Room Full of Boxes

“From the ends of the earth I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you are my refuge.” (Psalm 61:2-3; NLT/NIV)

When life gets overwhelming, I like to use my “Room Full of Boxes” analogy. I came up with this analogy during a particularly difficult move. I got all of my things moved into my new home and unpacked the essentials, then left most of my stuff in boxes in the spare room and closed the door. Every time I opened the door and saw all the boxes, I felt overwhelmed. For months, my response was to close the door and pretend the room did not exist.

Finally, one day, I summoned my courage, breathed a prayer, opened the door and pulled out one box. After that, one box at a time, I finished unpacking.

Life is a room full of boxes. At any given time, I have boxes to unpack. They may be work boxes, family boxes, financial boxes, relationship boxes... When I get stressed and feel like I’m in a situation where several decisions need to be made at once, I want to close the door. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know where to start, I don’t want to do it, so I’ll just ignore it.

The problem is that closing the door to the room full of boxes doesn’t make the boxes go away. Neither does ignoring or delaying addressing issues that present themselves in my life. The more I resist, the harder it becomes, the more overwhelmed I feel.

It can be crippling.

So how do I combat the room full of boxes? The first thing I do is acknowledge it. Acknowledging the situation(s) making me feel overwhelmed takes away some their power. The second thing I do, when I stop being stubborn and willful, is to give it to God. “God, I feel overwhelmed. Here is my situation. I feel a little lost and like I don’t know where to start. Please calm my soul and show me the way.” Then I open the door and ask God to help me see one box at a time.

It is freeing.

“Do you not know or have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” (Isaiah 40:28-29; NAB/NLT)

If you find you are battling a room full of boxes today, feeling overwhelmed, lost and like you don’t know where to start, invite God to the doorway. As you stand together in front of the closed door, tell God about the room. Tell him about the boxes and what’s in them, then tell him about your heart and where your mind is. Take a few moments of quiet to feel him as he smiles at you and places his hands on you, reassuring you. Then, with his loving care surrounding you, take a deep breath, open the door, and reach for the first box.

My prayer today is that I invite God to my room full of boxes, trusting that he alone can show me where to start, trusting that he can help me unpack my boxes, trusting that he can give me strength to finish unpacking. God you are good and the source of all things good. I give my room full of boxes and my weary, burdened heart to you. Thank you for your endless mercy and grace, and your patience with me when I choose to be stubborn in following your lead.

Amen! =D

Beautiful Things

“This is what God says, “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.” (Isaiah 43:16A, 18; MSG)

Lent corresponds with spring in such divine design. The shells of the dead of winter begin to fall away, and where there was a lack of life, life begins anew. Although this inconsistent winter is confusing even for the plants, which keep trying to bloom before the cold is truly gone, seeing those blooms reminds me that the bleakness of winter is almost behind us. During this season of self-examination I have the opportunity to shed things of the past and reach forward for the new life God works in me.

I am blessed to be a part of the praise and worship team at my church. We have a lot of favorite & familiar songs we love to play, but every now and then one of us will bring in something new to try. Last night I brought Gungor’s “Beautiful Things”¹ to the group. It is a simple, sweet song with a powerful and meaningful message. The moment I first heard the song it touched my heart. The opening lines speak to my core: “All this pain / I wonder if I'll ever find my way / I wonder if my life could really change at all...” The gist of the song is about the possibility of new life, that God makes things new, that he makes beautiful things out of us – his beloved children.

I wrote recently about God not choosing the most well-to-do or put together people to carry his message.² Generally, it seems God rather likes messes. The stories and major players throughout the Bible can be inspiration, reassurance or hope for us all in that we do not have to be slave to our human condition if we only turn to God. It’s as though he says, “Wait and see. Just look what I can do with YOU.”

He makes beautiful things out of us.

No matter how broken, how rebellious, how messy, he can make us beautiful. No matter how far we’ve fallen, how far away we’ve run, how many mistakes we’ve made, he can make us beautiful. No matter how dark, how lonely, how hopeless… He can make us beautiful.

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:1-3; NIV)

“God, you are our Father.  We’re the clay and you’re our potter:  All of us are what you made us. Show us the way [you] work so we can live the way we’re made.” (Isaiah 64:4; 1:3; MSG)

My prayer today is that we let God, the great and masterful artist, work his beauty into us. May we allow him to form and shape us into his perfect image, into a design specific to each and every one of us, his beloved children. And then, may he grant us strength and courage to live the way we’re made!

