Radical Change

“God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.”  (Romans 2:4; MSG)

Yesterday, as I was preparing to write, my hand made a double-click which led down a rabbit hole and a few clicks later opened a Pandora’s Box of my past. Buried in folders within folders I came across an old journal of mine. I randomly clicked to a page, then found it difficult to pull away as I read through the rest, seeing old details of my life unfold. Wounds, pain and evidence of the mess I was each is spewed across the pages. It is raw and it was very real for me.

Reading something like that a few years ago would’ve sent me into a downward spiral. Coming face to face with such sadness and struggle, I would’ve gone into “I give up” mode because it would’ve shown me I hadn’t changed and therefore couldn’t change.

But that was before I found the courage to step into total surrender and willingness, throw my hands up and let it all go.

Whenever I tried to ‘fix’ my life by my own plans, I failed. The moment I truly gave it all to God, I found that success was possible. Now, this didn’t mean I didn’t have to do any work. Stepping out in faith and saying, “Okay, God, here it is. Your will, not mine,” does not mean stepping back and waiting for something to happen or waiting for something to change. Saying yes to God means signing up for radical life change – and I certainly play a role in making that change.

Working in surrender and trust yields results. I know I am moving under God’s direction when I receive affirmation and feel the effects of positive change. When I struggle, it might be a good time to stop and check in because chances are I’ve started trying to do things my way again.

Radical life change. It’s a scary thought. It means doing things sometimes which might make others think I’m crazy. It means putting God above all else, which might call for difficult sacrifices. It means possibly not being understood by peers and facing lonely days which require I cling desperately to faith.

Radical life change. It’s turning everything in my world topsy-turvy and buckling in for the ride ahead.

Jesus didn’t come just to forgive us our sins; he came to show us a new way of life, a free life, a fruitful life, a life of love. By his example we are to live our lives – and that’s pretty radical.

My prayer today is that I see where I’ve shied away from some radical changes and let go of my will and also to bask in gratitude for the radical changes God already effected in me.

Amen! =D

Beautiful Things

“This is what God says, “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.” (Isaiah 43:16A, 18; MSG)

Lent corresponds with spring in such divine design. The shells of the dead of winter begin to fall away, and where there was a lack of life, life begins anew. Although this inconsistent winter is confusing even for the plants, which keep trying to bloom before the cold is truly gone, seeing those blooms reminds me that the bleakness of winter is almost behind us. During this season of self-examination I have the opportunity to shed things of the past and reach forward for the new life God works in me.

I am blessed to be a part of the praise and worship team at my church. We have a lot of favorite & familiar songs we love to play, but every now and then one of us will bring in something new to try. Last night I brought Gungor’s “Beautiful Things”¹ to the group. It is a simple, sweet song with a powerful and meaningful message. The moment I first heard the song it touched my heart. The opening lines speak to my core: “All this pain / I wonder if I'll ever find my way / I wonder if my life could really change at all...” The gist of the song is about the possibility of new life, that God makes things new, that he makes beautiful things out of us – his beloved children.

I wrote recently about God not choosing the most well-to-do or put together people to carry his message.² Generally, it seems God rather likes messes. The stories and major players throughout the Bible can be inspiration, reassurance or hope for us all in that we do not have to be slave to our human condition if we only turn to God. It’s as though he says, “Wait and see. Just look what I can do with YOU.”

He makes beautiful things out of us.

No matter how broken, how rebellious, how messy, he can make us beautiful. No matter how far we’ve fallen, how far away we’ve run, how many mistakes we’ve made, he can make us beautiful. No matter how dark, how lonely, how hopeless… He can make us beautiful.

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:1-3; NIV)

“God, you are our Father.  We’re the clay and you’re our potter:  All of us are what you made us. Show us the way [you] work so we can live the way we’re made.” (Isaiah 64:4; 1:3; MSG)

My prayer today is that we let God, the great and masterful artist, work his beauty into us. May we allow him to form and shape us into his perfect image, into a design specific to each and every one of us, his beloved children. And then, may he grant us strength and courage to live the way we’re made!

Amen! =D

¹  Gungor’s “Beautiful Things” music video

² Dim Bulbs

Dim Bulbs

 “Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses?” (1 Corinthians 1:26-28; MSG, para.)

