Come With Me

 “Jesus said, “Come with me.” They didn’t ask questions. They dropped their nets and followed.” (Mark 1:16-18; MSG, para.)

Is there anyone of whom you can think who, if they walked up to you today, would produce the same response from you that Jesus got from the first disciples? Can you think of anyone, famous, local or otherwise, who could compel you to drop everything and follow if only he/she asked?

Depending on which Gospel one reads, the story of the first disciples varies a little. Matthew and Mark both are brief: Jesus sees the men fishing, calls to them; immediately, they follow without question. Luke expands on it, showing Jesus teaching already, and being seen & known around town. He comes upon the fisherman and teaches while they are near, then performs a miracle before calling them to follow him.¹ John’s Gospel highlights John the Baptist declaring Jesus is the Lamb of God, and it’s his disciples who first follow Jesus after hearing the proclamation.²

What was it about this man that made some people so willing to give up everything and follow him? Was it the authority of his teachings? ³ Was it his living by example?  Was it the miracles, the healings, the fact that he hung around the lowly? Certainly, his healing power and the miracles were the reason a large number of people followed him, but for those closest to Jesus, the disciples, what drove them to stick to Jesus like glue?

I have the benefit today of having Jesus’ life and teachings, as well as teachings and letters from the first Christian churches, to guide and aid me in my Christian walk. Yet I have the comforts of a privileged human existence: roof over my head, food to eat, bed to sleep in, job, phone, computer, friends, family, cats... I experience Jesus from the pages of a book, miracles occurring without sight of him, and promptings of the Holy Spirit. I experience Jesus in the love and kindness of others, the grace and forgiveness of those I’ve wronged, the guidance and care of spiritual leaders.

One might say I’m well-prepared and have good knowledge of who Jesus is. But I have to ask myself: If I was out walking on the beach and Jesus came up beside me, saying, “Come with me,” would I go? Or would I be like those who said, “Okay, but first I have to get my affairs in order,” rather than follow him immediately?⁴ I don’t know the answer to those questions. I like to think I would simply say, “Okay!” but I know my human heart may have misgivings about giving up everything I know about living and everything I have in my life.

Yet it could be that being in the mere presence of the Glory of God in human form would remove all doubt, worry and fear, freeing me simply to say yes to God.

My prayer today is that in those moments when I feel Jesus calling, I do my best to follow. It may not always look like I want it to, sound like I want it to, or be what I want it to – certainly at times it may seem foolish and crazy to people around me – but may I do my best to follow. Jesus, today and all days I am graced with this human life, may I do my best to follow you with all my heart, mind and soul.

Amen! =D

¹ See Luke 5:1-11. Also this entry: May I Interrupt?

² John 1:29-51

³ Matthew 7:29; Mark 1:22

⁴ Matthew 8:18-22; Luke 9:57-62

Spiritual or Worldly?

"The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. Spirit can be known only by spirit - God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion."  
(1 Corinthians 2:14; MSG)

In my limited experience from this corner of society, on the whole we are not concerned with spiritual matters. We are materialistic consumers who want what we want and we want it now. We are on the go, always busy, not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not spending enough time nurturing ourselves. Go, go, go; work, work, work; do, do, do; spend, spend, spend. We compete for status, trying to keep up with the Jones's possessions, job titles, social circles, piety. Sometimes we compete with the non-conformists, trying to prove that we can conform the least and therefore better than the others.

Even churches and places of worship compete in this world for which denomination (or lack thereof) best exemplifies what it means to be Christian or who lives out the Bible as precisely as possible regardless of inconsistencies. The true meaning of what we claim to believe and follow gets lost and trampled underneath arguments, discord and rivalry.

It is impossible, when wrapped up in all these things, truly to be spiritual. How can I expect to connect openly with God if I'm placing all these other things before him?1 How can I receive what he is so ready and willing to give if I'm too busy trying to get things in this world?2

There is a movement taking place, though, which is pushing more toward the spiritual side of life. Right now it manifests itself in various forms other than religious. A few examples are: Nutrition & fitness self-care, a grassroots effort to move people to healthier eating and living while also taking better care of our God-given planet; Random acts of kindness as a steady trend with an upward swing showing our desire to love our neighbor and make the world a better place; Working for freedom of the expression of love among each other and the different ways that may look in order that we might find harmony.

