Just. Be. Still.

“Relax, Daniel, don’t be afraid. From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

I got up on the wrong side of the bed today. I was in good head space when I went to sleep, but I woke up angry and combative. Never a great way to start the day.

The day started anyway, and I worked to stop the running arguments in my head as I went through my usual morning motions. I sent up a handful of hurried prayers for God to release me. The arguments persisted. I grabbed a notebook and angrily wrote out about three or four pages of what was going on in my mind. If it hadn’t been for time, I would’ve written more. As I threw together my things to hurry out the door for work, I dialed my sponsor in hopes of releasing some of the tumult. No answer.

Arriving at work, I glossed the subject with a co-worker and friend in whom I can confide, touching only the basic idea of what had me so afflicted. He offered some limited perspective and helped by giving me a couple of extra things to consider. I calmed a bit and began my work day. As I feel tends to happen when I am already in a state of agitation, several things popped up just within the first three hours that grated on my raw nerves. Another co-worker approached and undeservedly received a barrage of angry words about the things that had irritated me in the past hour.

Knowing I needed to do something to change my attitude, I stepped outside to take a few minutes and pray. The first thing that came to my mind was the Prayer of St. Francis. Following that, a few deep breaths in stillness and earnest requests to God to help me seek to be compassionate and understanding. Opening my eyes I picked up my Bible and the page fell open to Daniel. Highlighted on the page, I saw first, “’Don’t be afraid, friend. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. Take courage. Be strong.” (Daniel 10:19; MSG) As I read and re-read the words, I indeed felt peace seep in.

Further up on the page the highlighted words, “From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

As I sat in my car and breathed in the warmth and sunshine wafting in through the open windows, the war of the morning subsided.

I just needed to be still for a few minutes, call out to God from the stillness, then sit with him in the stillness. Why, oh, why, oh, why does it seem so difficult for me to just. be. still. It is one of the primary reasons why one of my Lenten commitments was to this blog. As evidenced by the lack of recent posts, I allowed other things in life to win out yet again. Always there is the struggle to differentiate between treating myself with grace and allowing behavior to continue that is inconsistent with what I believe or what I desire in my life.

And ultimately, that is the underlying issue right now with anything I approach.

So here is a revision for this last week and a half of Lent, most especially for Holy Week, a time to which I should devote myself in earnest to what the week remembers. If I write a reflection, great. If I don’t get to it, no sweat. More importantly than anything else, I need to spend time in stillness. So my commitment is to make that time. To apologize to anyone or anything that I must miss for it, and to make that time. To show God I’m serious about this and I want my relationship with him more than anything else.

My prayer today is that those of you who stumble across this blog and also struggle with stillness find the strength with me to sit quietly with God every day. To make space for God rather than fit God in.

Amen.

Throw Open the Door

“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us… We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand – out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace & glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” (Romans 5:1-2; MSG, para.)

Romans 5:2 is one of my favorite verses. I love the imagery and I love the message. Today as I consider the peace I find in stepping into willingness and saying, “Okay, God,” I can’t help but think of this verse. The more I open my mind to allow God to work however he will – even if it doesn’t look how I think I want it to look – the more I realize he continues to set me free. When I stop being stubborn and remove the barriers I’ve set between myself and God’s will, I throw open my door to him. And there he is, smiling, saying, “I’m glad you came around. Just wait and see what we’re going to do together now.”

Just wait and see.

Yesterday, as I stepped into willingness concerning some present stressful circumstances (the stress all completely manifested by me, mind you), I felt less negatively overwhelmed by not knowing what to do and more positively overwhelmed with knowing I have options and there are things I can do if I am willing. Open mind, open heart, open door to God. And following my release of the white knuckle grip I had on the situation, I began to receive affirmation in many different ways, which confirmed for me that I am indeed stepping into God’s will with this issue. Imagine that!

Just wait and see.

Actively participating in a twelve-step program often means being willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean & sober. This often includes getting out of our comfort zones, doing things we don’t feel like doing and going the extra mile when we think we’ve run as far as we can. Our very lives depend on it. Stepping into the will of God shouldn’t be any different. Am I willing to do whatever it takes to live the life he designed for me? Even though at times it may mean troubles, discomfort, pain, distress or struggle? God, give me the strength to say, “Yes,” every time.

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary – we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” (Romans 5:3-5; MSG)

Just wait and see.