Sometimes I need to sit and remember where I was and who I was when I stepped across the line into this God-obedient life. At my core, I’ve always been me; this person who lives my life now always has been in there. It’s just that it was buried under layers of depression, persecution, addiction. And as I still struggle with being human – selfishness, insecurities, distraction, rebellion – there are moments I wonder if I’m really cut out for being a messenger in this God-life.

But God uses the dim bulbs to show how bright his light can shine.

How powerful the story of a person so beaten down who rises up in hope and light and goodness once he surrenders to God! How powerful the miracle of one who was so very lost and living in darkness who finds healing in Jesus and is forever changed! Flipping through the Gospels, the pages are littered with exactly these stories. The blind, the lame, the lepers, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the dregs of society – these were the people to whom Jesus was the closest.

Going back through the Old Testament, the story isn’t much different. Time and again, God chose the weak and insecure to do his greatest works. Jacob was a liar, Moses was a murder and fugitive who couldn’t speak well, Gideon was insecure, David was an adulterer¹... The list goes on.

God doesn’t choose the squeaky-clean to carry his strongest messages.

Holding myself to high standards, it’s easy to feel like a screw-up and a failure. What I forget in my humanity is that God finds strength in my weakness. If I am strong on my own, what need have I of God? I was broken that I could be mended, wounded that I could be healed and mired in darkness that I might come forth as a bearer of light. 

“But he said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size – abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10; NIV/MSG)

My prayer today is that when I feel weak I remember that in my weakness, God shows his strength. May I remember that the core of my message lies in the miracle of healing by Jesus, who brought me forth from darkness into light, pulled me from the depths, resurrected me from the dead.

Amen! =D

¹ Genesis 27; Exodus 2:11-15; 4:10-12; Judges 6:15; 2 Samuel 11:2-5

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

“I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal. When friends said, “Everything will turn out all right,” I didn’t believe a word they said.” Psalm 77:2; MSG

Currently I am going through a training course geared toward providing pastoral care in a hospital setting. The course is rooted in the principles of Christian love and Christian care giving. Since it is taught in a hospital that is not faith-based we are challenged to move outside the “Jesus is the answer” box and provide Christian care without invoking the name of Christ out of respect for those whose faith journey follows a different path. This is hard for some, as all of us in the class have testimony to how being a believer has made all the difference in how we cope with and handle the presence of suffering in our lives. It proved an especially challenging exercise given the question we faced in our most recent class: "Why does God allow bad things to happen?"

We were given the week between classes to ponder the question and prepare for discussion. My thoughts on it ranged from answers found in my Christian faith to principles and ideas from Eastern religions, different philosophical musings and the plain ol’, “It is what it is,” ideology. I also asked a lot of people around me to hear their thoughts on the subject. In AA meetings that week I listened a little harder when people shared how they moved through trials and what their varied spiritual experiences were and are.

For the duration of class we carried on a very involved discussion. We covered every range of answers and lack thereof, we explored rebuttals, some shared stories, many shed tears, some struggled with how not to try to lead someone to Jesus or give "cheap grace." One gentleman especially struggled tonight because this coming Saturday is the one-year anniversary of his beloved wife's death. His faith was evident though, as through his tears he continued to give thanks and praise to God and shared how God moved through his wife's illness and death and the growth he experienced as a result. After class he was visibly having a hard time holding it together, so I walked over to give him a hug and he burst into sobs, lifting me off the floor as I hugged him tightly and he cried. I just held onto him for a little bit, then when I sensed his breathing slow, I told him I loved him, gave him an extra squeeze and walked away.

Ultimately, that is what I walked away with from the discussion. I'd gone in having concluded that I have plenty of answers to that question that can be tailored to all different kinds of people, but none is ever sufficient. In those crisis moments, those Psalm 77:1-10 moments, there isn’t really anything anyone can do or say to sufficiently explain suffering in a way that will bring comfort. However, I was unable to resolve that conclusion, thinking, okay, so then what? The lightbulb moment came in listening to everyone, to how much we want to fix people and show them the way, to the reminders from the chaplain that we are in the process, not the results, understanding it's okay not to have all the answers – perhaps the best answer is no answer at all, but a demonstration of Love through the simple act of having the Grace to allow people to be where they are, listening, genuinely caring and unconditionally loving. I believe, as experienced with my classmates and aware of it in myself, that sometimes we get so focused on how we can be of use and what that looks like that we forget to stay in the moment and instead block the incoming flow from the Spirit because we are trying to think our way to the best way rather than just letting God have his way.