People yearn for more. We're ready to move out of the desert and stop going in circles around the mountain.3 We are hungry for the spiritual, although it still may seem too taboo among some social groups to admit it. So we move about the undercurrent of acceptable forms of spiritual living, at times completely unaware that what we are doing is exactly that for which God hopes - moving closer to him as we open to our own spirit and in doing so open to God's Spirit. Then, living, breathing and moving together in communion with him, we find our gifts from God.

My prayer today is that I remain focused, not allowing the things of this world to jockey for position with God. In the moments that worry, fear or anything else seek to distract me, I pray for God's wisdom to guide me in righting myself that I may remain open - my spirit and God's Spirit in communion - living and using my gifts to the glory of the Lord.

Amen! =D





1-"Be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do." (James 1:6-8; NLT)
2-"So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give." 
(Hebrews 4:16; MSG)
"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving." (Matthew 6:31; MSG)
3-"Then we turned around and went back into the wilderness. We worked our way in and around the hills for a long, long time. Then God said, "You've been going around in circles in these hills long enough."
(Deuteronomy 2:1-3; MSG para.)

Not What, but Why?

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10)

Tall orders stand before me this Lenten season. But as I step out in faith, I understand that both the sacrifices and the supplements I feel called toward this Lent focus on three key elements:

Obedience. Discipline. Relationship.

Obedience is following that which God set before me as a major dietary change. Lent is a great time to start a new nutrition regimen, however all the new restrictions require a fair amount of research and learning on my end. Had I paid attention when I first received the instruction in January, my research could be done and I could be prepared. But I am human, stubborn and willful, and I not only ignored God's word on the matter, I also openly rebelled against it. So Lent, as a penitential season, provides good opportunity to turn, ask for forgiveness, say yes, and ask for strength to carry out the instructions now.

Discipline is not only sticking to the dietary regimen, but also making the necessary changes in my schedule to make and keep a commitment to reviving Little Meditations during Lent. I admit I've not given God the best of one-on-one time lately. I talked a fair amount about it; I spoke to things I could do to change it, but again, I am stubborn and willful, busy in my little human life, stopping to thank God and say a prayer here and there, but not taking good time to sit with him in quiet or to spend more time than the pre-sleep routine in meditation on his word. Lent is a great time to add back the pause and reflection offered by writing Little Meditations. Discipline is required in order to fulfill this commitment.

Relationship. Stepping into obedience of something into which God called me and disciplining myself in a way which results in more quiet & reflective time in prayer and study both move me closer to God. Every time I say yes, every time I am still, I move closer to God. God so desperately wants us to have real, personal, individual relationships with him. God does so much for me daily. The least I can do is work on my end of that bargain. The least I can do is modify my behavior to say, "You are important and I want you in my life. I will say yes to you and I will make time to be still." The least I can do is pay God more than lip service when I say, "Your will, not mine, be done."

Ouch. That last sentence kind of stings. But this is Lent. And Lent is a season intended for self-reflection and spiritual cleansing as I prepare for the death and resurrection of the One who sets me free. Free from the bondage of self1, free from the petty tyrannies of others2, free from the confines of this world3.

As we begin this Lenten season together, my question for you is not "What are you doing for Lent," but "Why are you doing it?"

May God's glorious strength be with you through this time and may you find his light shining through your commitment to him.

Amen! =D




1-Matthew 10:39; John 10:10
2-Romans 14
3-John 18:36

May I Interrupt?

“Simon Peter, when he saw it, fell to his knees before Jesus. “Master, leave. I’m a sinner and can’t handle this holiness. Leave me to myself.” (Luke 5:8; MSG)

Shortly before this moment, Jesus, in an effort to better teach the eager crowd closing in on him, interrupted Simon in his work and had him put his boat back out in the water. I would like to be able to read of this interaction and the time in-between, but maybe it is better to imagine it...

