Just. Be. Still.

“Relax, Daniel, don’t be afraid. From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

I got up on the wrong side of the bed today. I was in good head space when I went to sleep, but I woke up angry and combative. Never a great way to start the day.

The day started anyway, and I worked to stop the running arguments in my head as I went through my usual morning motions. I sent up a handful of hurried prayers for God to release me. The arguments persisted. I grabbed a notebook and angrily wrote out about three or four pages of what was going on in my mind. If it hadn’t been for time, I would’ve written more. As I threw together my things to hurry out the door for work, I dialed my sponsor in hopes of releasing some of the tumult. No answer.

Arriving at work, I glossed the subject with a co-worker and friend in whom I can confide, touching only the basic idea of what had me so afflicted. He offered some limited perspective and helped by giving me a couple of extra things to consider. I calmed a bit and began my work day. As I feel tends to happen when I am already in a state of agitation, several things popped up just within the first three hours that grated on my raw nerves. Another co-worker approached and undeservedly received a barrage of angry words about the things that had irritated me in the past hour.

Knowing I needed to do something to change my attitude, I stepped outside to take a few minutes and pray. The first thing that came to my mind was the Prayer of St. Francis. Following that, a few deep breaths in stillness and earnest requests to God to help me seek to be compassionate and understanding. Opening my eyes I picked up my Bible and the page fell open to Daniel. Highlighted on the page, I saw first, “’Don’t be afraid, friend. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. Take courage. Be strong.” (Daniel 10:19; MSG) As I read and re-read the words, I indeed felt peace seep in.

Further up on the page the highlighted words, “From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

As I sat in my car and breathed in the warmth and sunshine wafting in through the open windows, the war of the morning subsided.

I just needed to be still for a few minutes, call out to God from the stillness, then sit with him in the stillness. Why, oh, why, oh, why does it seem so difficult for me to just. be. still. It is one of the primary reasons why one of my Lenten commitments was to this blog. As evidenced by the lack of recent posts, I allowed other things in life to win out yet again. Always there is the struggle to differentiate between treating myself with grace and allowing behavior to continue that is inconsistent with what I believe or what I desire in my life.

And ultimately, that is the underlying issue right now with anything I approach.

So here is a revision for this last week and a half of Lent, most especially for Holy Week, a time to which I should devote myself in earnest to what the week remembers. If I write a reflection, great. If I don’t get to it, no sweat. More importantly than anything else, I need to spend time in stillness. So my commitment is to make that time. To apologize to anyone or anything that I must miss for it, and to make that time. To show God I’m serious about this and I want my relationship with him more than anything else.

My prayer today is that those of you who stumble across this blog and also struggle with stillness find the strength with me to sit quietly with God every day. To make space for God rather than fit God in.

Amen.

Room Full of Boxes

“From the ends of the earth I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you are my refuge.” (Psalm 61:2-3; NLT/NIV)

When life gets overwhelming, I like to use my “Room Full of Boxes” analogy. I came up with this analogy during a particularly difficult move. I got all of my things moved into my new home and unpacked the essentials, then left most of my stuff in boxes in the spare room and closed the door. Every time I opened the door and saw all the boxes, I felt overwhelmed. For months, my response was to close the door and pretend the room did not exist.

Finally, one day, I summoned my courage, breathed a prayer, opened the door and pulled out one box. After that, one box at a time, I finished unpacking.

Life is a room full of boxes. At any given time, I have boxes to unpack. They may be work boxes, family boxes, financial boxes, relationship boxes... When I get stressed and feel like I’m in a situation where several decisions need to be made at once, I want to close the door. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know where to start, I don’t want to do it, so I’ll just ignore it.

The problem is that closing the door to the room full of boxes doesn’t make the boxes go away. Neither does ignoring or delaying addressing issues that present themselves in my life. The more I resist, the harder it becomes, the more overwhelmed I feel.

It can be crippling.

So how do I combat the room full of boxes? The first thing I do is acknowledge it. Acknowledging the situation(s) making me feel overwhelmed takes away some their power. The second thing I do, when I stop being stubborn and willful, is to give it to God. “God, I feel overwhelmed. Here is my situation. I feel a little lost and like I don’t know where to start. Please calm my soul and show me the way.” Then I open the door and ask God to help me see one box at a time.

It is freeing.