My prayer today is that as I find freedom by throwing my door open to God and willingly stepping into whatever he will do with me next that you also find the courage to remove the things between you and that door. What is God calling you to do today? Push aside those barriers, open the door and gaze into his radiant, smiling face as he opens his arms and says, “I’m glad you came around. Just wait and see what we’re going to do together now.”

Amen! =D

Room Full of Boxes

“From the ends of the earth I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you are my refuge.” (Psalm 61:2-3; NLT/NIV)

When life gets overwhelming, I like to use my “Room Full of Boxes” analogy. I came up with this analogy during a particularly difficult move. I got all of my things moved into my new home and unpacked the essentials, then left most of my stuff in boxes in the spare room and closed the door. Every time I opened the door and saw all the boxes, I felt overwhelmed. For months, my response was to close the door and pretend the room did not exist.

Finally, one day, I summoned my courage, breathed a prayer, opened the door and pulled out one box. After that, one box at a time, I finished unpacking.

Life is a room full of boxes. At any given time, I have boxes to unpack. They may be work boxes, family boxes, financial boxes, relationship boxes... When I get stressed and feel like I’m in a situation where several decisions need to be made at once, I want to close the door. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know where to start, I don’t want to do it, so I’ll just ignore it.

The problem is that closing the door to the room full of boxes doesn’t make the boxes go away. Neither does ignoring or delaying addressing issues that present themselves in my life. The more I resist, the harder it becomes, the more overwhelmed I feel.

It can be crippling.

So how do I combat the room full of boxes? The first thing I do is acknowledge it. Acknowledging the situation(s) making me feel overwhelmed takes away some their power. The second thing I do, when I stop being stubborn and willful, is to give it to God. “God, I feel overwhelmed. Here is my situation. I feel a little lost and like I don’t know where to start. Please calm my soul and show me the way.” Then I open the door and ask God to help me see one box at a time.

It is freeing.

“Do you not know or have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” (Isaiah 40:28-29; NAB/NLT)

If you find you are battling a room full of boxes today, feeling overwhelmed, lost and like you don’t know where to start, invite God to the doorway. As you stand together in front of the closed door, tell God about the room. Tell him about the boxes and what’s in them, then tell him about your heart and where your mind is. Take a few moments of quiet to feel him as he smiles at you and places his hands on you, reassuring you. Then, with his loving care surrounding you, take a deep breath, open the door, and reach for the first box.

My prayer today is that I invite God to my room full of boxes, trusting that he alone can show me where to start, trusting that he can help me unpack my boxes, trusting that he can give me strength to finish unpacking. God you are good and the source of all things good. I give my room full of boxes and my weary, burdened heart to you. Thank you for your endless mercy and grace, and your patience with me when I choose to be stubborn in following your lead.

Amen! =D

Working for What?

“People leave this world no better off than when they came. All their hard work is for nothing—like working for the wind. Throughout their lives, they live under a cloud—frustrated, discouraged, and angry.” (Ecclesiates 5:16-17; NLT)

It is safe to say that money is the number one thing that can poke holes in my serenity. Here in this society, money is required for me to make it from day to day – to feed myself, to clothe myself, to keep a roof over my head. Money also is required for education, preparation and relaxation.

I know I am not alone in this. Friends and family members have struggled over the years, some breaking free of money’s crush, others still living under it, and yet others choosing to remain unaware of any issue. With the ups and downs of the economy over the last several years, many of us found ourselves suddenly unemployed, and while God may have graced us with a new job, we carry the burden of debt accumulated while without work. Many who chose to take out school loans over recent years graduated only to be unable to find work adequate to cover the cost of their monthly payments.

And the cost of everything, it seems, continues to go up, up, up, while our paychecks, if we’re blessed enough to have them, stay right where they are.

Spend some time in Ecclesiates and you’ll see the author is very much fed up with our human patterns of existence. Perhaps he saw something similar in his time to what is common today of people working hard just to make ends meet and hardly getting to enjoy the life God gave them because of their constant toiling. He says it’s all for nothing. We can’t take it with us, so there’s no use for hoarding it. We should be enjoying life more, not being so consumed by work and worry.

But what about saving money for retirement? Or emergencies? What about providing for the kids?

Perhaps the main point here is that the author is trying to bring our attention to our fruitless works. Not to tell us to stop working all together, but to consider where our time is spent and how much we trust God to take care of us. In the introduction to Ecclesiates in The Message, Eugene Peterson writes:

“Ecclesiastes actually doesn’t say that much about God; the author leaves that to the other sixty-five books of the Bible. His task is to expose our total incapacity to find the meaning and completion of our lives on our own.” (emphasis mine.)