Simon, James and John spend a long, tiring night out on the lake only to come back empty-handed. They beach their boats and begin the thankless task of washing their large nets. Perhaps they think about how many nights there were like this, how they will provide for their families, when they will finally haul in a good catch. Who knows if they even notice or pay attention to Jesus and his growing crowd?

Then Jesus just climbs right into Simon’s boat. Totally hops in uninvited and then has the nerve to ask Simon to get in, too, and put the boat back out in the water. Simon recognizes Jesus as the man who recently healed his mother-in-law (Luke 4:38-39). Feeling a bit obligated, he complies with Jesus’s request, then sits nearby in the boat while Jesus teaches the masses gathered on the shore.

I can’t help but imagine Simon spent that time in the boat much like many of us do in the pew on Sunday. He catches bits and pieces of what Jesus says, but he is distracted. His mind is on the long night and lack of fish. He thinks about the net he has yet to wash. He knows better than to expect James and John will do it for him since he’s stuck out here with this Jesus character. Simon’s attention is feeble at best as he checks off his mental to-do list and tries to prepare for the coming day.

As Jesus wraps up his sermon, Simon yawns. Jesus turns to him and says, “Push out into deep water and let your nets out for a catch.” (Luke 5:4) Simon thinks, “Is he kidding? Seriously? I didn’t catch anything all night and I already have one net waiting for me to wash on the shore and now he wants me to take the boat out again and toss my clean nets out?” He summons all his courage and patience as he again remembers that Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Half-protesting, half-obedient, Simon does as Jesus asks, sure to point out the clear folly in his request as he threw the nets out. Immediately, the nets fill with fish. So many fish that James and John have to bring their boat out to help haul in the catch.

How often do I find myself in this situation? I’m tired, I’m frustrated, nothing’s going my way, I’m worried about bills, I don’t have enough time, and then – God interrupts. Absolutely no consideration for what I think or feel about it, he tells me to put the boat in the water. Then he talks for awhile and I sit in the boat, yawning and half-heartedly listening as I think about things I need to get done. Then God nudges me and says, “Go deeper.” Somewhat reluctantly, I go. And suddenly I find myself in that place of God’s Abundance, that Romans 5:1-2 promise of the Peace and Grace that come side-by-side with stepping out in faith.

I often feel like Simon Peter, falling to my knees and saying, “I do not deserve this.” Because I know, as Simon knew, that I could’ve done better, listened closer, tried harder, been more willing, etc, etc. The thing is, I never could be “good enough” for God’s Grace. I never could do or say enough to earn his Love. Which is why I am thankful that God’s Grace is freely given. There isn’t a thing I have to do to earn his Love – it is already mine without condition. And no matter how many times I fall, he will pick me up, dust me off and kiss me on the forehead as he says, “I forgive you.” Every time.

So how does Jesus reply when Simon falls to his knees and confesses his feelings of unworthiness?

“Jesus said to Simon, “There is nothing to fear.” (Luke 5:10b)

There is nothing to fear.

With that, Jesus tells Simon, James and John that they will be fishers of men. The three new disciples leave everything – everything – behind and follow Jesus. Because it never really was about the fish, was it?

My prayer today is that I work harder to stay focused on that which God reveals to me. It is so easy to be distracted by the things of this world and my daily life. I pray that I may strengthen my ears to therefore be quicker in perking them up when I hear the voice of my God speaking to me.

Amen!

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

“I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal. When friends said, “Everything will turn out all right,” I didn’t believe a word they said.” Psalm 77:2; MSG

Currently I am going through a training course geared toward providing pastoral care in a hospital setting. The course is rooted in the principles of Christian love and Christian care giving. Since it is taught in a hospital that is not faith-based we are challenged to move outside the “Jesus is the answer” box and provide Christian care without invoking the name of Christ out of respect for those whose faith journey follows a different path. This is hard for some, as all of us in the class have testimony to how being a believer has made all the difference in how we cope with and handle the presence of suffering in our lives. It proved an especially challenging exercise given the question we faced in our most recent class: "Why does God allow bad things to happen?"

We were given the week between classes to ponder the question and prepare for discussion. My thoughts on it ranged from answers found in my Christian faith to principles and ideas from Eastern religions, different philosophical musings and the plain ol’, “It is what it is,” ideology. I also asked a lot of people around me to hear their thoughts on the subject. In AA meetings that week I listened a little harder when people shared how they moved through trials and what their varied spiritual experiences were and are.