Amen! =D

¹  Gungor’s “Beautiful Things” music video

² Dim Bulbs

Stay With It.

 “Stay with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” (Matthew 24:13; Mark 13:13; Luke 21:19; MSG)

Ever been in a place where you wonder if it’s all worth it? Feel like staying in bed or going far away from everything are better options than continuing in your day to day life?

I know that place. I know those feelings.

As a survivor of a severe chronic depression that plagued me for twenty years, I am all too familiar with feeling like life simply isn’t worth it. In ways both active and passive, I sought to end my life on many occasions. The most familiar feeling for me was that of being trapped; somewhere inside I knew I didn’t really want to die, but I knew I really didn’t want to go on living.

It was a very dark, lonely and hopeless world. By the end I looked for any way to escape my pain I could find, which only exacerbated and worsened my fear and hopelessness. I couldn’t understand why God, who I knew loved me, would allow me to hurt so badly for so long.

The thing is, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust him to heal me. I didn’t think I was worth it. Even when I cried out, “God, help me!” I didn’t really think he would. No matter how often I went to church, no matter how much scripture I read, no matter how many prayers I prayed, I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

I was simply too afraid to believe God would really help me.

Fear is such a manipulative beast. When fear grips me, I can become paralyzed and forget the strength I have in my Great Creator. I can forget that though I am less than a grain of sand in the infinite Glory of God, he cares about me personally. He loves me and wants to help me and asks only that I turn, face him, open my heart and trust him.

Within our small human frame of reference, it is easy to ascribe human attributes to God. This makes it difficult to see how a being can truly love freely and unconditionally, and be always forgiving, gracious and merciful. This also makes it easy to compare God to people in our lives, including people who let us down, break promises, hurt us and cause us pain. Thank God, God is not human.

God is so much bigger. He’s so much bigger than all our worry, all our doubt – and all our fear.

God. Is. Bigger.

Pick up the Good Book and flip through the Gospels a little bit. You’re sure to run across at least one of many verses which find Jesus saying, “Courage, do not be afraid.”¹ Time and time again he reassures those who tremble in fear, those who do not feel worthy, the outcast, downcast and downtrodden. Time and time again, he lifts them up and encourages them.

He wants to do that for you and me, too. Take a deep breath and allow yourself for a moment to be transported back to the time when Jesus walked the earth. He walks through your town amidst a throng of admirers as you watch from the sidelines. In the one brief moment that your desperation to be free from your pain finally is greater than any fear, you find yourself suddenly in the throng, pushing past people, bending down and fighting through the crowd to get to Jesus. “If only I can get near him,” you think, “I can be healed.” You come up behind him and boldly reach for him, brushing his clothes. Instantly you feel different, you feel changed. As he turns toward you, you prepare to be humiliated in front of the crowd for wanting to get so close to Jesus. Instead, it grows quiet. You look up into his eyes and he smiles the kindest smile you’ve ever seen. He touches your chin and gently raises you up. “You took a risk and trusted me. Now you are healed and whole. Live well, live blessed.”²

Stay with it. Stay with it to the end. It’s worth it, trust me. There is hope and there is light. I find mine in the Sweet Soul I follow with all my heart, my Jesus, who calls me beloved and friend. I find mine in God who is bigger than anything and everything, who made all things seen and unseen. I find mine in a faith that finally allows me to trust, even when life gets hard here on this earth.

My prayer today is for those of you who struggle with darkness, hopelessness and despair. May you find peace and comfort and freedom from your fear. May you live well and live blessed, and find yourselves healed and whole.

Amen.

¹ Matthew 10:26, 28, 31; 14:27; 17:7; 28:5, 10

Mark 5:36; 6:50

Luke 5:10; 8:50; 12:4, 7, 32;

John 6:20 12:15; 14:27

I’ve only listed some Gospel verses here (likely not comprehensive, so go flip through the book to find more!), but many, many more verses of God reassuring us and telling us not to fear, to have courage because he is with us pepper the whole Bible throughout, Old Testament and New. :)

² Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48; Matthew 9:20-22

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

“I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal. When friends said, “Everything will turn out all right,” I didn’t believe a word they said.” Psalm 77:2; MSG

Currently I am going through a training course geared toward providing pastoral care in a hospital setting. The course is rooted in the principles of Christian love and Christian care giving. Since it is taught in a hospital that is not faith-based we are challenged to move outside the “Jesus is the answer” box and provide Christian care without invoking the name of Christ out of respect for those whose faith journey follows a different path. This is hard for some, as all of us in the class have testimony to how being a believer has made all the difference in how we cope with and handle the presence of suffering in our lives. It proved an especially challenging exercise given the question we faced in our most recent class: "Why does God allow bad things to happen?"