I pray today that I may better learn how to let the Holy Spirit move through me, especially in opportunities to allow people to be where they are. May I be an instrument of God not only in my speaking, but even more so in my listening.

Amen!

I Heart Hugs From Jesus

“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13; MSG)

As small children, when we fall and scrape a knee or the neighborhood bully teases us, we run to our caretaker. For many, this means mom or dad. For some it may be a grandparent or an older sibling. (Others are not so fortunate to have that someone at all.) We run crying into the outstretched arms of our person, and she hugs us, wipes away our tears, uses her shirt to clean the snot from our faces, and reassures us that everything will be all right. Over time, as we grow, this relationship may change form, but if we are lucky, we can still run into the outstretched arms of someone who loves us dearly.

There were a lot of times in my life when I was really hurting, but didn’t run into anyone’s arms. I was too afraid of being a burden, of worrying someone too much, of bogging someone down with a problem with which I knew no one could help me. The loneliness I caused myself with this thinking was nothing short of stifling. Maybe no one could fix my problem, but I wouldn’t even let anyone be there for me, just to love, support and maybe comfort me.

I know it was a trust issue. I didn’t trust anyone enough to do the right thing. I’d been burned far too many times by most, and when it came to my mom, I didn’t want her to have any more reason to worry about me than she already did. I didn’t trust her ability to handle me sharing my hurt with her.

Is it any wonder that this lack of trust extended to God?

Though I so often fervently and desperately cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t trust him to do it. I did not let go and trust he would catch me. I did not run into his arms. I did not allow him to hold me or to comfort me. I complained, I shouted and screamed at times, asked the persistent question of “WHY?” without really listening for the answer, or if I heard it, deciding it wasn’t the answer I wanted.

There is a song, The More I Seek You, that is beautiful in its simplicity and imagery of a very real and tangible Jesus. A few months ago at a church women’s retreat, we sang this song several times, and it was then that I realized why it touched me so much.

God is not always presented as a personal, tangible God – which he very much is. And in this chapter of my journey with him, I find that I fall more and more in love with him as he becomes more personal to me. I can close my eyes and see myself running into the arms of my Heavenly Papa, who will hold me and love me, comfort me when I am sad, tell me everything will be okay when I worry, and heal me when I am hurting. I can close my eyes and get a big bear hug from Jesus, walk hand in hand with him on the beach, lie on my back in the grass with him beside me, my best friend.

What changed? Well, for one thing, I trust God now. Even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to, I trust him. I also actively seek him. I spend time in the Good Book, spend time in meditation, spend time talking to him, hanging out with him, praising him. And he tells me over and over again, “You are my precious child. You belong to me and I love you so very much. I am always right here by your side, with you everywhere you go.”

And the more I trust him, the more I can trust others in my life, too. It is a slow process. I know they will let me down – we are human, it happens. But I feel safer knowing I’ve got God beside me, there to catch me if I am dropped, there to hold me and dry my tears, there to place his healing hand on my hurting heart.

“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” (Jeremiah 29:13-14; MSG)

My prayer today is that we all can move closer to our God, to know that we absolutely can run into his arms anytime we need or want. His arms are open, outstretched and waiting, and there isn’t a soul he will turn away.

Amen!  :D

Resistance is Futile, Anyway

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

“We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken.”  (MSG, italics mine)

I have been wandering in the wilderness.  There were only a few times I ventured very far from the pasture; mostly I was hanging out near the gate thinking about going in, or walking along the fence, but on the outside.  I kept my communication with God open, but I found myself resisting him.  I acknowledged my resistance, asked for forgiveness, then plopped down by the gate, where I sat for the last month, trying to summon the energy to stand, dust off, then run as fast as I could into the arms of my God.