For the duration of class we carried on a very involved discussion. We covered every range of answers and lack thereof, we explored rebuttals, some shared stories, many shed tears, some struggled with how not to try to lead someone to Jesus or give "cheap grace." One gentleman especially struggled tonight because this coming Saturday is the one-year anniversary of his beloved wife's death. His faith was evident though, as through his tears he continued to give thanks and praise to God and shared how God moved through his wife's illness and death and the growth he experienced as a result. After class he was visibly having a hard time holding it together, so I walked over to give him a hug and he burst into sobs, lifting me off the floor as I hugged him tightly and he cried. I just held onto him for a little bit, then when I sensed his breathing slow, I told him I loved him, gave him an extra squeeze and walked away.

Ultimately, that is what I walked away with from the discussion. I'd gone in having concluded that I have plenty of answers to that question that can be tailored to all different kinds of people, but none is ever sufficient. In those crisis moments, those Psalm 77:1-10 moments, there isn’t really anything anyone can do or say to sufficiently explain suffering in a way that will bring comfort. However, I was unable to resolve that conclusion, thinking, okay, so then what? The lightbulb moment came in listening to everyone, to how much we want to fix people and show them the way, to the reminders from the chaplain that we are in the process, not the results, understanding it's okay not to have all the answers – perhaps the best answer is no answer at all, but a demonstration of Love through the simple act of having the Grace to allow people to be where they are, listening, genuinely caring and unconditionally loving. I believe, as experienced with my classmates and aware of it in myself, that sometimes we get so focused on how we can be of use and what that looks like that we forget to stay in the moment and instead block the incoming flow from the Spirit because we are trying to think our way to the best way rather than just letting God have his way.

I pray today that I may better learn how to let the Holy Spirit move through me, especially in opportunities to allow people to be where they are. May I be an instrument of God not only in my speaking, but even more so in my listening.

Amen!

Kindness is Catching, You Know

2 Timothy 2:20-26

“Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing.” (2 Tim. 2:21; MSG)

I refuse not to believe in the basic good of all people.

What it comes down to is that we all have pasts. We’ve all been hurt, mistreated, abused, used, abandoned, praised, loved, hated, worshiped, forgotten, lied to… Everything everyone says or does is directly influenced by what happened to her and how she has or has not dealt with it.

This in no way excuses poor behavior, it merely explains it.

But at the core, at the seed of our being, we are all good people. God created each one of us, after all. Yet while God is so Amazing and Wonderful and Good, the world we created with our free will is often harsh and cynical and terrifying.

Society – at least in the corner of the world with which I am familiar – is far more slanted toward the negative than the positive, and more toward the individual than the group. Social implications teach us to tear others down to make ourselves look or feel better rather than build each other up. Tabloids and gossip shows exploit the famous, highlighting their faults and failures. Reality shows are often edited to show people at their worst, treating each other poorly and creating unnecessary drama. We find this entertaining, I think, because seeing what’s wrong with others’ lives makes us feel better about our own. Bad day at work? Boss was mean? Go home, kick back to reality TV and feel better by watching the petty drama. Or turn on the news and feel better about the blah of life because at least we aren’t in Syria, our kids haven’t been kidnapped, or our house didn’t catch fire.

Imagine what would happen if all that was taken away. Imagine if we focused on the good things and didn’t glorify negative news. Imagine what the world would be like if we really did just love each other.

These days, as I continue growing in my spirit-filled life, I work hard to stay positive, to encourage others, to give compliments, perform random acts of kindness, go out of my way to be nice to others – even if they aren’t nice to me. It does not take long to see the impact this has on the people around me. And I’m just one person!

Robin Sharma, an inspirational author, once said, “Leave each person better than you found them.” I was taught growing up to leave a place better than I found it. (Babysitting? Clean up a little bit, even if they didn’t ask.) I love, love, love the idea of applying that to people and I am implementing it into my behavior. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a coworker, family member, or clerk at the grocery store. Smile, be polite, engage. Doing that we just might make someone’s day.