The primary message coming through in my reflections this Lenten season focuses on my need to rely on God, live into God’s will, and trust that God will provide and take care of all my needs. I’ve even written about how I know that doing exactly that is always the best decision I can make. But, human that I am, it becomes difficult when I sit down in front of the black and red of my budget and wonder how to make it work. How do I know when I’m trying to figure it out or if I’m trying to follow God’s lead? One thing at a time. Plenty of prayer and plenty of trust.

My prayer today is that I continue striving toward God’s will, not my own, even when it comes to my finances. May I trust him with my money and tear down the fears which stand between me and my pure belief that he will provide for all my needs. Lead the way, God, I’m right behind you.

Amen! =D

Stay With It.

 “Stay with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” (Matthew 24:13; Mark 13:13; Luke 21:19; MSG)

Ever been in a place where you wonder if it’s all worth it? Feel like staying in bed or going far away from everything are better options than continuing in your day to day life?

I know that place. I know those feelings.

As a survivor of a severe chronic depression that plagued me for twenty years, I am all too familiar with feeling like life simply isn’t worth it. In ways both active and passive, I sought to end my life on many occasions. The most familiar feeling for me was that of being trapped; somewhere inside I knew I didn’t really want to die, but I knew I really didn’t want to go on living.

It was a very dark, lonely and hopeless world. By the end I looked for any way to escape my pain I could find, which only exacerbated and worsened my fear and hopelessness. I couldn’t understand why God, who I knew loved me, would allow me to hurt so badly for so long.

The thing is, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust him to heal me. I didn’t think I was worth it. Even when I cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t really think he would. No matter how often I went to church, no matter how much scripture I read, no matter how many prayers I prayed, I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

Fear is such a manipulative beast. When fear grips me, I can become paralyzed and forget the strength I have in my Great Creator. I can forget that though I am less than a grain of sand in the infinite Glory of God, he cares about me personally. He loves me and wants to help me and asks only that I turn, face him, open my heart and trust him.

Within our small human frame of reference, it is easy to ascribe human attributes to God. This makes it difficult to see how a being can truly love freely and unconditionally, and be always forgiving, gracious and merciful. This also makes it easy to compare God to people in our lives, including people who let us down, break promises, hurt us and cause us pain. Thank God, God is not human.

God is so much bigger. He’s so much bigger than all our worry, all our doubt – and all our fear.

God. Is. Bigger.

Pick up the Good Book and flip through the Gospels a little bit. You’re sure to run across at least one of many verses which find Jesus saying, “Courage, do not be afraid.”¹ Time and time again he reassures those who tremble in fear, those who do not feel worthy, the outcast, downcast and downtrodden. Time and time again, he lifts them up and encourages them.

He wants to do that for you and me, too. Take a deep breath and allow yourself for a moment to be transported back to the time when Jesus walked the earth. He walks through your town amidst a throng of admirers as you watch from the sidelines. In the one brief moment that your desperation to be free from your pain finally is greater than any fear, you find yourself suddenly in the throng, pushing past people, bending down and fighting through the crowd to get to Jesus. “If only I can get near him,” you think, “I can be healed.” You come up behind him and boldly reach for him, brushing his clothes. Instantly you feel different, you feel changed. As he turns toward you, you prepare to be humiliated in front of the crowd for wanting to get so close to Jesus. Instead, it grows quiet. You look up into his eyes and he smiles the kindest smile you’ve ever seen. He touches your chin and gently raises you up. “You took a risk and trusted me. Now you are healed and whole. Live well, live blessed.”²

Stay with it. Stay with it to the end. It’s worth it, trust me. There is hope and there is light. I find mine in the Sweet Soul I follow with all my heart, my Jesus, who calls me beloved and friend. I find mine in God who is bigger than anything and everything, who made all things seen and unseen. I find mine in a faith that finally allows me to trust, even when life gets hard here on this earth.

My prayer today is for those of you who struggle with darkness, hopelessness and despair. May you find peace and comfort and freedom from your fear. May you live well and live blessed, and find yourselves healed and whole.

Amen.

¹ Matthew 10:26, 28, 31; 14:27; 17:7; 28:5, 10

Mark 5:36; 6:50

Luke 5:10; 8:50; 12:4, 7, 32;

John 6:20 12:15; 14:27

I’ve only listed some Gospel verses here (likely not comprehensive, so go flip through the book to find more!), but many, many more verses of God reassuring us and telling us not to fear, to have courage because he is with us pepper the whole Bible throughout, Old Testament and New. :)

² Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48; Matthew 9:20-22

May I Interrupt?

