Just. Be. Still.

“Relax, Daniel, don’t be afraid. From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

I got up on the wrong side of the bed today. I was in good head space when I went to sleep, but I woke up angry and combative. Never a great way to start the day.

The day started anyway, and I worked to stop the running arguments in my head as I went through my usual morning motions. I sent up a handful of hurried prayers for God to release me. The arguments persisted. I grabbed a notebook and angrily wrote out about three or four pages of what was going on in my mind. If it hadn’t been for time, I would’ve written more. As I threw together my things to hurry out the door for work, I dialed my sponsor in hopes of releasing some of the tumult. No answer.

Arriving at work, I glossed the subject with a co-worker and friend in whom I can confide, touching only the basic idea of what had me so afflicted. He offered some limited perspective and helped by giving me a couple of extra things to consider. I calmed a bit and began my work day. As I feel tends to happen when I am already in a state of agitation, several things popped up just within the first three hours that grated on my raw nerves. Another co-worker approached and undeservedly received a barrage of angry words about the things that had irritated me in the past hour.

Knowing I needed to do something to change my attitude, I stepped outside to take a few minutes and pray. The first thing that came to my mind was the Prayer of St. Francis. Following that, a few deep breaths in stillness and earnest requests to God to help me seek to be compassionate and understanding. Opening my eyes I picked up my Bible and the page fell open to Daniel. Highlighted on the page, I saw first, “’Don’t be afraid, friend. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. Take courage. Be strong.” (Daniel 10:19; MSG) As I read and re-read the words, I indeed felt peace seep in.

Further up on the page the highlighted words, “From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard.” (Daniel 10:12; MSG)

As I sat in my car and breathed in the warmth and sunshine wafting in through the open windows, the war of the morning subsided.

I just needed to be still for a few minutes, call out to God from the stillness, then sit with him in the stillness. Why, oh, why, oh, why does it seem so difficult for me to just. be. still. It is one of the primary reasons why one of my Lenten commitments was to this blog. As evidenced by the lack of recent posts, I allowed other things in life to win out yet again. Always there is the struggle to differentiate between treating myself with grace and allowing behavior to continue that is inconsistent with what I believe or what I desire in my life.

And ultimately, that is the underlying issue right now with anything I approach.

So here is a revision for this last week and a half of Lent, most especially for Holy Week, a time to which I should devote myself in earnest to what the week remembers. If I write a reflection, great. If I don’t get to it, no sweat. More importantly than anything else, I need to spend time in stillness. So my commitment is to make that time. To apologize to anyone or anything that I must miss for it, and to make that time. To show God I’m serious about this and I want my relationship with him more than anything else.

My prayer today is that those of you who stumble across this blog and also struggle with stillness find the strength with me to sit quietly with God every day. To make space for God rather than fit God in.

Amen.

Throw Open the Door

“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us… We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand – out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace & glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” (Romans 5:1-2; MSG, para.)

Romans 5:2 is one of my favorite verses. I love the imagery and I love the message. Today as I consider the peace I find in stepping into willingness and saying, “Okay, God,” I can’t help but think of this verse. The more I open my mind to allow God to work however he will – even if it doesn’t look how I think I want it to look – the more I realize he continues to set me free. When I stop being stubborn and remove the barriers I’ve set between myself and God’s will, I throw open my door to him. And there he is, smiling, saying, “I’m glad you came around. Just wait and see what we’re going to do together now.”

Just wait and see.

Yesterday, as I stepped into willingness concerning some present stressful circumstances (the stress all completely manifested by me, mind you), I felt less negatively overwhelmed by not knowing what to do and more positively overwhelmed with knowing I have options and there are things I can do if I am willing. Open mind, open heart, open door to God. And following my release of the white knuckle grip I had on the situation, I began to receive affirmation in many different ways, which confirmed for me that I am indeed stepping into God’s will with this issue. Imagine that!

Just wait and see.

Actively participating in a twelve-step program often means being willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean & sober. This often includes getting out of our comfort zones, doing things we don’t feel like doing and going the extra mile when we think we’ve run as far as we can. Our very lives depend on it. Stepping into the will of God shouldn’t be any different. Am I willing to do whatever it takes to live the life he designed for me? Even though at times it may mean troubles, discomfort, pain, distress or struggle? God, give me the strength to say, “Yes,” every time.

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary – we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” (Romans 5:3-5; MSG)

Just wait and see.

My prayer today is that as I find freedom by throwing my door open to God and willingly stepping into whatever he will do with me next that you also find the courage to remove the things between you and that door. What is God calling you to do today? Push aside those barriers, open the door and gaze into his radiant, smiling face as he opens his arms and says, “I’m glad you came around. Just wait and see what we’re going to do together now.”