I remember an email chain going around once that was the story of two boys, one of which was severely bullied. One day, the second boy went out of his way to be kind to the first, walking home with him and talking to him about the day. Years later, the bullied boy told the second boy that he had planned on killing himself that night until the second boy was nice to him. That one act of kindness gave him enough hope to carry on. We may never know what chain reaction our kindness has, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it can have incredible power! A kind word, a smile, a nice gesture…  Who knows what it could do for someone?!

So how does this relate to my refusing not to believe in the basic good of all people? In my interactions with others, it is that Good Seed God planted toward which I speak and act. If someone is rude toward me, I don’t talk to the rudeness. I reach out to the Good Seed. If someone offers harsh criticism, after he walks away I pray over his day and whatever may be going on in his life (Matt 5:44).

Now, it is important to bear in mind that this is a Christ-like attribute toward which to strive. It is an aspect of a spirit-filled life, a God-gift. We must, must, must always remember that we are human, we are not perfect, and we will not be able to keep this up 100% of the time. There is stuff going on in our lives, too. Just yesterday I allowed tired frustration to color my interaction with a pharmacy associate. She was only kind to me, but I was tired after a long day of work, irritated that they didn’t have what I wanted, beyond ready to go home, and therefore not as pleasant as I could’ve been. Even Jesus couldn’t keep it up 100% of the time (“Jesus was irate and let them know it…” see Mark 10:14), and if HE couldn’t do it, WE certainly can’t expect to. The key is to keep that in mind, to heighten our awareness of our attitudes toward others, to recognize and acknowledge when we fall short, and to pray about it, asking for forgiveness and the strength to do better the next time.

My prayer tonight is that I continue to work toward kindness, to seek out the Good Seed in everyone I meet, and that I can create sparks and light matches that help spread the Holy Fire of God’s Grace and Love.

Amen!  :D

Cup is Full, but He Keeps Pouring!

Ephesians 3:20

“God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!” (MSG)

This verse caught my eye while flipping pages, hunting for a different verse for my special Lenten project. I began to write the other, then realized this is the one God wanted. As I reached to shut down the computer and head to bed, he nudged. Write your gratitude, Love.

This verse embodies how I am feeling these days. I am so completely and utterly in awe of what God is doing in my life – it is without a doubt beyond my wildest dreams, more than I ever could have imagined, guessed, or requested. I can’t even count the number of times I have had streams of gratitude flowing down my face in the last couple of weeks. And here they come again now. I can’t help it: My Cup Runneth Over.

As his mercy and grace flow in and makes me new, the old is flowing out.

It’s almost an odd feeling, suddenly to be so overcome and to feel the wet of the tears rolling down my cheeks, not crying or sobbing, but breathing normally, and just tears and tears and tears like God turned the faucet on. I can’t stop it and I don’t want to. Even though it is a strange sensation, it feels amazing. Cleansing. Relieving.

I’ve had more than a handful of people ask if I’ve lost weight recently. I’m small in stature, so even a slight change is noticeable, but I haven’t seen it. All I can think is that God helps me continue to shed the pounds of my past. Every day he makes me lighter as he draws me nearer.

Words can never express the profound gratitude I feel.

Doors continue to open, miracles continue to happen. And I do mean miracles! God has restored hopes and dreams within me that I never thought could be revived.

I work really hard these days to stay in contact with God throughout my day, every day. The praying without ceasing is becoming more of a habit and less of an, “Oh, yeah, I should pray.” Every song I sing now comes forth as a prayer. And as much as I – I’ll say it again – as much as I wanted to be writing more and I had certain ideas about how I’d spend my time during Lent, God had something else in mind. Turns out he wanted some more intimate time with me, just me and God, God and me.

God opened my heart wide and revealed things to me I may have missed had I been intent on still trying to do things my way, even in a godly way.

God is good. All the time.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound; such a beautiful surrender. Not me, God, but you. Fill me up.

Amen! 