The last three and a half months have been difficult.  A period of let-downs, loss, shattered hope, death, grief and confusion followed the catalyst event referred to in, Really, God?  Before Christmas there was anger.  After Christmas, I went into maintenance mode.  There was a lot of reaching for God through the final sickness and death of my grandmother, with whom I was very close.  Then came exhaustion and just moving from day to day through life’s busyness. 

Fatigued, I sat down just outside the gate of God’s green pasture.  I said, “I surrender.  Here.  I don’t want it, I trust you to do what needs to be done.  But I’m tired and I need to sit for awhile.”  And in my weakness, he found strength.  I haven’t yet run back into the lushest of the grass, but I am inside the gate.  My peace once again is not fleeting or easily disrupted, and I have amazed myself in this last week at how I have grown, at what God has done with me. 

It astounds me to no end how I can come and go and come and go.  I suppose it is human nature, and if I’ve learned anything from the Old Testament about human nature, it is that we come and go.  The Israelites are an extreme example, but reading through the Psalms and the stories of David, I find someone human to whom I can really relate. 

There are still troubles, but not nearly as many.  I still don’t know what to do, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God knows what to do.  So I’m going to let him do it.  And as we move into this season of Lent, I will strive to reignite the flame that burned so brightly last fall. 

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God...” 2 Cor 4:6 (NIV).

Dear Lord, let Light shine out of the darkness in my life.  Help me to move forward in love with faith and trust, surrendering myself to you and believing that you are working good from this thing I call my life.  Grant me humility during this Lenten season and beyond.  Bring me ever closer to you and hold me in your heart.

Amen.

*In the spirit of no alle...lu’s during Lent, my equivalent happy face after the Amen will be on vacation until Easter.     

Lifted Up

1 Peter 5:10

“The suffering won’t last forever.  It won’t be long before [the God of all grace] this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ – eternal and glorious plans they are! – will have you put together and on your feet for good [will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast].”  (1 Pet. 5:10, MSG [NIV])

I’ve been hanging out in the desert for the past week or so.  I didn’t feel completely disconnected from God, but I knew I wasn’t where he wanted me to be.  He provided for me, then I ran with a couple of things on my own and actually kind of shut him out.  I kept talking to God some, but I wasn’t really listening for any response or direction. 

I’ve written recently about God allowing things to happen in my life for the purpose of teaching me about myself. I also outright prayed for him to break me because I know it can take drastic measures to hammer a point home with me sometimes. 

God was listening.  He watched as I wrote one day about a part of my life I always take back where I needed to learn patience, then watched as less than a week later I had already forgotten and was charging forward on my own. 

The series of events that took place just over this past weekend alone were so perfectly orchestrated to break me in such a precise manner that I was standing on the rim of hell before I lifted my hands high and God picked me up.  In a matter of moments, I went from being a completely and utterly terrified mess to resting in God’s arms, at peace, lighter than I have felt yet.  I could not have looked at the whole situation and seen how many things God was going to use it to heal.  It was impossible to know until it happened just how he was working it all in me. 

I feel God everywhere, but I feel especially connected to him at the beach.  I ended up on an empty beach Sunday evening, which is where this moment of healing took place.  God took me out there, when I had no idea I was even near a beach, and it just so happened to be a beach I have only been to one other time – another time God took me there for healing.

Standing at the water’s edge, I watched the sun set and felt God lift me up as I reached for him.  He restored peace and quiet to my soul, and took yet more things from me that have caused me pain.  I felt a renewed sense of joy, and when I stepped back, I was blown away by how symbolic my footprints in the sand were.  I’ve never had footprints quite like these.  Instead of being imprinted in the sand, they were extruded, almost as evidence of the weight God had lifted from me, evidence that he had lifted me up.

I’m thinking I should hang these footprints up as a reminder.  God’s grace is beyond measure and his mercy never ceases.

Amen!  :D



Because I Said So

Zechariah 10:7

“I know their pain and will make them good as new.  They’ll get a fresh start, as if nothing ever happened.  And why?  Because I am their very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for them.”  (MSG)

I used to live in a world of darkness and pain.  It eventually became easier to believe that I was defective in a way that could not be healed than to try method after treatment after long-shot, losing hope with each failed attempt that I would ever find a way out of the dark. 