Amen! =D

May I Interrupt?

“Simon Peter, when he saw it, fell to his knees before Jesus. “Master, leave. I’m a sinner and can’t handle this holiness. Leave me to myself.” (Luke 5:8; MSG)

Shortly before this moment, Jesus, in an effort to better teach the eager crowd closing in on him, interrupted Simon in his work and had him put his boat back out in the water. I would like to be able to read of this interaction and the time in-between, but maybe it is better to imagine it...

Simon, James and John spend a long, tiring night out on the lake only to come back empty-handed. They beach their boats and begin the thankless task of washing their large nets. Perhaps they think about how many nights there were like this, how they will provide for their families, when they will finally haul in a good catch. Who knows if they even notice or pay attention to Jesus and his growing crowd?

Then Jesus just climbs right into Simon’s boat. Totally hops in uninvited and then has the nerve to ask Simon to get in, too, and put the boat back out in the water. Simon recognizes Jesus as the man who recently healed his mother-in-law (Luke 4:38-39). Feeling a bit obligated, he complies with Jesus’s request, then sits nearby in the boat while Jesus teaches the masses gathered on the shore.

I can’t help but imagine Simon spent that time in the boat much like many of us do in the pew on Sunday. He catches bits and pieces of what Jesus says, but he is distracted. His mind is on the long night and lack of fish. He thinks about the net he has yet to wash. He knows better than to expect James and John will do it for him since he’s stuck out here with this Jesus character. Simon’s attention is feeble at best as he checks off his mental to-do list and tries to prepare for the coming day.

As Jesus wraps up his sermon, Simon yawns. Jesus turns to him and says, “Push out into deep water and let your nets out for a catch.” (Luke 5:4) Simon thinks, “Is he kidding? Seriously? I didn’t catch anything all night and I already have one net waiting for me to wash on the shore and now he wants me to take the boat out again and toss my clean nets out?” He summons all his courage and patience as he again remembers that Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Half-protesting, half-obedient, Simon does as Jesus asks, sure to point out the clear folly in his request as he threw the nets out. Immediately, the nets fill with fish. So many fish that James and John have to bring their boat out to help haul in the catch.

How often do I find myself in this situation? I’m tired, I’m frustrated, nothing’s going my way, I’m worried about bills, I don’t have enough time, and then – God interrupts. Absolutely no consideration for what I think or feel about it, he tells me to put the boat in the water. Then he talks for awhile and I sit in the boat, yawning and half-heartedly listening as I think about things I need to get done. Then God nudges me and says, “Go deeper.” Somewhat reluctantly, I go. And suddenly I find myself in that place of God’s Abundance, that Romans 5:1-2 promise of the Peace and Grace that come side-by-side with stepping out in faith.

I often feel like Simon Peter, falling to my knees and saying, “I do not deserve this.” Because I know, as Simon knew, that I could’ve done better, listened closer, tried harder, been more willing, etc, etc. The thing is, I never could be “good enough” for God’s Grace. I never could do or say enough to earn his Love. Which is why I am thankful that God’s Grace is freely given. There isn’t a thing I have to do to earn his Love – it is already mine without condition. And no matter how many times I fall, he will pick me up, dust me off and kiss me on the forehead as he says, “I forgive you.” Every time.

So how does Jesus reply when Simon falls to his knees and confesses his feelings of unworthiness?

“Jesus said to Simon, “There is nothing to fear.” (Luke 5:10b)

There is nothing to fear.

With that, Jesus tells Simon, James and John that they will be fishers of men. The three new disciples leave everything – everything – behind and follow Jesus. Because it never really was about the fish, was it?

My prayer today is that I work harder to stay focused on that which God reveals to me. It is so easy to be distracted by the things of this world and my daily life. I pray that I may strengthen my ears to therefore be quicker in perking them up when I hear the voice of my God speaking to me.

Amen!

Certainly Not the Least

“I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matt. 25:40, NIV)

Today I want to tell you about Michael.

Michael first attended a service at our church this past summer. He faithfully continued coming every Sunday after for our combined 9:30am service, and transitioned to the 10:30am service when we went back to our 8 and 10am services after Labor Day. Shortly after that, he began attending the 9:15am bible study before church. Michael certainly is not one to miss many of our potluck gatherings, or events at the church which involve food.

In the seven months he has attended our church, I’m not sure if Michael has missed a service. I’ve missed a few due to being out of town, so I can’t say with certainty that he hasn’t missed at all, but I do know that when I am there, he is there. He may have been late a couple of times, but he still showed up for his Jesus time.