“Do you not know or have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” (Isaiah 40:28-29; NAB/NLT)

If you find you are battling a room full of boxes today, feeling overwhelmed, lost and like you don’t know where to start, invite God to the doorway. As you stand together in front of the closed door, tell God about the room. Tell him about the boxes and what’s in them, then tell him about your heart and where your mind is. Take a few moments of quiet to feel him as he smiles at you and places his hands on you, reassuring you. Then, with his loving care surrounding you, take a deep breath, open the door, and reach for the first box.

My prayer today is that I invite God to my room full of boxes, trusting that he alone can show me where to start, trusting that he can help me unpack my boxes, trusting that he can give me strength to finish unpacking. God you are good and the source of all things good. I give my room full of boxes and my weary, burdened heart to you. Thank you for your endless mercy and grace, and your patience with me when I choose to be stubborn in following your lead.

Amen! =D

Come With Me

 “Jesus said, “Come with me.” They didn’t ask questions. They dropped their nets and followed.” (Mark 1:16-18; MSG, para.)

Is there anyone of whom you can think who, if they walked up to you today, would produce the same response from you that Jesus got from the first disciples? Can you think of anyone, famous, local or otherwise, who could compel you to drop everything and follow if only he/she asked?

Depending on which Gospel one reads, the story of the first disciples varies a little. Matthew and Mark both are brief: Jesus sees the men fishing, calls to them; immediately, they follow without question. Luke expands on it, showing Jesus teaching already, and being seen & known around town. He comes upon the fisherman and teaches while they are near, then performs a miracle before calling them to follow him.¹ John’s Gospel highlights John the Baptist declaring Jesus is the Lamb of God, and it’s his disciples who first follow Jesus after hearing the proclamation.²

What was it about this man that made some people so willing to give up everything and follow him? Was it the authority of his teachings? ³ Was it his living by example?  Was it the miracles, the healings, the fact that he hung around the lowly? Certainly, his healing power and the miracles were the reason a large number of people followed him, but for those closest to Jesus, the disciples, what drove them to stick to Jesus like glue?

I have the benefit today of having Jesus’ life and teachings, as well as teachings and letters from the first Christian churches, to guide and aid me in my Christian walk. Yet I have the comforts of a privileged human existence: roof over my head, food to eat, bed to sleep in, job, phone, computer, friends, family, cats... I experience Jesus from the pages of a book, miracles occurring without sight of him, and promptings of the Holy Spirit. I experience Jesus in the love and kindness of others, the grace and forgiveness of those I’ve wronged, the guidance and care of spiritual leaders.

One might say I’m well-prepared and have good knowledge of who Jesus is. But I have to ask myself: If I was out walking on the beach and Jesus came up beside me, saying, “Come with me,” would I go? Or would I be like those who said, “Okay, but first I have to get my affairs in order,” rather than follow him immediately?⁴ I don’t know the answer to those questions. I like to think I would simply say, “Okay!” but I know my human heart may have misgivings about giving up everything I know about living and everything I have in my life.

Yet it could be that being in the mere presence of the Glory of God in human form would remove all doubt, worry and fear, freeing me simply to say yes to God.

My prayer today is that in those moments when I feel Jesus calling, I do my best to follow. It may not always look like I want it to, sound like I want it to, or be what I want it to – certainly at times it may seem foolish and crazy to people around me – but may I do my best to follow. Jesus, today and all days I am graced with this human life, may I do my best to follow you with all my heart, mind and soul.

Amen! =D

¹ See Luke 5:1-11. Also this entry: May I Interrupt?

² John 1:29-51

³ Matthew 7:29; Mark 1:22

⁴ Matthew 8:18-22; Luke 9:57-62

Taxes vs. Death

 “Then Jesus said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” (Mark 12:17; NIV)

I started my tax return today. Knowing that I’m not likely to win the lottery to solve financial issues, I jumped into my taxes in hopes of a refund. I was confident that this would be a way God would provide. As I clicked the last button, I felt sick to see that my state return was cancelled out by what I owed to federal.

Generally, I try not to talk dirty or mean about people. I may slip, but I really do try. Except when it comes to the IRS. Especially as it relates to taxes. The words I’ve used to describe how I experience them are profane, but best express how violated I feel time and again by taxes. And I feel like I have no power over them.

After indulging in willful disobedience and consoling myself with food that definitely does not fall under my Lenten dietary commitment, I sat down to write so I didn’t miss the bar on both commitments today. Instantly the story about giving to Caesar popped into my head.