We were given the week between classes to ponder the question and prepare for discussion. My thoughts on it ranged from answers found in my Christian faith to principles and ideas from Eastern religions, different philosophical musings and the plain ol’, “It is what it is,” ideology. I also asked a lot of people around me to hear their thoughts on the subject. In AA meetings that week I listened a little harder when people shared how they moved through trials and what their varied spiritual experiences were and are.

For the duration of class we carried on a very involved discussion. We covered every range of answers and lack thereof, we explored rebuttals, some shared stories, many shed tears, some struggled with how not to try to lead someone to Jesus or give "cheap grace." One gentleman especially struggled tonight because this coming Saturday is the one-year anniversary of his beloved wife's death. His faith was evident though, as through his tears he continued to give thanks and praise to God and shared how God moved through his wife's illness and death and the growth he experienced as a result. After class he was visibly having a hard time holding it together, so I walked over to give him a hug and he burst into sobs, lifting me off the floor as I hugged him tightly and he cried. I just held onto him for a little bit, then when I sensed his breathing slow, I told him I loved him, gave him an extra squeeze and walked away.

Ultimately, that is what I walked away with from the discussion. I'd gone in having concluded that I have plenty of answers to that question that can be tailored to all different kinds of people, but none is ever sufficient. In those crisis moments, those Psalm 77:1-10 moments, there isn’t really anything anyone can do or say to sufficiently explain suffering in a way that will bring comfort. However, I was unable to resolve that conclusion, thinking, okay, so then what? The lightbulb moment came in listening to everyone, to how much we want to fix people and show them the way, to the reminders from the chaplain that we are in the process, not the results, understanding it's okay not to have all the answers – perhaps the best answer is no answer at all, but a demonstration of Love through the simple act of having the Grace to allow people to be where they are, listening, genuinely caring and unconditionally loving. I believe, as experienced with my classmates and aware of it in myself, that sometimes we get so focused on how we can be of use and what that looks like that we forget to stay in the moment and instead block the incoming flow from the Spirit because we are trying to think our way to the best way rather than just letting God have his way.

I pray today that I may better learn how to let the Holy Spirit move through me, especially in opportunities to allow people to be where they are. May I be an instrument of God not only in my speaking, but even more so in my listening.

Amen!

Are You Tired?

Lately I’ve been under the attack of insomnia. Lack of sleep and always being on the go have left little energy for anything else. Though I’m still praying and spending time in the word, I have not been spending good, solid quiet time with my God. And I’m thirsty, so, so thirsty.

I’ve been blocked, completely without inspiration, and all the times I’ve sat down to write, words do not come – or if they do, they only spill onto the page in a jumbled mess.

But I will not let the enemy win by giving in to this severe exhaustion. He’s been able to take me down by depriving me of sleep in the past, but it will not work this time. I will not crumble under the weight of this fatigue. After all, I can rest in the arms of my Jesus.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG)

I gave today completely to God. After church I came home, changed my clothes, then went to the place where I always feel so close to him: the beach. It was a glorious, sunny day and I walked with bare feet on the sand, allowing thoughts to come in and go right out of my head, trying to clear the brain-clutter and just be with God.

When he said, “Be still,” I stopped and sat down in the sand. I laid back, arms stretched out, and until my mind could quiet, I asked to give over anything I was holding onto, for God to reveal and help me release whatever was holding me back. I gave him my exhaustion, my sleep troubles. Then I focused on asking him to fill me up, to breathe into me. And then I was still.

I would’ve thought more time had passed with how peaceful and rested I felt, lying there in the sand, just hanging out with God. And as the rain started to roll in and I walked back to my car, I didn’t feel quite so tired anymore. My energy was renewed and the light was brighter in my eyes.

Here’s to making the time to be still. Even when I am exhausted and I feel there are other things to do, what can wait until tomorrow so that I may take a few minutes to just sit and be still with my God?

Gratitude

Matthew 6:31-34

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (MSG)

Amen!