Plenty of those bleak years I spent yelling at God, cursing God, blaming God.  He created me, he made my life, therefore he was responsible for my pain.  After the first major shift in my universe when I stopped moving away from him and began my journey moving toward him, more often than not my simple plea was a weak, “God, help me, please.”

I had gotten to the point, however, that I didn’t even believe I deserved to be healed.  I had decided that I was being punished, that I somehow deserved my darkness and the aching of my soul.  So I didn’t really believe God would heal me, I just desperately wanted him to ease my pain. 

I rarely considered God’s purpose in all of it.  Toward the end of my depression I was so utterly lost that I couldn’t summon up any kind of purpose for my life and everything I had been through.  I knew God had his reasons and I wanted to trust in his plan, but I was tired.  I was so tired.

Today, as I sit and think about how life was then, I stop, as I often do, and simply say, “God, thank you for my life.” 

He brought me out of the darkness.  When it was time, when I was ready for whatever he had in store for me, he reached into the depths of my soul and not only eased my pain, but healed it.  I was, indeed, made new.  And I returned to my life to find myself in a position to make a fresh start.

God will do what needs to be done for me, but it’s up to me to trust that he has the plans for the architecture of this life.  It is not for me to understand, and while he may grace me with revelations, I must be content in not always knowing why things happen.

A line from a morning prayer I wrote reads: “May I always remember that you have the top of the puzzle box and trust that each piece you place next is chosen at that time for a reason or reasons which may remain unknown to me.”

I don’t ask why very much anymore.  Coming into my new life, that was one of many huge changes.  I no longer sat in the dark and cried, “Why, God?”  But if I look at this verse and follow its, “Why?” then I see the answer plain and simple.

So if I find myself tempted to ask God, “Why?” about something, I pray that I can remember the answer as he said it through Zechariah:

“Because I am [your] very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for [you].”  (Zech 10:7b, MSG)

Trust me.  I’ve got things under control.  --God

Amen!  :D

Who Do You Think Inspired Newton?

Source: www.asc-csa.gc.ca

Romans 11:32

”In one way or another, God makes sure that we all experience what it means to be on the outside so that he can personally open the door and welcome us back in.”  (MSG)

Evil must exist so that I may know Good.  Darkness must exist so that I may know Light.  I must know myself as I Am Not in order to know myself as I Am.  Without one, I cannot know the other.

Newton’s Third Law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  The New Testament is full of warnings that the closer we get to God, the more we shall be persecuted.  In those days, this often referred to the suffering and hatred early Christians endured just because they followed Jesus.  The key thing to remember, though, is that this also applies to the forces of evil which wish to work against us.  The more I move toward God, the more the enemy is going to try to push me back.

It is clearly illustrated in the story of Job that God allows Satan to bring great suffering upon Job.  Over and over, especially after natural disasters or sudden deaths, the question is asked, “Why does God allow bad things to happen?”  At the end of Job’s suffering, God blessed him in ways he couldn’t even imagine.  And in the wake of great disasters we often see an uprising of human good – be it humanitarian aid, people coming from all over to help out at the scene of the catastrophe, or just general human kindness and giving.  Following the death of a loved one, a family often comes together.  All perhaps only for a short time, but still an equal and opposite reaction.

Without one, we cannot know the other. 

There is a reason why I must endure desert times.  If I never wandered away from the fold, I could never know myself as the Wonderfully Made Child of God that I Am.  If I never experience “being on the outside,” I become complacent and gratitude fades.  By allowing me to wander out now and then, God ensures that I never forget how much I have for which to be thankful, how much he has done for me, and how he continues to provide.  He knows that, eventually, I will come to my senses, turn, and come running back to him where he stands by the open pasture gate with his arms open just waiting to embrace me.

The Good News is, the closer I get to God, the stronger I grow in my faith and the more deeply I am ingrained in his word, the shorter my desert times will be.

This morning I stood at the gate, shuffling my hooves and looking at the open expanse before me.  God patted my head and stood by with a smile on his face, making no move to stop me from leaving or shoo me back in.  The gate is always open, I am not forced to stay here.  As I looked up at my Faithful Shepherd, I was filled with gratitude for the things from which he has delivered me.  I “baa’d” a prayer of thanks and ambled back into the pasture, glad to have the desert be just a memory today and not where I am wandering instead. 