As I prayed and pondered, then picked up and read the verse in its entirety, it hit me square in the face. “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” Giving to Caesar is easy. The government tells me I have to pay them money, so I pay it or suffer penalties. Giving to God? Well, I write a lot about how much I take back from God. I’m a thief and re-gifter to God: “Here, take this. No, I want it back. Here it is again. Can I see that for a minute? Please, I don’t want this; take it.”

I also had to look at what I don’t give to God that is God’s. Time, talents, spiritual gifts. I wrote recently that I don’t want to be that girl hiding her light under a bucket,¹ yet I’m standing face to face with a line of buckets under which I hide.

Lent provides me great opportunity to learn about myself and about my God-given work. I know I’m giving to Caesar what is his, but am I giving to God what is God’s? What am I holding back? Why? Honestly, I feel excited to explore this although I know it means hard work ahead.

Right now I’m making a commitment that will require great effort on my part: No more dirty talk about the tax man. God will provide for all my needs so long as I trust him to do so. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again. And as I step into what may be part of that provision, just maybe I will start removing some buckets.

Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s; give to Me what is Mine; trust me to take care of the rest. Look at the birds and the flowers of the field, carefree in my care. How much more do I care for you! You will find all your everyday human concerns will be met.²

My prayer today is for the strength and courage to come out from under my buckets and step in willingness and obedience into the wide-open, wonderful God-life designed specifically for me. May you also find the way out from under your buckets.

Amen! =D

¹ Am I Consistent? See also Matthew 5:14-16

² Mark 12:13-17; Matthew 22:15-22; Matthew 6:25-34/Luke 12:22-34

Stay With It.

 “Stay with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” (Matthew 24:13; Mark 13:13; Luke 21:19; MSG)

Ever been in a place where you wonder if it’s all worth it? Feel like staying in bed or going far away from everything are better options than continuing in your day to day life?

I know that place. I know those feelings.

As a survivor of a severe chronic depression that plagued me for twenty years, I am all too familiar with feeling like life simply isn’t worth it. In ways both active and passive, I sought to end my life on many occasions. The most familiar feeling for me was that of being trapped; somewhere inside I knew I didn’t really want to die, but I knew I really didn’t want to go on living.

It was a very dark, lonely and hopeless world. By the end I looked for any way to escape my pain I could find, which only exacerbated and worsened my fear and hopelessness. I couldn’t understand why God, who I knew loved me, would allow me to hurt so badly for so long.

The thing is, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust him to heal me. I didn’t think I was worth it. Even when I cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t really think he would. No matter how often I went to church, no matter how much scripture I read, no matter how many prayers I prayed, I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

Fear is such a manipulative beast. When fear grips me, I can become paralyzed and forget the strength I have in my Great Creator. I can forget that though I am less than a grain of sand in the infinite Glory of God, he cares about me personally. He loves me and wants to help me and asks only that I turn, face him, open my heart and trust him.

Within our small human frame of reference, it is easy to ascribe human attributes to God. This makes it difficult to see how a being can truly love freely and unconditionally, and be always forgiving, gracious and merciful. This also makes it easy to compare God to people in our lives, including people who let us down, break promises, hurt us and cause us pain. Thank God, God is not human.

God is so much bigger. He’s so much bigger than all our worry, all our doubt – and all our fear.

God. Is. Bigger.

Pick up the Good Book and flip through the Gospels a little bit. You’re sure to run across at least one of many verses which find Jesus saying, “Courage, do not be afraid.”¹ Time and time again he reassures those who tremble in fear, those who do not feel worthy, the outcast, downcast and downtrodden. Time and time again, he lifts them up and encourages them.

He wants to do that for you and me, too. Take a deep breath and allow yourself for a moment to be transported back to the time when Jesus walked the earth. He walks through your town amidst a throng of admirers as you watch from the sidelines. In the one brief moment that your desperation to be free from your pain finally is greater than any fear, you find yourself suddenly in the throng, pushing past people, bending down and fighting through the crowd to get to Jesus. “If only I can get near him,” you think, “I can be healed.” You come up behind him and boldly reach for him, brushing his clothes. Instantly you feel different, you feel changed. As he turns toward you, you prepare to be humiliated in front of the crowd for wanting to get so close to Jesus. Instead, it grows quiet. You look up into his eyes and he smiles the kindest smile you’ve ever seen. He touches your chin and gently raises you up. “You took a risk and trusted me. Now you are healed and whole. Live well, live blessed.”²

Stay with it. Stay with it to the end. It’s worth it, trust me. There is hope and there is light. I find mine in the Sweet Soul I follow with all my heart, my Jesus, who calls me beloved and friend. I find mine in God who is bigger than anything and everything, who made all things seen and unseen. I find mine in a faith that finally allows me to trust, even when life gets hard here on this earth.