Singin’ Don’t Worry

Psalm 34:4, 6

“God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.  When I was desperate to God, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.”  (MSG)

I’m small in stature, so it’s very easy for me to fit into tight spots.  I lost count a long time ago how many times God has gotten me out of them.  My life, for the better part of it thus far, was lived finding tight spots and not paying much attention to God.  But when I got stuck, I called out, and he was always there.

The life of tight spots is a very anxious life.  Living in today’s society, even, it can be difficult not to feel anxious.  In spite of lessons that over and over teach us we need not worry (i.e. Matt 6:25-34), so many things today drive us onward to fear.  “Be afraid, the world is in peril!” the news shouts.  “This recession will never end,” headlines scream. 

But apart from the world in general, there is a whole host of things about we make ourselves anxious in day-to-day life.  It is exhausting to live in constant worry.  And it is in no way productive or helpful in getting us through our days.

God indeed freed me from my anxious fears.  Just yesterday I stopped to take notice of what he’s done for me in giving me his peace which passes all understanding.  I am open to it most of time now, only closing off to it when I’m having one of my doubtful moments or being tempted by a tight spot. 

In a many faceted situation, I was graced with an opportunity to make some extra money by jumping onto a project with an approaching deadline.  Given all the nuances of the situation, in the past I would have been anxious about a number of things walking into this.  Instead, with the grace of God, I peacefully and cheerfully walked in and then quickly settled in, never feeling out of place or unable to do the task set before me.

It was incredible.

What was even more incredible was the fact that since God’s peace has started to become almost second nature to me, I didn’t even realize until halfway through the day how I would have felt had I been in this position even six months ago.

God doesn’t stand on one side of the beach and wait for me to travel the whole distance to him.  The moment I take a step toward him, the moment I reach out my arms in his direction, he comes running toward me, arms open wide.  He’ll meet me more than halfway, and when he scoops me up in his arms and I’m wrapped up in his loving embrace, I am reassured and have no reason to be afraid.

Amen!  :D

He Really Won’t

1 Corinthians 1:8-9

“God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track... He will never give up on you.  Never forget that.”  (MSG)

I have the privilege of attending a Celebrate Recovery (CR) group that includes women from the local treatment center.  Their brokenness is written all over them, on their faces, in their body language, in the sound of their voices. 

I am thankful that they have the opportunity to attend CR, that they have to opportunity to be in a group where they can freely talk about God and where they can hear what God is doing in others.  In the service they can hear the word of God and in the group they can feel his love. 

This verse, particularly verse nine, speaks to my heart for those in recovery.  Regardless of whether it is recovery from addiction or some other unhealthy behavior, there are many who slip and fall time and time again.  This verse is especially for them.

God is forgiving, not giving up. 

In Matthew 18:21, Peter asks Jesus if he should forgive someone up to seven times.  In 18:22, I can almost hear Jesus laughing: “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.” (MSG) 

I don’t think Jesus meant to set an actual number, but to illustrate that one should not limit forgiveness.  If there was a limit, I might be out of luck.  God, if taking a tally, probably would have reached my 490 a long time ago.  Thankfully for me, God doesn’t keep score.  Thankfully for me, he will never give up on me.

As many times as I wander away from the flock, God will always rescue this sheep.  I pray that as I sit in the room with those women every week knowing that most cannot fathom being where I am now and some may not have hope ever to get there, that I can illustrate God’s forgiveness and give hope with what I share. 

Prone to Wander

 

"There goes another one..."

Know how God burns calories?

Chasing his sheep.

Philippians 4:4-9

“Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.  Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received from me, or seen in me – put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.”  (NIV, italics mine)

That I am still amazed at the drastic change I feel in my life when I make a point of spending time with God only points to how new I still am at truly making God the focal point of my life.  Complete and total surrender is not an easy thing, especially not for one as stubborn as I am.  Lack of self-discipline has been a theme in my life and is something I still struggle with, meaning I am prone to distraction and, of course, prone to wander.

I got caught up in the busyness of life and, one by one, parts of my day I had devoted to God started to fall away.  I was still praying now and then, still hitting church Sunday morning, still praising him, but life’s distractions had edged him out of my central focal point.  And I knew it happened, but I couldn’t seem to make myself shift it back.

As God moved out of my focus and I prayed less and less, feelings of chaos, anxiety, fear, and sadness began to move back in.  Before I knew it, I found myself in a state of discontentment, confused, a bit bewildered, and wondering how on earth I managed to let myself get to that point.

