they can’t help but run into town praising what God has done for them (Luke 5:12-15).

But we are ALL children of God. The change doesn’t have to be so dramatic. Jesus wants ALL of us to shine. The Child-of-God ‘Club’ of Light and Love is not exclusive. There are no membership fees. There are no requirements. We were all created by him, in him, and through him. No mistakes were made. Each of us is here exactly as who we are, where we are for a specific reason and/or purpose.

So embrace it. Embrace God, and find and embrace your true self, your child of God self.

“If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.” Matt 10:39

There is no better feeling than to throw my arms open wide, tilt my head back and pray, “I want to be yours. Holy and wholly. Let me walk in your light and love; let me be your light and love to others. Here I am. Use me. I want your will for my life. Let my light shine.”

Amen!

Are You Tired?

Lately I’ve been under the attack of insomnia. Lack of sleep and always being on the go have left little energy for anything else. Though I’m still praying and spending time in the word, I have not been spending good, solid quiet time with my God. And I’m thirsty, so, so thirsty.

I’ve been blocked, completely without inspiration, and all the times I’ve sat down to write, words do not come – or if they do, they only spill onto the page in a jumbled mess.

But I will not let the enemy win by giving in to this severe exhaustion. He’s been able to take me down by depriving me of sleep in the past, but it will not work this time. I will not crumble under the weight of this fatigue. After all, I can rest in the arms of my Jesus.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG)

I gave today completely to God. After church I came home, changed my clothes, then went to the place where I always feel so close to him: the beach. It was a glorious, sunny day and I walked with bare feet on the sand, allowing thoughts to come in and go right out of my head, trying to clear the brain-clutter and just be with God.

When he said, “Be still,” I stopped and sat down in the sand. I laid back, arms stretched out, and until my mind could quiet, I asked to give over anything I was holding onto, for God to reveal and help me release whatever was holding me back. I gave him my exhaustion, my sleep troubles. Then I focused on asking him to fill me up, to breathe into me. And then I was still.

I would’ve thought more time had passed with how peaceful and rested I felt, lying there in the sand, just hanging out with God. And as the rain started to roll in and I walked back to my car, I didn’t feel quite so tired anymore. My energy was renewed and the light was brighter in my eyes.

Here’s to making the time to be still. Even when I am exhausted and I feel there are other things to do, what can wait until tomorrow so that I may take a few minutes to just sit and be still with my God?

Gratitude

Matthew 6:31-34

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (MSG)

Amen!

Going on the Of[fence]

Ephesians 5:1-2

“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious, but extravagant.” (MSG, italics mine)

I do my best to love, I really do. Admittedly, I don’t always like other drivers on the road or people who cause me to have to work harder than necessary, but I really do try to have love in my heart for everyone. I pray daily for God to let me be a channel for his love.

Having love in my heart for everyone is actually rather easy. What I find difficult – and I know I’m not alone in this – is caution vs. extravagance for love in action. Loving in a way I thought extravagant, trying to be like Christ, to give, to be kind, etc, has caused me pain, gotten me into trouble, and brought people into my life in a way I didn’t want them to be there.

I am currently taking some fear-based precautions with a new friendship. Recent events during my wilderness time reinforced these fears and sent me racing to the find my bricks and rebuild my walls, the same walls I’ve constructed over years of undesirable experiences. I tend to succumb to isolation. As much as I want people in my life (I really do), I simply don’t trust them (they make it hard). I am safer being lonely (that’s a lie).

In a conversation about this yesterday, though I realized that I am not doing what I’ve always done. I’m not falling back into old patterns despite the fear that I am.  I feel like I am being cautious, but what I am doing is working to enter this friendship slowly and develop appropriate Boundaries.

There’s a book by that name by Cloud and Townsend that has come up several times recently in unrelated conversations with unconnected people. A sign perhaps? I did a small group study on the book four years ago, but I am in such a vastly different place in my life – a place where I feel I really can set healthy boundaries – that picking it up again might not be a bad idea.

The problem with my old walls is that they are old. They have gaps and holes and cracks in all the wrong places from being torn down and rebuilt time and time again. In the book it refers to boundaries being more like a fence than a wall. A fence protects me, yet is still open. And it has a gate. I can talk to a neighbor over the fence without letting her in. I can walk away from the fence if the neighbor tries to attack me.

My walls, however, keep me closed off. They create an extreme of inside and outside with no intermediate space. People try to break in, and if they try to attack me, I can’t see it coming. I am actually more vulnerable with my solid walls than I would be with an open fence.

I just pulled the book off the bookshelf. I’m going to work on tearing down my walls, one-by-one, and putting a nice fence up in their place.

Now the question is, what do I want my fence to look like?

God, help me pull down these walls and put up a fence. Your hands and mine working together, help me to put each board in its appropriate place and properly locate the gate.

Amen!