“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When
you come looking for me, you’ll find me.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13; MSG)
As small children, when we fall
and scrape a knee or the neighborhood bully teases us, we run to our caretaker.
For many, this means mom or dad. For some it may be a grandparent or an older
sibling. (Others are not so fortunate to have that someone at all.) We run
crying into the outstretched arms of our person, and she hugs us, wipes away
our tears, uses her shirt to clean the snot from our faces, and reassures us
that everything will be all right. Over time, as we grow, this relationship may
change form, but if we are lucky, we can still run into the outstretched arms
of someone who loves us dearly.
There were a lot of times in my life
when I was really hurting, but didn’t run into anyone’s arms. I was too afraid
of being a burden, of worrying someone too much, of bogging someone down with a
problem with which I knew no one could help me. The loneliness I caused myself
with this thinking was nothing short of stifling. Maybe no one could fix my
problem, but I wouldn’t even let anyone be there for me, just to love, support
and maybe comfort me.
I know it was a trust issue. I
didn’t trust anyone enough to do the right thing. I’d been burned far too many
times by most, and when it came to my mom, I didn’t want her to have any more
reason to worry about me than she already did. I didn’t trust her ability to
handle me sharing my hurt with her.
Is it any wonder that this lack of
trust extended to God?
Though I so often fervently and
desperately cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t trust him to do it. I did not
let go and trust he would catch me. I did not run into his arms. I did not
allow him to hold me or to comfort me. I complained, I shouted and screamed at
times, asked the persistent question of “WHY?” without really listening for the answer, or if I heard it, deciding it
wasn’t the answer I wanted.
There is a song, The More I
Seek You, that is beautiful in its simplicity and imagery of a very
real and tangible Jesus. A few months ago at a church women’s retreat, we sang
this song several times, and it was then that I realized why it touched me so
much.
God is not always presented as a
personal, tangible God – which he very much is. And in this chapter of my
journey with him, I find that I fall more and more in love with him as he
becomes more personal to me. I can close my eyes and see myself running into
the arms of my Heavenly Papa, who will hold me and love me, comfort me when I
am sad, tell me everything will be okay when I worry, and heal me when I am
hurting. I can close my eyes and get a big bear hug from Jesus, walk hand in
hand with him on the beach, lie on my back in the grass with him beside me, my
best friend.
What changed? Well, for one thing, I
trust God now. Even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to, I trust him. I
also actively seek him. I spend time in the Good Book, spend time in
meditation, spend time talking to him, hanging out with him, praising him. And
he tells me over and over again, “You are my precious child. You belong to me
and I love you so very much. I am always right here by your side, with you
everywhere you go.”
And the more I trust him, the more I
can trust others in my life, too. It is a slow process. I know they will let me
down – we are human, it happens. But I feel safer knowing I’ve got God beside
me, there to catch me if I am dropped, there to hold me and dry my tears, there
to place his healing hand on my hurting heart.
“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than
anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” (Jeremiah 29:13-14; MSG)
My prayer today is that we all can
move closer to our God, to know that we absolutely can run into his arms anytime
we need or want. His arms are open, outstretched and waiting, and there isn’t a
soul he will turn away.
Amen! :D
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