It wasn’t until I laid myself out and in earnest prayer admitted my error, asked for forgiveness, thanked him for all the blessings he still gave me and begged for help to completely surrender myself that I felt a change.  And oh! what a change. 

God is willing if I am willing.  If I open myself up in earnest prayer and show him that I really mean it, he will almost instantly lift the negative feelings from my heart and wrap me up in his wondrous love. 

God is faithful to the degree to which I am faithful.  Sure, he still provides and cares for me while I’m off wandering along the edge of the precipice, and, yeah, he’ll catch me when I slip and fall, but it is only when I turn and run to him that I will truly feel all the effects of his love, and get to know his peace which passes all understanding.

I pray that I may make a more conscious and consistent habit of earnest prayer. May I walk in his love always, and, though I still will wander from time to time – I am human, after all – I pray that my wanderings are less and less frequent and for shorter periods of time.   

Amen!  :D



Turn Around

2 Corinthians 1:8-9

“As it turned out, it was the bet thing that could have happened.  Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally – not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead!  And he did it, rescued us from certain doom.  And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.”  (MSG)

It’s moments like these that I have to shake my head in wonder at my human self.  For the past week and a half, I’ve been struggling.  Nothing near the struggles I used to know, but struggling nonetheless.  Some right decisions took a backseat to impulse, there were a few of those things I had my hands all over even though I knew I needed to be trusting in God.  It was a very typical LKB mix of trying to do too much and not doing anything at all.

I’m sure if I tried hard enough, I could pinpoint all the reasons for my straying from the path these last several days, but more than anything else it is fear.  Whether or not I realize it, and regardless of what is causing the fear, that is generally the root of this type of behavior for me. 

I’ve tried valiantly not to be too hard on myself and cut myself some slack remembering that I am a work in progress and that, comparatively, I’m still doing a heckuva lot better than I used to.  As I picked up my devotionals this morning and saw that I had missed a day or two more of reading than I’d thought, I felt some of those old feelings creeping in again.  But before I had the chance to utter any small prayer for God to help me with them, I saw highlighting on the back of page I was on for one of the devotionals.

It was this verse. 

It’s the reminder that I have to fall prey to my human tendencies to do the wrong thing now and then in order to see again and again the difference that totally and completely trusting God makes in my life.  It’s the reminder that he has rescued me from certain doom (on plenty of occasions!).  It’s the reminder that he will continue to rescue me as many times as I need rescuing.

There’s no limit to God’s love.  And there’s no limit to his mercy.  Every time I turn to run toward him, his arms are wide open, just waiting to embrace me.

Amen!  :D

He Knew You'd Click the Link

Psalm 139:13-16

“Body and soul, I am marvelously made!” Psalm 139:14b (MSG)

Oh, how amazing the difference in my attitude toward myself inside and out when I look in the mirror and gleefully say this verse out loud in praise to God!  In this joyful Psalm David shouts his praise to God for how wonderfully God has made him. 

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother’s womb. 

I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! 

Body and soul, I am marvelously made! 

I worship in adoration – what a creation! 

You know me inside and out,

you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

before I’d even lived on day.” 

Psalm 139:13-16 (MSG)

This is a lovely bit of scripture on which I think it would be good to meditate daily.  It’s a great reminder not only of how God “marvelously” made me, but also of how he knows every single moment of every single day long before I ever encounter it.  He knew, for instance, that I would get to writing today’s meditation late because of the string of events – both good and bad – that happened this morning.  And he knew that after I worked through my emotions that I’d be in my usual spot on the couch in front of the laptop asking for inspiration while the sliding glass door was open to the screen so the kitties and I could enjoy the cool fall weather. 

I don’t want to take my moments for granted.  In that moment I spill coffee on my new shirt or that moment I ram my toe with great force into something hard and stationery, I want to smile because I know that God already knew it was going to happen and, somehow, it’s all part of a grander plan.  ...even if that part is God’s comic relief. 

Amen!  :D

He Ain't Lettin' Go

John 6:37

Near then end of my first week in treatment, a rather negative, opinionated girl came to join our community.  Fresh out of detox, she was sick as could be and the only words that came out of her mouth were complaints – usually littered with the “f-bomb” – about how awful she felt, about how much pain she was in, about how she didn’t want to be there, about how everyone was irritating her, about how she couldn’t get what she needed (*ahem* wanted).