“Simon Peter, when he saw it, fell to his knees before Jesus. “Master, leave. I’m a sinner and can’t handle this holiness. Leave me to myself.” (Luke 5:8; MSG)

Shortly before this moment, Jesus, in an effort to better teach the eager crowd closing in on him, interrupted Simon in his work and had him put his boat back out in the water. I would like to be able to read of this interaction and the time in-between, but maybe it is better to imagine it...

Simon, James and John spend a long, tiring night out on the lake only to come back empty-handed. They beach their boats and begin the thankless task of washing their large nets. Perhaps they think about how many nights there were like this, how they will provide for their families, when they will finally haul in a good catch. Who knows if they even notice or pay attention to Jesus and his growing crowd?

Then Jesus just climbs right into Simon’s boat. Totally hops in uninvited and then has the nerve to ask Simon to get in, too, and put the boat back out in the water. Simon recognizes Jesus as the man who recently healed his mother-in-law (Luke 4:38-39). Feeling a bit obligated, he complies with Jesus’s request, then sits nearby in the boat while Jesus teaches the masses gathered on the shore.

I can’t help but imagine Simon spent that time in the boat much like many of us do in the pew on Sunday. He catches bits and pieces of what Jesus says, but he is distracted. His mind is on the long night and lack of fish. He thinks about the net he has yet to wash. He knows better than to expect James and John will do it for him since he’s stuck out here with this Jesus character. Simon’s attention is feeble at best as he checks off his mental to-do list and tries to prepare for the coming day.

As Jesus wraps up his sermon, Simon yawns. Jesus turns to him and says, “Push out into deep water and let your nets out for a catch.” (Luke 5:4) Simon thinks, “Is he kidding? Seriously? I didn’t catch anything all night and I already have one net waiting for me to wash on the shore and now he wants me to take the boat out again and toss my clean nets out?” He summons all his courage and patience as he again remembers that Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Half-protesting, half-obedient, Simon does as Jesus asks, sure to point out the clear folly in his request as he threw the nets out. Immediately, the nets fill with fish. So many fish that James and John have to bring their boat out to help haul in the catch.

How often do I find myself in this situation? I’m tired, I’m frustrated, nothing’s going my way, I’m worried about bills, I don’t have enough time, and then – God interrupts. Absolutely no consideration for what I think or feel about it, he tells me to put the boat in the water. Then he talks for awhile and I sit in the boat, yawning and half-heartedly listening as I think about things I need to get done. Then God nudges me and says, “Go deeper.” Somewhat reluctantly, I go. And suddenly I find myself in that place of God’s Abundance, that Romans 5:1-2 promise of the Peace and Grace that come side-by-side with stepping out in faith.

I often feel like Simon Peter, falling to my knees and saying, “I do not deserve this.” Because I know, as Simon knew, that I could’ve done better, listened closer, tried harder, been more willing, etc, etc. The thing is, I never could be “good enough” for God’s Grace. I never could do or say enough to earn his Love. Which is why I am thankful that God’s Grace is freely given. There isn’t a thing I have to do to earn his Love – it is already mine without condition. And no matter how many times I fall, he will pick me up, dust me off and kiss me on the forehead as he says, “I forgive you.” Every time.

So how does Jesus reply when Simon falls to his knees and confesses his feelings of unworthiness?

“Jesus said to Simon, “There is nothing to fear.” (Luke 5:10b)

There is nothing to fear.

With that, Jesus tells Simon, James and John that they will be fishers of men. The three new disciples leave everything – everything – behind and follow Jesus. Because it never really was about the fish, was it?

My prayer today is that I work harder to stay focused on that which God reveals to me. It is so easy to be distracted by the things of this world and my daily life. I pray that I may strengthen my ears to therefore be quicker in perking them up when I hear the voice of my God speaking to me.

Amen!

Don’t Doubt, Just Do

“Whenever someone has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely.” (Matthew 13:12; MSG)

By far, one of the more difficult things for me to trust in this faith life is whether a message/thought/idea comes from God. In the past I lived in my own world in my head coming up with grand ideas and creating situations and relationships that often were not real. And when I would venture to pursue something I thought I’d perceived, I’d end up getting hurt or looking like a fool. Back then, if you gave me a crumb, I’d turn it into an entire shop full of baked goods.

I understand a lot of it was escapism. The world in my head provided a break from what I knew as a dark reality. In my head people liked me, I had friends, love was possible. In the world people bullied me, betrayed me, cheated on me. In my head I could be happy. In the world I saw no way out of my pain.