Amen!  :D 

Did I Remember to Pack That?

1 Peter 1:18a**

“Your life is a journey you must travel with deep consciousness of God.” (1 Pet. 1:18a MSG)

The messages that I am receiving lately are all very much about developing an awareness of and a deeper relationship with God.  I am coming into the understanding that my life will never feel fulfilled without these things.  It is when I drift away – when I lose consciousness – that, in my disconnect, I find myself in discord, prone to confusion, chaos, discontentment, anxiety and fear.

When life seems to get really difficult is precisely when I should stop what I am doing and devote time to getting back to God.  When God gets out of focus, life gets blurry.  I have to make the time to clean my lens and make the appropriate adjustments so I can see clearly before trying to move forward.  What blows my mind is how long it takes me to do this, even when I know how much better it will make everything. 

No, my problems don’t disappear when I reawaken myself to the presence of God.  What changes is how the world around me affects me.  The reason it is said that God’s peace passes all understanding is because it does.  There is no human understanding of the magnitude of God’s peace.

While over and over it is reinforced that we are Loved and that God’s desire is for our joy and to provide us with all we need, it is also said a number of times that there will be suffering.  (It’s in a lot of places in the bible, but you can also find all of it in John 15.)  To have joy does not mean to be without suffering.  What makes all the difference is how I define suffering and how I let suffering define me.

As with many words, suffering has several variations of a similar definition tied to it.  From Merriam-Webster: Suffer – 1)To submit to or be forced to endure; 2) undergo, experience; 3) to put up with, especially as inevitable or unavoidable; 4) to allow, especially by reason of indifference.

It is such a common thing automatically to think of suffering as a negative, painful and unpleasant thing.  It can just as easily be seen as simply another experience.  God said there will be suffering meaning, life isn’t easy.  Stuff happens. 

But suffering does not cancel out joy, and in developing an awareness of God, cultivating a relationship and being deeply conscious of him I can find joy in my life here on earth regardless of my circumstances.  This is how many of the great masters across several religions and philosophies were able to maintain peaceful lives.  This is at the heart of the Way, the Truth and the Light.  This is where it all begins: Deep Consciousness of God.

Dear Lord, even when times are tough, keep me from losing consciousness.  Help me to fully experience life here by living in you, in your love, with your peace and joy through all the hills and valleys of my journey. 

Amen!  :D

**In The Message, this scripture is at the beginning of verse 18.  In my checking against other versions of the bible, comparable language falls at the end of verse 17.  Ever want to check out other translations of the bible without having to buy them?  BibleGateway.com has 30 different English translations as well as translations in many other languages.

Really, God?

Lamentations 3:19-24

Life can be difficult.  Even the most devout and God-faithful run into times when life just plain stinks.  Regardless of the reason, many of us will have bad moments, bad days, bad weeks, bad years.  The key in all of this, is not to lose sight of God. 

I find myself a bit upset with God today.  Mostly because I was completely caught off guard by something which has left me feeling let down.  One of the things over which I have been praying so hard lately, it seemed as though I was getting an answer, then in one quick moment it was taken away. 

It’s not so much the situation itself as it is the, “Really??  Really??!!” factor.  Where I thought I could find some relief, I now find complication.  Where I thought I could find some rest, I now find trouble. 

So, I let God have it.  I let him know exactly what I think about the whole thing.  I told him in clear, direct, angry language that I’m upset.  And I didn’t use nice words. 

And then I went to my bible.  I searched for a verse under the heading of “discouragement” because I just wasn’t getting anything out of what I’d already read.  Likely because I’m a bit closed off to God today, which isn’t a good place to be.  Eventually, I landed in Lamentations, the name alone being appropriate to my feelings.  I found what I needed to find – a verse that speaks to being upset and let down, but the importance of remembering God’s love and faithfulness.  There is something greater in all of this, I just have to get over it and move on.

“I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.  I remember it all – oh, how well I remember – the feeling of hitting the bottom.  But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope.  God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.  They’re created new every morning.  How great is your faithfulness!  I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).”  Lam. 3:19-24 (MSG, italics mine.)