I Am A Child of God

“But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves.” John 1:12 (MSG)

“...but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.” Luke 18:14b (MSG)

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.” Matthew 5:5 (MSG)

I spent so many years running from myself, hating all or parts of who I was. I saw all my faults and failures, honed in on criticism against me. When anyone had something nice to say about me, I would think, “Yeah, but they don’t know everything.” So many years of self-loathing, scarcely able to look at myself in the mirror some days. I thought myself unworthy – as a friend, as a family member, as a church member, even just as a living and breathing person. Two of my most common thoughts were: “I am a failed attempt to fly,” and “I am a pathetic excuse for a human being.”

But I am a child of God. And God doesn’t make mistakes.

It is only in giving myself to God, entrusting my life to his care that I can let go of those lies. It is in praying for surrender to God, to his love, and to his will for my life that I find freedom. Yes, I am a work in progress (I must continually pray for patience!), but it is in surrender that I find my true self. I learn who my real self is, my child of God self, and I learn to love myself just as I am. He loves me unconditionally, madly and passionately – the least I can do is simply love me.

Sure, I still have faults and failures, but all that is overruled by God’s gracious love. I don’t have to live in the lies anymore, whether they are the lies the world tells me or the lies I tell myself. Because I am worth it. Living in God’s light and love I know that I, too, can be light and love. Jesus said, “You are the light of the world.” (Matt. 5:14) He was talking to people like me, everyday people, people living imperfect lives. And he tells us to shine!

Often the most powerful testimonies come from those whose lives have changed so dramatically – ex-cons, recovering addicts, former prostitutes, etc. Why? Because the change in their lives was such that people around them couldn’t help but see the difference. And like the leper made clean, they can’t help but run into town praising what God has done for them (Luke 5:12-15).

But we are ALL children of God. The change doesn’t have to be so dramatic. Jesus wants ALL of us to shine. The Child-of-God ‘Club’ of Light and Love is not exclusive. There are no membership fees. There are no requirements. We were all created by him, in him, and through him. No mistakes were made. Each of us is here exactly as who we are, where we are for a specific reason and/or purpose.

So embrace it. Embrace God, and find and embrace your true self, your child of God self.

“If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.” Matt 10:39

There is no better feeling than to throw my arms open wide, tilt my head back and pray, “I want to be yours. Holy and wholly. Let me walk in your light and love; let me be your light and love to others. Here I am. Use me. I want your will for my life. Let my light shine.”

Amen!

Are You Tired?

Lately I’ve been under the attack of insomnia. Lack of sleep and always being on the go have left little energy for anything else. Though I’m still praying and spending time in the word, I have not been spending good, solid quiet time with my God. And I’m thirsty, so, so thirsty.

I’ve been blocked, completely without inspiration, and all the times I’ve sat down to write, words do not come – or if they do, they only spill onto the page in a jumbled mess.

But I will not let the enemy win by giving in to this severe exhaustion. He’s been able to take me down by depriving me of sleep in the past, but it will not work this time. I will not crumble under the weight of this fatigue. After all, I can rest in the arms of my Jesus.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG)

I gave today completely to God. After church I came home, changed my clothes, then went to the place where I always feel so close to him: the beach. It was a glorious, sunny day and I walked with bare feet on the sand, allowing thoughts to come in and go right out of my head, trying to clear the brain-clutter and just be with God.

When he said, “Be still,” I stopped and sat down in the sand. I laid back, arms stretched out, and until my mind could quiet, I asked to give over anything I was holding onto, for God to reveal and help me release whatever was holding me back. I gave him my exhaustion, my sleep troubles. Then I focused on asking him to fill me up, to breathe into me. And then I was still.

I would’ve thought more time had passed with how peaceful and rested I felt, lying there in the sand, just hanging out with God. And as the rain started to roll in and I walked back to my car, I didn’t feel quite so tired anymore. My energy was renewed and the light was brighter in my eyes.

Here’s to making the time to be still. Even when I am exhausted and I feel there are other things to do, what can wait until tomorrow so that I may take a few minutes to just sit and be still with my God?

Working on My Butterfly

Psalm 51:10, 12

“Create in me a pure [clean] heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.”  (NIV)

“God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!” (MSG)

Lent can be a pretty somber time. It is penitential, about self-examination and sacrifice, and as we move through the season in scripture, Jesus moves toward his final hour in the flesh. Yet every Ash Wednesday, after my priest marks our foreheads with ash saying, “Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” after we’ve said a litany of penitence and confessed our sinful nature, the choir sings Create in Me, a song based on the verses above.