My prayer today is for those of you who struggle with darkness, hopelessness and despair. May you find peace and comfort and freedom from your fear. May you live well and live blessed, and find yourselves healed and whole.

Amen.

¹ Matthew 10:26, 28, 31; 14:27; 17:7; 28:5, 10

Mark 5:36; 6:50

Luke 5:10; 8:50; 12:4, 7, 32;

John 6:20 12:15; 14:27

I’ve only listed some Gospel verses here (likely not comprehensive, so go flip through the book to find more!), but many, many more verses of God reassuring us and telling us not to fear, to have courage because he is with us pepper the whole Bible throughout, Old Testament and New. :)

² Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48; Matthew 9:20-22

May I Interrupt?

“Simon Peter, when he saw it, fell to his knees before Jesus. “Master, leave. I’m a sinner and can’t handle this holiness. Leave me to myself.” (Luke 5:8; MSG)

Shortly before this moment, Jesus, in an effort to better teach the eager crowd closing in on him, interrupted Simon in his work and had him put his boat back out in the water. I would like to be able to read of this interaction and the time in-between, but maybe it is better to imagine it...

Simon, James and John spend a long, tiring night out on the lake only to come back empty-handed. They beach their boats and begin the thankless task of washing their large nets. Perhaps they think about how many nights there were like this, how they will provide for their families, when they will finally haul in a good catch. Who knows if they even notice or pay attention to Jesus and his growing crowd?

Then Jesus just climbs right into Simon’s boat. Totally hops in uninvited and then has the nerve to ask Simon to get in, too, and put the boat back out in the water. Simon recognizes Jesus as the man who recently healed his mother-in-law (Luke 4:38-39). Feeling a bit obligated, he complies with Jesus’s request, then sits nearby in the boat while Jesus teaches the masses gathered on the shore.

I can’t help but imagine Simon spent that time in the boat much like many of us do in the pew on Sunday. He catches bits and pieces of what Jesus says, but he is distracted. His mind is on the long night and lack of fish. He thinks about the net he has yet to wash. He knows better than to expect James and John will do it for him since he’s stuck out here with this Jesus character. Simon’s attention is feeble at best as he checks off his mental to-do list and tries to prepare for the coming day.

As Jesus wraps up his sermon, Simon yawns. Jesus turns to him and says, “Push out into deep water and let your nets out for a catch.” (Luke 5:4) Simon thinks, “Is he kidding? Seriously? I didn’t catch anything all night and I already have one net waiting for me to wash on the shore and now he wants me to take the boat out again and toss my clean nets out?” He summons all his courage and patience as he again remembers that Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Half-protesting, half-obedient, Simon does as Jesus asks, sure to point out the clear folly in his request as he threw the nets out. Immediately, the nets fill with fish. So many fish that James and John have to bring their boat out to help haul in the catch.

How often do I find myself in this situation? I’m tired, I’m frustrated, nothing’s going my way, I’m worried about bills, I don’t have enough time, and then – God interrupts. Absolutely no consideration for what I think or feel about it, he tells me to put the boat in the water. Then he talks for awhile and I sit in the boat, yawning and half-heartedly listening as I think about things I need to get done. Then God nudges me and says, “Go deeper.” Somewhat reluctantly, I go. And suddenly I find myself in that place of God’s Abundance, that Romans 5:1-2 promise of the Peace and Grace that come side-by-side with stepping out in faith.

I often feel like Simon Peter, falling to my knees and saying, “I do not deserve this.” Because I know, as Simon knew, that I could’ve done better, listened closer, tried harder, been more willing, etc, etc. The thing is, I never could be “good enough” for God’s Grace. I never could do or say enough to earn his Love. Which is why I am thankful that God’s Grace is freely given. There isn’t a thing I have to do to earn his Love – it is already mine without condition. And no matter how many times I fall, he will pick me up, dust me off and kiss me on the forehead as he says, “I forgive you.” Every time.

