“Stay with it – that’s what is required. Stay
with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” (Matthew 24:13; Mark 13:13; Luke
21:19; MSG)
Ever been in a place where you wonder if it’s all worth it?
Feel like staying in bed or going far away from everything are better options
than continuing in your day to day life?
I know that place. I know those feelings.
As a survivor of a severe chronic depression that plagued me
for twenty years, I am all too familiar with feeling like life simply isn’t
worth it. In ways both active and passive, I sought to end my life on many
occasions. The most familiar feeling for me was that of being trapped;
somewhere inside I knew I didn’t really
want to die, but I knew I really
didn’t want to go on living.
It was a very dark, lonely and hopeless world. By the end I
looked for any way to escape my pain I could find, which only exacerbated and
worsened my fear and hopelessness. I couldn’t understand why God, who I knew
loved me, would allow me to hurt so badly for so long.
The thing is, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust him to heal
me. I didn’t think I was worth it. Even when I cried out, “God, help me!” I
didn’t really think he would. No
matter how often I went to church, no matter how much scripture I read, no
matter how many prayers I prayed, I was simply too afraid to believe God would
really help me.
I was simply too
afraid to believe God would really help me.
Fear is such a manipulative beast. When fear grips me, I can
become paralyzed and forget the strength I have in my Great Creator. I can
forget that though I am less than a grain of sand in the infinite Glory of God,
he cares about me personally. He loves me and wants to help me and asks only
that I turn, face him, open my heart and trust him.
Within our small human frame of reference, it is easy to
ascribe human attributes to God. This makes it difficult to see how a being can
truly love freely and unconditionally, and be always forgiving, gracious and
merciful. This also makes it easy to compare God to people in our lives,
including people who let us down, break promises, hurt us and cause us pain. Thank
God, God is not human.
God is so much bigger. He’s so much bigger than all our
worry, all our doubt – and all our fear.
God. Is. Bigger.
Pick up the Good Book and flip through the Gospels a little
bit. You’re sure to run across at least one of many verses which find Jesus
saying, “Courage, do not be afraid.”1 Time and time again he
reassures those who tremble in fear, those who do not feel worthy, the outcast,
downcast and downtrodden. Time and time again, he lifts them up and encourages
them.
He wants to do that for you and me, too. Take a deep breath
and allow yourself for a moment to be transported back to the time when Jesus
walked the earth. He walks through your town amidst a throng of admirers as you
watch from the sidelines. In the one brief moment that your desperation to be
free from your pain finally is greater than any fear, you find yourself suddenly
in the throng, pushing past people, bending down and fighting through the crowd
to get to Jesus. “If only I can get near him,” you think, “I can be healed.”
You come up behind him and boldly reach for him, brushing his clothes.
Instantly you feel different, you feel changed. As he turns toward you, you
prepare to be humiliated in front of the crowd for wanting to get so close to
Jesus. Instead, it grows quiet. You look up into his eyes and he smiles the
kindest smile you’ve ever seen. He touches your chin and gently raises you up.
“You took a risk and trusted me. Now you are healed and whole. Live well, live
blessed.”2
Stay with it. Stay with it to the end. It’s worth it, trust
me. There is hope and there is light. I find mine in the Sweet Soul I follow
with all my heart, my Jesus, who calls me beloved and friend. I find mine in
God who is bigger than anything and everything, who made all things seen and
unseen. I find mine in a faith that finally allows me to trust, even when life
gets hard here on this earth.
My prayer today is for those of you who struggle with
darkness, hopelessness and despair. May you find peace and comfort and freedom
from your fear. May you live well and live blessed, and find yourselves healed and whole.
Amen.
1 Matthew 10:26, 28, 31; 14:27; 17:7;
28:5, 10
Mark 5:36;
6:50
Luke 5:10;
8:50; 12:4, 7, 32;
John 6:20
12:15; 14:27
I’ve only listed some Gospel verses here (likely not
comprehensive, so go flip through the book to find more!), but many, many more verses
of God reassuring us and telling us not to fear, to have courage because he is
with us pepper the whole Bible throughout, Old Testament and New. :)
2 Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48; Matthew 9:20-22
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