Lent is also a time of rejuvenation. It is a time for growth and renewal. And at the end, as the sun and son rise on Easter morning, we can give birth to our new selves, move forward in new lives. Lent is a cocoon. Lent is a retreat for the soul.

Many people give up things for Lent while others add in something new. Growing up, my mom, sister and I attended church, and Mom would make the Lenten resolution for all of us. I swear it was the same every year: No chocolate. Every year, at some point during Lent, a bag of M&Ms would show up in the house.

As a kid, I didn’t understand the significance of giving something up and sticking to it through the season. Even though I attended a Catholic grade school and I am sure was taught about what Lent was supposed to mean, it had no tangible meaning to me. I couldn’t see or understand any of it, and our yearly chocolate routine proved that there were no repercussions for not keeping a Lenten resolution.

So why do we do it? In my current adult understanding, the idea is based upon the fasting that took place in biblical times. Fasting isn’t just about sacrifice, it’s also about turning more of the focus on God. Fasting can be penitential and can allow for heightened awareness. But perhaps most importantly, fasting is a conscious act. A person chooses to fast in order to repent or to grow in a relationship with God.

In my lifetime, I can only think of one time I successfully stuck to giving something up for the entire season of Lent. I have found that I am far more successful if I add something God-focused to my routine. For where I am on my journey, throwing in another devotional or reading a new book (or getting back to Little Meditations) will do more to bring me closer to God.

Besides, I don’t eat nearly enough chocolate these days for it to be a sacrifice to give it up. 

Lord, as I snuggle into this cocoon of Lent with you, let my daily prayer be those lines from Psalm 51: Create in me a clean heart, renew in me a steadfast spirit, restore to me your joy, and grant me willingness. May the things I add or remove with intention this season bring me ever closer to you and help me to live in your will for my life.

Amen.

Lifted Up

1 Peter 5:10

“The suffering won’t last forever.  It won’t be long before [the God of all grace] this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ – eternal and glorious plans they are! – will have you put together and on your feet for good [will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast].”  (1 Pet. 5:10, MSG [NIV])

I’ve been hanging out in the desert for the past week or so.  I didn’t feel completely disconnected from God, but I knew I wasn’t where he wanted me to be.  He provided for me, then I ran with a couple of things on my own and actually kind of shut him out.  I kept talking to God some, but I wasn’t really listening for any response or direction. 

I’ve written recently about God allowing things to happen in my life for the purpose of teaching me about myself. I also outright prayed for him to break me because I know it can take drastic measures to hammer a point home with me sometimes. 

God was listening.  He watched as I wrote one day about a part of my life I always take back where I needed to learn patience, then watched as less than a week later I had already forgotten and was charging forward on my own. 

The series of events that took place just over this past weekend alone were so perfectly orchestrated to break me in such a precise manner that I was standing on the rim of hell before I lifted my hands high and God picked me up.  In a matter of moments, I went from being a completely and utterly terrified mess to resting in God’s arms, at peace, lighter than I have felt yet.  I could not have looked at the whole situation and seen how many things God was going to use it to heal.  It was impossible to know until it happened just how he was working it all in me. 

I feel God everywhere, but I feel especially connected to him at the beach.  I ended up on an empty beach Sunday evening, which is where this moment of healing took place.  God took me out there, when I had no idea I was even near a beach, and it just so happened to be a beach I have only been to one other time – another time God took me there for healing.

Standing at the water’s edge, I watched the sun set and felt God lift me up as I reached for him.  He restored peace and quiet to my soul, and took yet more things from me that have caused me pain.  I felt a renewed sense of joy, and when I stepped back, I was blown away by how symbolic my footprints in the sand were.  I’ve never had footprints quite like these.  Instead of being imprinted in the sand, they were extruded, almost as evidence of the weight God had lifted from me, evidence that he had lifted me up.

I’m thinking I should hang these footprints up as a reminder.  God’s grace is beyond measure and his mercy never ceases.

Amen!  :D