So how does Jesus reply when Simon falls to his knees and confesses his feelings of unworthiness?

“Jesus said to Simon, “There is nothing to fear.” (Luke 5:10b)

There is nothing to fear.

With that, Jesus tells Simon, James and John that they will be fishers of men. The three new disciples leave everything – everything – behind and follow Jesus. Because it never really was about the fish, was it?

My prayer today is that I work harder to stay focused on that which God reveals to me. It is so easy to be distracted by the things of this world and my daily life. I pray that I may strengthen my ears to therefore be quicker in perking them up when I hear the voice of my God speaking to me.

Amen!

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

“I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal. When friends said, “Everything will turn out all right,” I didn’t believe a word they said.” Psalm 77:2; MSG

Currently I am going through a training course geared toward providing pastoral care in a hospital setting. The course is rooted in the principles of Christian love and Christian care giving. Since it is taught in a hospital that is not faith-based we are challenged to move outside the “Jesus is the answer” box and provide Christian care without invoking the name of Christ out of respect for those whose faith journey follows a different path. This is hard for some, as all of us in the class have testimony to how being a believer has made all the difference in how we cope with and handle the presence of suffering in our lives. It proved an especially challenging exercise given the question we faced in our most recent class: "Why does God allow bad things to happen?"

We were given the week between classes to ponder the question and prepare for discussion. My thoughts on it ranged from answers found in my Christian faith to principles and ideas from Eastern religions, different philosophical musings and the plain ol’, “It is what it is,” ideology. I also asked a lot of people around me to hear their thoughts on the subject. In AA meetings that week I listened a little harder when people shared how they moved through trials and what their varied spiritual experiences were and are.

For the duration of class we carried on a very involved discussion. We covered every range of answers and lack thereof, we explored rebuttals, some shared stories, many shed tears, some struggled with how not to try to lead someone to Jesus or give "cheap grace." One gentleman especially struggled tonight because this coming Saturday is the one-year anniversary of his beloved wife's death. His faith was evident though, as through his tears he continued to give thanks and praise to God and shared how God moved through his wife's illness and death and the growth he experienced as a result. After class he was visibly having a hard time holding it together, so I walked over to give him a hug and he burst into sobs, lifting me off the floor as I hugged him tightly and he cried. I just held onto him for a little bit, then when I sensed his breathing slow, I told him I loved him, gave him an extra squeeze and walked away.

Ultimately, that is what I walked away with from the discussion. I'd gone in having concluded that I have plenty of answers to that question that can be tailored to all different kinds of people, but none is ever sufficient. In those crisis moments, those Psalm 77:1-10 moments, there isn’t really anything anyone can do or say to sufficiently explain suffering in a way that will bring comfort. However, I was unable to resolve that conclusion, thinking, okay, so then what? The lightbulb moment came in listening to everyone, to how much we want to fix people and show them the way, to the reminders from the chaplain that we are in the process, not the results, understanding it's okay not to have all the answers – perhaps the best answer is no answer at all, but a demonstration of Love through the simple act of having the Grace to allow people to be where they are, listening, genuinely caring and unconditionally loving. I believe, as experienced with my classmates and aware of it in myself, that sometimes we get so focused on how we can be of use and what that looks like that we forget to stay in the moment and instead block the incoming flow from the Spirit because we are trying to think our way to the best way rather than just letting God have his way.

I pray today that I may better learn how to let the Holy Spirit move through me, especially in opportunities to allow people to be where they are. May I be an instrument of God not only in my speaking, but even more so in my listening.

Amen!

I’ll Build on the Solid Stuff, Thanks.

I would like to thank a friend who recently started blogging for reminding me how I’ve neglected mine. This weekend while I’m taking time to re-balance my center and quiet the devil trying to knock me off of it, I thought this a good time to revisit my reflections & devotional writing.

“These words I speak to you are not mere additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundation words, words to build a life on.” (Luke 6:47; MSG)

It used to be when I fell out of contact with people that I was isolating myself. Whether I was too depressed, too caught up in one addiction or another, or both, generally I isolated because I believed the lies I told myself that I was nothing more than a waste of space and no one really cared anyway. Often, my tipping point came as a direct result of misplaced focus: putting too much of myself into something that was not guaranteed. It didn’t matter if it was person, place or thing; all were capable of producing the same results. When faced with the disappointment that ultimately comes from such misplaced focus, my response was to play the role of both victim and perpetrator and drive myself deeper into the darkness for awhile.