Many of the other women in the community paid her no mind except to complain about her as she was always negative, always making our group late, and in general, just a miserable person to be around.  Another young, Spirit-filled lady and I pounced on her the first night we found her unhappy self slouched on the sidewalk by the clubhouse, wrapped in a flannel blanket, pale, shivering and sweaty, freezing and looking like death on a glorious, warm Florida evening. 

She was too sick to get away from us, and complaining or telling us to go away did her no good.  We raved about how life can get better, about the amazing things God could do, about how turning her attention and all the focus from all the bad stuff to something good, even if it was just the thought, “Today, I feel a little bit better than yesterday,” could make an incredible difference in how she entered and came through her recovery.

Queen of the “yeah, buts,” she slowly started asking questions, bringing up issues and ideas that kept her from wanting to believe in God or accept any kind of spirituality into her life.  Many of the other ladies started to see that there was something much more valuable in this young woman and came at her more from a caring mother/sister viewpoint rather than the irritated co-worker viewpoint.  My roommate took her under her wing like a child and all of us worked to show her the love she’d never had in her life. 

I’ll never forget the morning she got into the van and was as bright as the sun.  She’d figured it out, and was experiencing the newness of God’s joy.  That night she handed me a prayer she’d written about accepting Christ into her life and asked if I would find something just for her in the bible to read when we said the prayer together. 

I’m not sure why God worked it out the way he did – it’s not for me to understand – but we never got to pray that prayer.  God had me place her prayer in my bible next to the verse he’d picked just for her, but I never got to read it with her. 

Filled with this new joy and getting this new attention from the kind of people who before may never have given her the time of day, she got distracted.  She fell for one of the guys in treatment and he was good to her, which was also foreign, new and exciting.  The enemy, angry that she had thought about walking away from him reached in and grabbed her and took over just long enough to create a situation which resulted in her removal from the center. 

That night, as my roommate and I sat on our patio, praying for her, I opened my bible to where her prayer and my highlighted verse were.  The verse God had chosen clearly illustrated he knew it would be more for me than it would be for the young lady who wanted him in her life.  He knew we would never read it together, that it would be I coming back to it when I needed to hear it, to be comforted by it.  Because I knew more about the life she’d led, I had grown to love her like a part of my family, and now I watched her having been tossed back into the world unprepared.  I was worried and scared for her, understanding I may never know what happened to her.  But God pointed out to me that Jesus said,

“Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me.  And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.” John 6:37 (MSG)

Amen.  :D

That Wasn't Thunder...

Luke 9:28-36

This passage is typically referred to as the Transfiguration of Jesus since his appearance changes while he is praying.  According to Luke, “at once” after his appearance changed, Moses and Elijah were there with him.  They likely shared wisdom, offering guidance and counsel as they talked over Jesus’ future of death and resurrection.  

The disciples, who just can’t seem to stay awake while Jesus prays on the mountain (see also Luke 22:45; Mark 14:37, 40), suddenly wake up to find their beloved Master with his new dazzling, glorified appearance standing with Moses and Elijah.  Peter, unable to contain his enthusiasm, immediately wants to capture the moment.  Not having a camera, he suggests building three memorials, one for each of the three men. 

Suddenly, a “light-radiant cloud enveloped them.” Luke 9:34a (MSG)  All of my translations but The Message end this verse saying that the disciples were afraid, frightened, even terrified as the cloud rolled over them.  Admittedly, I would be quite fearful if a cloud were to envelope me just after I saw Jesus in his glory standing and conversing with Moses and Elijah.  But The Message gave this verse a much more profound meaning for me.  It spoke to me with such an absolute reaching into my heart that I had to stop for a moment after the first time I read it.

“As they found themselves buried in the cloud, they became deeply aware of God.”

Luke 9:34b (MSG)

Having spent nearly all of my memorable life in pain, despair and depression with only brief respites of happiness or perceived joy, I know what it is to be buried in a cloud.  The idea of finding God in that cloud, the possibility of becoming aware of God in that cloud, is a source of hope for even the least hopeful.  To know that I can be buried at the center of my dark, dark storm cloud and still know that God is with me brings comfort, even if the pain is still there and the darkness has not yet given way to light.

Follow that with God speaking to me in the cloud, pointing me toward Jesus, telling me to listen to Jesus.  Listening to Jesus provides a manual for living a life not so consumed with darkness.  I didn’t always see it that way – I was too far in the cloud and too stubborn to believe there was a way out – but it is true.  It doesn’t mean no more suffering and no more pain, but it does mean peace through every trial, joy in despair, and love that knows no limits. 