I do not know what Michael’s official diagnosis is. Some in our church speculate that it is a form of schizophrenia, which is entirely possible. He carries some mannerisms many of us associate with autism. I would guess Michael’s age to be somewhere between 25 and 35. Depending on how well his meds are working, he might be able to communicate something that resembles a coherent thought. As we’ve gotten to know Michael, some of us are able to understand what he’s trying to say – if we pay close enough attention.

When Michael started coming to our church we had to make some personal adjustments. His imaginary friend often misbehaves during the service and Michael will argue with him and tell him to be quiet. This was a shock to our systems, to our traditional hearts that are not used to such interruption to the readings or the sermon. Some parishioners took longer to adjust than others, with scolding glances thrown in Michael’s direction (which of course had little to no effect). Michael occasionally gets up out of his pew and delivers notes to our priest while he gives the sermon at the podium.

It took some time to adjust, but gradually Michael became a beloved and necessary part of our family. In spite of his apparent mental impairments, Michael has enough comprehension to follow our service schedule when we have special services; as I mentioned above he comes to nearly every potluck dinner; he attends Sunday school where one lady always gets his coffee while he finds a donut; and he even attended confirmation classes with the youth group. He knows what it means to pray, and I’ve never been so moved watching someone receive communion as when Michael does. There is no question in my mind that he knows the meaning of Grace, even if he never could tell us so.

Of all the people in my church, perhaps none embraced Michael so immediately and lovingly as our priest. Rev. Jim didn’t bat an eye or falter in his sermon when Michael showed up and argued with the unseen troublemaker in his pew. The first time Michael came up the aisle during the sermon to deliver a bulletin with simple and incoherent words scrawled across it, Rev. Jim broke his message only to accept the note, smile and say, “Thank you Michael,” and pick right back up where he was. He was sure to welcome Michael after church, and has invested time in learning more about him through community contacts in an effort to better understand his situation.

To say that there were no dissenters would be a lie. There were a very few who didn’t like Michael’s repeated attendance and disruption of the service. For the most part, though, my beautiful church family welcomed him and loved him just as they welcome and love all who come through our doors, just as they welcomed and loved me when I came through the doors. And as we got to know Michael and he got to know us, we found a balance. His outbursts are fewer and farther between and he lets us get a little closer to him to at the exchange of peace, though still isn’t always all about the touch of a handshake. He recently celebrated his birthday, for which one of our members brought a cake to coffee hour and a couple of small gifts such as gloves to keep his hands warm this winter.

In the last few months, as South Carolina Episcopalians were thrown into a battle of church politics and religion, I’ve lost count of the number of times that, in my church family, the conversation has quickly turned to a story about Michael. Because Michael’s membership at our church and the way our parish family embraces him as one of our own exemplifies the Christian message. It reminds us in an obvious and tangible way who we are and why we follow Christ. We have grown together, Michael learning from us and, most importantly, us learning from Michael.

Could it be any coincidence he showed up shortly before the diocesan upheaval began?

My personal belief is that there is no such thing as coincidence. I find strength in the bond of my spiritual family, our open arms and our desire to follow Christ and share the good news. I find great hope while watching our leader grow from some apparent disenchantment into a greater shepherd of his flock, desiring to protect us and keep us in the light. Perhaps Michael taught him a few things, too.

Today I pray that those who are seeking will be met with the grace and love that Michael found. May God lead them with open minds toward open doors and open hearts.

Amen! :D

A House of Prayer for All People

"Make sure no outsider who now follows God ever has occasion to say, ‘God put me in second-class. I don’t really belong.’ … And as for those outsiders who now follow me, working for me, loving my name and wanting to be my servants – I’ll bring them to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. They’ll be welcome to worship the same as the ‘insiders.’ Oh yes, my house of worship will be known as a house of prayer for all people.” The Decree of the Master, God himself, who gathers in the exiles of Israel.” Isaiah 56:3, 6-8 (MSG)

Why some insist on picking and choosing scripture that excludes, rejects, condemns and promotes intolerance, I don’t understand. My personal experience of the Good Book is mostly messages of Love, Forgiveness, Acceptance…

Especially if we call ourselves Christians, proclaiming to follow Jesus – who himself said the most important commandments were Love God with everything in you and Love People, too (See Matt. 22:34-40), not to mention he constantly broke religious laws, healed people on the Sabbath, threw a fit and turned over tables in the temple, hung out with the dregs of society and railed against the Pharisees and Sadducees who were so rigid in their rules and traditions, intolerant and unaccepting of those who didn’t think like them (See Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) – it seems we send a conflicting message when we pluck certain condemning scriptures and judge others by them.

As a greater part of my church is in conflict and we strive to discern God’s will nationally, regionally and as parishes and individuals, my constant prayer is for Jesus to be present, that we remember to keep Christ in Christianity.