The problem is that I was building my life on sand.

My Midwestern family often vacationed in cities along the Florida coast. Being landlocked the rest of the year, the beach was one of our favorite things about vacation. Even as a small child who saw the ocean once a year, I quickly figured out that my sand creations would be destroyed by waves if I built them too close to the water. I also remember getting frustrated because the sand was hard to pack firm and often fell in on itself. And should a rogue foot come into contact with it, my masterpiece would quickly and easily crumble.

In my life, however, it took quite a bit longer to figure out the parallel.

I’ve worked hard to improve and strengthen my faith and my relationship with God as well as my life. It makes me happy that, though I might not recall which specific scriptures they are, stuff I’ve read in the Good Book is what comes to mind often as I go throughout my days. For awhile I prayed that praying would come easier to me; now I find I pray almost all the time. My focus is God. I’ve made God my foundation and I’m building my life on his Truth. It’s a much better life, a sturdier life. God is my rock, my root, my guaranteed thing.

God doesn’t let me down, God doesn’t disappoint. If I feel like he has, it probably means I didn’t get something I wanted, or the way I thought I wanted it. When God is my focus, I can take life as it is, not as I think I’d like it to be. With all my trust in God, the people, places and things around me can’t knock me down so easily. With my foundation on God’s solid rock, the devil can kick me as much as he wants, but he will walk away bruised.

So when I feel more susceptible to attack, it’s time to check my focus. If my peace is disturbed around certain people or by what I know to be false perceptions, it’s time to check my focus. If I’m spending more time thinking about peripheral things than meditating on God’s Word and will for my life... it’s time to check my focus. What am I looking at here – God or something else?

The best way to know is to crack the Good Book and see if I’m immersed in the light and living in truth on God’s firm foundation, or if I’ve allowed myself to build on some sand.

“These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit – but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.” (Matt. 7:24-27; MSG)

God, I pray that I continue to build my life upon you, that I may be unshakable, fixed to your truth. When the enemy strikes, help me to stand firm as I yell the battle cry, “I will not be moved!”

Amen. :D

Kindness is Catching, You Know

2 Timothy 2:20-26

“Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing.” (2 Tim. 2:21; MSG)

I refuse not to believe in the basic good of all people.

What it comes down to is that we all have pasts. We’ve all been hurt, mistreated, abused, used, abandoned, praised, loved, hated, worshiped, forgotten, lied to… Everything everyone says or does is directly influenced by what happened to her and how she has or has not dealt with it.

This in no way excuses poor behavior, it merely explains it.

But at the core, at the seed of our being, we are all good people. God created each one of us, after all. Yet while God is so Amazing and Wonderful and Good, the world we created with our free will is often harsh and cynical and terrifying.

Society – at least in the corner of the world with which I am familiar – is far more slanted toward the negative than the positive, and more toward the individual than the group. Social implications teach us to tear others down to make ourselves look or feel better rather than build each other up. Tabloids and gossip shows exploit the famous, highlighting their faults and failures. Reality shows are often edited to show people at their worst, treating each other poorly and creating unnecessary drama. We find this entertaining, I think, because seeing what’s wrong with others’ lives makes us feel better about our own. Bad day at work? Boss was mean? Go home, kick back to reality TV and feel better by watching the petty drama. Or turn on the news and feel better about the blah of life because at least we aren’t in Syria, our kids haven’t been kidnapped, or our house didn’t catch fire.

Imagine what would happen if all that was taken away. Imagine if we focused on the good things and didn’t glorify negative news. Imagine what the world would be like if we really did just love each other.

These days, as I continue growing in my spirit-filled life, I work hard to stay positive, to encourage others, to give compliments, perform random acts of kindness, go out of my way to be nice to others – even if they aren’t nice to me. It does not take long to see the impact this has on the people around me. And I’m just one person!

Robin Sharma, an inspirational author, once said, “Leave each person better than you found them.” I was taught growing up to leave a place better than I found it. (Babysitting? Clean up a little bit, even if they didn’t ask.) I love, love, love the idea of applying that to people and I am implementing it into my behavior. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a coworker, family member, or clerk at the grocery store. Smile, be polite, engage. Doing that we just might make someone’s day.