As they found themselves buried in the cloud, they became deeply aware of God.  Then there was a voice out of the cloud: “This is my Son, the Chosen!  Listen to him.”

Amen!  :D



©LKB

Today, I Stop and Think

Psalm 116:115

“When they arrive at the gates of death, God welcomes those who love him.”  (MSG)

I am aware that there are other dates marking great tragedies which have happened in my young lifetime, but none has impacted me because they all seem remote and foreign.  While this morning many Americans have a moment of silence to remember the lives lost on September 11, 2001, I think also of the troops who have given their lives in service to our country since.  I remember and pray for especially my very good friend who is on yet another tour of duty in the Middle East. 

I also think of the citizens of those and other countries, who have suffered unimaginable living conditions and know nothing better.  I think of peoples who have suffered mass genocide at the hands of a murderous dictator.  I think of those who have suffered torture of the most barbaric kind.  I think of those who are forced to flee as refugees into a foreign place where they may not be welcomed.  I think of those who have none of what we as Americans consider our most basic human rights and freedom.

When I stop and think about it, there are many evil awful things that happen in this world.  Which is why I generally don’t stop and think about it.  Yet on this day we pause to remember, I choose to stop and think. 

Today’s verse says at death God will welcome those who love him.  I believe this applies to all people.  Every human on earth may not know the God I know, but we all each are little pieces of God (made in his image!).  God loves every piece of himself, in death we all return to being one with him and he welcomes us all home. 

As we say during the Prayers of the People (form III out of the Book of Common Prayer) at my Episcopal church,

“We praise you for your saints who have entered into joy;
May we also come to share in your heavenly kingdom.”

Today, my prayers are with all those who lost loved ones on this day, those who have sacrificed their lives fighting for peace and those who continue to fight in service to our country.

Amen.

David's Got the Right Idea

Psalm 77:2

Psalms are pretty popular, and for good reason.  Throughout all the psalms, David is a roller coaster of human emotion.  I see myself in many of his words and can identify with a lot of his feelings.  While I have to turn some verses into metaphors for my own life (i.e. I am not a king and do not fight battles against other nations), many ring clear and true written just as they are in just about every version of the bible.

I have plenty of highlighted verses throughout the book of Psalms.  Having spent so much of my life in pain, many of them are verses which highlight David's anguish, his times of sorrow, when he fears that God has turned his back. 

In today's psalm, my highlighted verse is verse 2: "I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.  When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right," I didn't believe a word they said."  (MSG)

This is one of the reasons I love The Message and the way it is written.  So often, in all my times of distress, friends would attempt to comfort me by saying some form of those exact words.  Other versions of the bible read that David's soul was not or refused to be comforted.  I do identify with those words as well, but the way it is spelled out in The Message carries far more weight for me.  "...my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal."  Throughout many of my darkest times I wrote a lot of poetry.  One untitled poem from 2004 begins,
      
       "It's a scar that's still an open wound
       that no amount of time can seem to heal..."

Over and over again, I identify with David's pain.  "I'm desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather." Ps 55:8 (MSG)  "I'm caught in a maze and can't find my way out, blinded by my tears of pain and frustration. ... For as long as I remember I've been hurting."  Ps 88:9, 15 (MSG)  "Long enough, God - you've ignored me long enough."  Ps 13:1 (MSG)

The neat thing about David and his psalms, though, is that verses like those are very few.  Verses expressing pain and grief are not few, but in most of the psalms, David immediately asks God for help or reassures himself by ruminating on God's love, strength and forgiveness.  "And me?  I'm a mess.  I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me.  You can do it; you've got what it takes..." Ps 40:17 (MSG)  "If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it.  The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up." Ps 94:17-19 (MSG)

While David has his moments where he is stuck in the pit, trapped in that dark place, more often than not he quickly runs to God for rescue.  Without hesitation, he lifts his hands high so that God may grab onto them and haul him out of the pit. 

Without hesitation, he lifts his hands high so that God may grab onto them.

When I am in so much pain, it is easy for me to forget God's heavenly mercy.  It's easy for me to forget that God wants to give me joy.  It's easy to forget that it is from God that I draw strength, it is God who saves me, and it is God who covers me in his grace.  I need to take a lesson from David who, in the midst of a losing battle, trusts that God will bring him through.

Amen!  :D