In this faith life my reality is very different. I am very different. When I find myself trying to escape into my head these days it is usually because I am avoiding a task God has given me that I do not want to do. And it is consistently fear-based.

The rational part of me knows that, with God, I have nothing to fear. But I am human. In my avoidance of his request, I begin to doubt, and I question whether or not it came from him or if I’ve made it up in my head. In my heart, I usually know the answer. But there were a few times I escaped into my head launching off the very thing God gave me to do and therefore completely and totally convoluted the whole matter.  The last time it happened I had myself worked into such a frenzy that I teetered on that old edge of self-destruction, nearly ruining a lot of good things I’ve got going in my life.

All because I couldn’t trust God because I didn’t want to accept something he put in my path.

My resistance, not the thing’s existence, was the source of my turmoil.

So now I find myself rolling down a similar, yet far less devastating snowy hill as I hem and haw over what he asked me to do. Because I’m worried about me. I got far enough into my head about it that I began to question my motives and if this really is a task from God. Yet I know, and I knew the moment he said it, that it came from him. Imagine how much time I’d save and trouble I’d miss if I followed through in the beginning! The fruit I daily see in doing just that is amazing...

So why do I still fight?

I’m human. This faith life is still pretty new to me. This trusting God, receiving his messages and honestly striving to live in his will thing is still pretty new. When I stopped and earnestly prayed about this situation, an answer came. Still, I doubted. So I opened the bible and God handed me Matthew 13:10-17.

As always, if I am listening, he speaks.

“But you have God-blessed eyes – eyes that see! And God-blessed ears – ears that hear!” (Matthew 13:16; MSG)

My prayer tonight is that I will seek to take this action the moment I feel any doubt or fear about something God has placed on my heart. Pray. Pick up the bible. Pray some more. Do.

Amen!  :D

I Heart Hugs From Jesus

“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13; MSG)

As small children, when we fall and scrape a knee or the neighborhood bully teases us, we run to our caretaker. For many, this means mom or dad. For some it may be a grandparent or an older sibling. (Others are not so fortunate to have that someone at all.) We run crying into the outstretched arms of our person, and she hugs us, wipes away our tears, uses her shirt to clean the snot from our faces, and reassures us that everything will be all right. Over time, as we grow, this relationship may change form, but if we are lucky, we can still run into the outstretched arms of someone who loves us dearly.

There were a lot of times in my life when I was really hurting, but didn’t run into anyone’s arms. I was too afraid of being a burden, of worrying someone too much, of bogging someone down with a problem with which I knew no one could help me. The loneliness I caused myself with this thinking was nothing short of stifling. Maybe no one could fix my problem, but I wouldn’t even let anyone be there for me, just to love, support and maybe comfort me.

I know it was a trust issue. I didn’t trust anyone enough to do the right thing. I’d been burned far too many times by most, and when it came to my mom, I didn’t want her to have any more reason to worry about me than she already did. I didn’t trust her ability to handle me sharing my hurt with her.

Is it any wonder that this lack of trust extended to God?

Though I so often fervently and desperately cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t trust him to do it. I did not let go and trust he would catch me. I did not run into his arms. I did not allow him to hold me or to comfort me. I complained, I shouted and screamed at times, asked the persistent question of “WHY?” without really listening for the answer, or if I heard it, deciding it wasn’t the answer I wanted.

There is a song, The More I Seek You, that is beautiful in its simplicity and imagery of a very real and tangible Jesus. A few months ago at a church women’s retreat, we sang this song several times, and it was then that I realized why it touched me so much.

God is not always presented as a personal, tangible God – which he very much is. And in this chapter of my journey with him, I find that I fall more and more in love with him as he becomes more personal to me. I can close my eyes and see myself running into the arms of my Heavenly Papa, who will hold me and love me, comfort me when I am sad, tell me everything will be okay when I worry, and heal me when I am hurting. I can close my eyes and get a big bear hug from Jesus, walk hand in hand with him on the beach, lie on my back in the grass with him beside me, my best friend.

What changed? Well, for one thing, I trust God now. Even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to, I trust him. I also actively seek him. I spend time in the Good Book, spend time in meditation, spend time talking to him, hanging out with him, praising him. And he tells me over and over again, “You are my precious child. You belong to me and I love you so very much. I am always right here by your side, with you everywhere you go.”