I remember an email chain going around once that was the story of two boys, one of which was severely bullied. One day, the second boy went out of his way to be kind to the first, walking home with him and talking to him about the day. Years later, the bullied boy told the second boy that he had planned on killing himself that night until the second boy was nice to him. That one act of kindness gave him enough hope to carry on. We may never know what chain reaction our kindness has, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it can have incredible power! A kind word, a smile, a nice gesture…  Who knows what it could do for someone?!

So how does this relate to my refusing not to believe in the basic good of all people? In my interactions with others, it is that Good Seed God planted toward which I speak and act. If someone is rude toward me, I don’t talk to the rudeness. I reach out to the Good Seed. If someone offers harsh criticism, after he walks away I pray over his day and whatever may be going on in his life (Matt 5:44).

Now, it is important to bear in mind that this is a Christ-like attribute toward which to strive. It is an aspect of a spirit-filled life, a God-gift. We must, must, must always remember that we are human, we are not perfect, and we will not be able to keep this up 100% of the time. There is stuff going on in our lives, too. Just yesterday I allowed tired frustration to color my interaction with a pharmacy associate. She was only kind to me, but I was tired after a long day of work, irritated that they didn’t have what I wanted, beyond ready to go home, and therefore not as pleasant as I could’ve been. Even Jesus couldn’t keep it up 100% of the time (“Jesus was irate and let them know it…” see Mark 10:14), and if HE couldn’t do it, WE certainly can’t expect to. The key is to keep that in mind, to heighten our awareness of our attitudes toward others, to recognize and acknowledge when we fall short, and to pray about it, asking for forgiveness and the strength to do better the next time.

My prayer tonight is that I continue to work toward kindness, to seek out the Good Seed in everyone I meet, and that I can create sparks and light matches that help spread the Holy Fire of God’s Grace and Love.

Amen!  :D

Don’t Doubt, Just Do

“Whenever someone has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely.” (Matthew 13:12; MSG)

By far, one of the more difficult things for me to trust in this faith life is whether a message/thought/idea comes from God. In the past I lived in my own world in my head coming up with grand ideas and creating situations and relationships that often were not real. And when I would venture to pursue something I thought I’d perceived, I’d end up getting hurt or looking like a fool. Back then, if you gave me a crumb, I’d turn it into an entire shop full of baked goods.

I understand a lot of it was escapism. The world in my head provided a break from what I knew as a dark reality. In my head people liked me, I had friends, love was possible. In the world people bullied me, betrayed me, cheated on me. In my head I could be happy. In the world I saw no way out of my pain.

In this faith life my reality is very different. I am very different. When I find myself trying to escape into my head these days it is usually because I am avoiding a task God has given me that I do not want to do. And it is consistently fear-based.

The rational part of me knows that, with God, I have nothing to fear. But I am human. In my avoidance of his request, I begin to doubt, and I question whether or not it came from him or if I’ve made it up in my head. In my heart, I usually know the answer. But there were a few times I escaped into my head launching off the very thing God gave me to do and therefore completely and totally convoluted the whole matter.  The last time it happened I had myself worked into such a frenzy that I teetered on that old edge of self-destruction, nearly ruining a lot of good things I’ve got going in my life.

All because I couldn’t trust God because I didn’t want to accept something he put in my path.

My resistance, not the thing’s existence, was the source of my turmoil.

So now I find myself rolling down a similar, yet far less devastating snowy hill as I hem and haw over what he asked me to do. Because I’m worried about me. I got far enough into my head about it that I began to question my motives and if this really is a task from God. Yet I know, and I knew the moment he said it, that it came from him. Imagine how much time I’d save and trouble I’d miss if I followed through in the beginning! The fruit I daily see in doing just that is amazing...

So why do I still fight?

I’m human. This faith life is still pretty new to me. This trusting God, receiving his messages and honestly striving to live in his will thing is still pretty new. When I stopped and earnestly prayed about this situation, an answer came. Still, I doubted. So I opened the bible and God handed me Matthew 13:10-17.

As always, if I am listening, he speaks.

“But you have God-blessed eyes – eyes that see! And God-blessed ears – ears that hear!” (Matthew 13:16; MSG)

My prayer tonight is that I will seek to take this action the moment I feel any doubt or fear about something God has placed on my heart. Pray. Pick up the bible. Pray some more. Do.

Amen!  :D