So I will ask God’s forgiveness for being angry with him and I will spend plenty of time today in prayer about this situation, looking less at how it hurts and more at where I can go from here.  And I will rest assured that tomorrow is a new day, and God has a plan.

Amen!  :D

Heaven Here

Revelation 15b-17

“The One on the Throne will pitch his tent there for them: no more hunger, no more thirst, no more scorching heat.  The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life.  And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.”  (MSG)

Admittedly, I haven’t spent a lot of time with the book of Revelation.  John’s visions sound not unlike strange dreams, the kind from which I wake and feel odd for the rest of the day, whose images stick with me for many years because they are so bizarre.  For me, reading the book of Revelation is like sorting through these dreams, trying to find the pieces that make any sense or mean anything.

Currently, one of my devotionals is going through part of Revelation.  As I wade through the winged animals covered in eyes, the scroll and all it unleashes and the thunder and lightning and fire and doom, I try to pick up on what I can take away from it.  Today I found promises tucked into the chaos. 

Revelation 15b-17 succinctly outlines what it means to have everlasting life in Christ Jesus with God the Father in Heaven.  When I move into life with him, I shall never be in want.  All my needs will be met, and my sorrow will end.

What I believe is often overlooked is that one does not need to wait until life here on this earth is over in order to move into everlasting life.  With complete and total surrender to the Way, the Truth and the Life I will find that, indeed, all of my needs are met and my sorrow has ended.  The hard part is complete and total surrender.

In this world, perception is highly skewed.  And with all the distractions and the lessons I learned growing up in this society, it can be difficult to see with the eyes other than those of my own human nature.  Heaven on earth is possible, but it takes work and retraining of my brain in order to see that it can be here now.

The promise – shelter from the storm, endless provision, unconditional love, and joy.  The more time I spend with God, the more possible it becomes.    

God, I ask that you help me to keep my eyes open and to see the work you are doing in my life.  When my eyes fall and begin to scan the things which bring up my human worries, please reach down and close them so I spend a moment in prayer before lifting them back up to you.  Help me to keep my eyes on you, Lord.

Amen!  :D

Okay, Letting Go of the Branch!

John 15:16a; Psalm 139:15, 16

“You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you.  I know you inside and out, I know every bone in your body.  Like an open book, I watched you grow from conception to birth; all the stages of your life were spread out before me, the days of all your life prepared before you’d even lived one day.”  (MSG, swapped you’s & I’s from Psalm so God is speaking.)

Today’s inspiration came not from a scriptural devotional, but from AA’s Daily Reflections.  It is only a short little blurb about self-acceptance, but the way the writer worded the last sentence struck a chord with me this morning.

“I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant self-criticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself.” (p. 324)

Like so many others, I can be incredibly hard on myself.  At times I set my expectations so high I could never find a ladder tall enough to reach them.  One little mistake at a certain time or place or with certain people will haunt me far longer than it needs to.  And often I find that something I’ve been beating myself up over went completely unnoticed by anyone else in the human world.

It wasn’t too long ago that I often heard it said, “If God can forgive you, then who are you not to forgive yourself?”  Same idea here:

“If God accepts you, who are you not to accept yourself?”

Everyone makes mistakes.  My mistakes are no lesser or greater than others’ in the grand scheme of things.  God made me who I am.  He made me in his image for pete’s sake!  I am “marvelously made!” (Psalm 139:14 MSG)  Who am I to tell God he made a mistake?  Who am I to tell God he went wrong somewhere when he created me?

There is no moment of my life that God didn’t know would happen before time even began.  All things must run their course, so I may as well let go of the branch and hang on to the raft.  The branch, of course, being any mistake or anything over which I am self-condemning.  Staying there I will only flounder and flail in the rushing water, stalling my progress and making things more difficult for myself.  Letting go and hanging on to the raft I can literally go with the flow, dealing with rocks and waterfalls as they come, and not fight against the current.

So my prayer today is to let go of that arrogant self-criticism, remember that I am a child of God, and make a conscious effort to accept myself for who I am, and to love and care for myself, as my Heavenly Father loves and cares for me.

Amen!  :D