Because I Said So

Zechariah 10:7

“I know their pain and will make them good as new.  They’ll get a fresh start, as if nothing ever happened.  And why?  Because I am their very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for them.”  (MSG)

I used to live in a world of darkness and pain.  It eventually became easier to believe that I was defective in a way that could not be healed than to try method after treatment after long-shot, losing hope with each failed attempt that I would ever find a way out of the dark. 

Plenty of those bleak years I spent yelling at God, cursing God, blaming God.  He created me, he made my life, therefore he was responsible for my pain.  After the first major shift in my universe when I stopped moving away from him and began my journey moving toward him, more often than not my simple plea was a weak, “God, help me, please.”

I had gotten to the point, however, that I didn’t even believe I deserved to be healed.  I had decided that I was being punished, that I somehow deserved my darkness and the aching of my soul.  So I didn’t really believe God would heal me, I just desperately wanted him to ease my pain. 

I rarely considered God’s purpose in all of it.  Toward the end of my depression I was so utterly lost that I couldn’t summon up any kind of purpose for my life and everything I had been through.  I knew God had his reasons and I wanted to trust in his plan, but I was tired.  I was so tired.

Today, as I sit and think about how life was then, I stop, as I often do, and simply say, “God, thank you for my life.” 

He brought me out of the darkness.  When it was time, when I was ready for whatever he had in store for me, he reached into the depths of my soul and not only eased my pain, but healed it.  I was, indeed, made new.  And I returned to my life to find myself in a position to make a fresh start.

God will do what needs to be done for me, but it’s up to me to trust that he has the plans for the architecture of this life.  It is not for me to understand, and while he may grace me with revelations, I must be content in not always knowing why things happen.

A line from a morning prayer I wrote reads: “May I always remember that you have the top of the puzzle box and trust that each piece you place next is chosen at that time for a reason or reasons which may remain unknown to me.”

I don’t ask why very much anymore.  Coming into my new life, that was one of many huge changes.  I no longer sat in the dark and cried, “Why, God?”  But if I look at this verse and follow its, “Why?” then I see the answer plain and simple.

So if I find myself tempted to ask God, “Why?” about something, I pray that I can remember the answer as he said it through Zechariah:

“Because I am [your] very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for [you].”  (Zech 10:7b, MSG)

Trust me.  I’ve got things under control.  --God

Amen!  :D