And the more I trust him, the more I can trust others in my life, too. It is a slow process. I know they will let me down – we are human, it happens. But I feel safer knowing I’ve got God beside me, there to catch me if I am dropped, there to hold me and dry my tears, there to place his healing hand on my hurting heart.

“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” (Jeremiah 29:13-14; MSG)

My prayer today is that we all can move closer to our God, to know that we absolutely can run into his arms anytime we need or want. His arms are open, outstretched and waiting, and there isn’t a soul he will turn away.

Amen!  :D

Cup is Full, but He Keeps Pouring!

Ephesians 3:20

“God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!” (MSG)

This verse caught my eye while flipping pages, hunting for a different verse for my special Lenten project. I began to write the other, then realized this is the one God wanted. As I reached to shut down the computer and head to bed, he nudged. Write your gratitude, Love.

This verse embodies how I am feeling these days. I am so completely and utterly in awe of what God is doing in my life – it is without a doubt beyond my wildest dreams, more than I ever could have imagined, guessed, or requested. I can’t even count the number of times I have had streams of gratitude flowing down my face in the last couple of weeks. And here they come again now. I can’t help it: My Cup Runneth Over.

As his mercy and grace flow in and makes me new, the old is flowing out.

It’s almost an odd feeling, suddenly to be so overcome and to feel the wet of the tears rolling down my cheeks, not crying or sobbing, but breathing normally, and just tears and tears and tears like God turned the faucet on. I can’t stop it and I don’t want to. Even though it is a strange sensation, it feels amazing. Cleansing. Relieving.

I’ve had more than a handful of people ask if I’ve lost weight recently. I’m small in stature, so even a slight change is noticeable, but I haven’t seen it. All I can think is that God helps me continue to shed the pounds of my past. Every day he makes me lighter as he draws me nearer.

Words can never express the profound gratitude I feel.

Doors continue to open, miracles continue to happen. And I do mean miracles! God has restored hopes and dreams within me that I never thought could be revived.

I work really hard these days to stay in contact with God throughout my day, every day. The praying without ceasing is becoming more of a habit and less of an, “Oh, yeah, I should pray.” Every song I sing now comes forth as a prayer. And as much as I – I’ll say it again – as much as I wanted to be writing more and I had certain ideas about how I’d spend my time during Lent, God had something else in mind. Turns out he wanted some more intimate time with me, just me and God, God and me.

God opened my heart wide and revealed things to me I may have missed had I been intent on still trying to do things my way, even in a godly way.

God is good. All the time.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound; such a beautiful surrender. Not me, God, but you. Fill me up.

Amen! 

Singin’ Don’t Worry

Psalm 34:4, 6

“God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.  When I was desperate to God, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.”  (MSG)

I’m small in stature, so it’s very easy for me to fit into tight spots.  I lost count a long time ago how many times God has gotten me out of them.  My life, for the better part of it thus far, was lived finding tight spots and not paying much attention to God.  But when I got stuck, I called out, and he was always there.

The life of tight spots is a very anxious life.  Living in today’s society, even, it can be difficult not to feel anxious.  In spite of lessons that over and over teach us we need not worry (i.e. Matt 6:25-34), so many things today drive us onward to fear.  “Be afraid, the world is in peril!” the news shouts.  “This recession will never end,” headlines scream. 

But apart from the world in general, there is a whole host of things about we make ourselves anxious in day-to-day life.  It is exhausting to live in constant worry.  And it is in no way productive or helpful in getting us through our days.

God indeed freed me from my anxious fears.  Just yesterday I stopped to take notice of what he’s done for me in giving me his peace which passes all understanding.  I am open to it most of time now, only closing off to it when I’m having one of my doubtful moments or being tempted by a tight spot. 

In a many faceted situation, I was graced with an opportunity to make some extra money by jumping onto a project with an approaching deadline.  Given all the nuances of the situation, in the past I would have been anxious about a number of things walking into this.  Instead, with the grace of God, I peacefully and cheerfully walked in and then quickly settled in, never feeling out of place or unable to do the task set before me.

It was incredible.

What was even more incredible was the fact that since God’s peace has started to become almost second nature to me, I didn’t even realize until halfway through the day how I would have felt had I been in this position even six months ago.

God doesn’t stand on one side of the beach and wait for me to travel the whole distance to him.  The moment I take a step toward him, the moment I reach out my arms in his direction, he comes running toward me, arms open wide.  He’ll meet me more than halfway, and when he scoops me up in his arms and I’m wrapped up in his loving embrace, I am reassured and have no reason to be afraid.

Amen!  :D