I praise and give thanks for my own church family, especially as I see those in leadership working hard to keep us moving in the right direction, following God’s will, remaining as bearers of the Good News with our doors, arms and hearts open to all.

“As for me and my family, we’ll worship God.” Josh. 24:15 (MSG)

If you feel rejected, excluded, unloved, or if you’ve turned away from God, Christianity or religion because you feel it has turned away from you, come to my house. Come see God’s love alive and present in my church.* We will welcome you and love you as the Child of God you are.

And if you can’t come to my church, I pray God will lead you to one like it. I’ve been blessed to experience many churches like my own in my travels – I know they exist and are waiting for you. Just ask God to take you there.

Today and all days, I lift up my greater church, all of us who find a home in it, and for Christians everywhere – I pray we keep Christ in Christianity and let his message, God’s message of Love, be that which takes priority above all others.

Amen! =D

*If you are in the greater Charleston, SC area and looking for a church home, feel free to contact me.

I’ll Build on the Solid Stuff, Thanks.

I would like to thank a friend who recently started blogging for reminding me how I’ve neglected mine. This weekend while I’m taking time to re-balance my center and quiet the devil trying to knock me off of it, I thought this a good time to revisit my reflections & devotional writing.

“These words I speak to you are not mere additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundation words, words to build a life on.” (Luke 6:47; MSG)

It used to be when I fell out of contact with people that I was isolating myself. Whether I was too depressed, too caught up in one addiction or another, or both, generally I isolated because I believed the lies I told myself that I was nothing more than a waste of space and no one really cared anyway. Often, my tipping point came as a direct result of misplaced focus: putting too much of myself into something that was not guaranteed. It didn’t matter if it was person, place or thing; all were capable of producing the same results. When faced with the disappointment that ultimately comes from such misplaced focus, my response was to play the role of both victim and perpetrator and drive myself deeper into the darkness for awhile.

The problem is that I was building my life on sand.

My Midwestern family often vacationed in cities along the Florida coast. Being landlocked the rest of the year, the beach was one of our favorite things about vacation. Even as a small child who saw the ocean once a year, I quickly figured out that my sand creations would be destroyed by waves if I built them too close to the water. I also remember getting frustrated because the sand was hard to pack firm and often fell in on itself. And should a rogue foot come into contact with it, my masterpiece would quickly and easily crumble.

In my life, however, it took quite a bit longer to figure out the parallel.

I’ve worked hard to improve and strengthen my faith and my relationship with God as well as my life. It makes me happy that, though I might not recall which specific scriptures they are, stuff I’ve read in the Good Book is what comes to mind often as I go throughout my days. For awhile I prayed that praying would come easier to me; now I find I pray almost all the time. My focus is God. I’ve made God my foundation and I’m building my life on his Truth. It’s a much better life, a sturdier life. God is my rock, my root, my guaranteed thing.

God doesn’t let me down, God doesn’t disappoint. If I feel like he has, it probably means I didn’t get something I wanted, or the way I thought I wanted it. When God is my focus, I can take life as it is, not as I think I’d like it to be. With all my trust in God, the people, places and things around me can’t knock me down so easily. With my foundation on God’s solid rock, the devil can kick me as much as he wants, but he will walk away bruised.

So when I feel more susceptible to attack, it’s time to check my focus. If my peace is disturbed around certain people or by what I know to be false perceptions, it’s time to check my focus. If I’m spending more time thinking about peripheral things than meditating on God’s Word and will for my life... it’s time to check my focus. What am I looking at here – God or something else?

The best way to know is to crack the Good Book and see if I’m immersed in the light and living in truth on God’s firm foundation, or if I’ve allowed myself to build on some sand.

“These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit – but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.” (Matt. 7:24-27; MSG)

God, I pray that I continue to build my life upon you, that I may be unshakable, fixed to your truth. When the enemy strikes, help me to stand firm as I yell the battle cry, “I will not be moved!”

Amen. :D

Kindness is Catching, You Know

2 Timothy 2:20-26

“Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing.” (2 Tim. 2:21; MSG)

I refuse not to believe in the basic good of all people.

What it comes down to is that we all have pasts. We’ve all been hurt, mistreated, abused, used, abandoned, praised, loved, hated, worshiped, forgotten, lied to… Everything everyone says or does is directly influenced by what happened to her and how she has or has not dealt with it.

This in no way excuses poor behavior, it merely explains it.

But at the core, at the seed of our being, we are all good people. God created each one of us, after all. Yet while God is so Amazing and Wonderful and Good, the world we created with our free will is often harsh and cynical and terrifying.

Society – at least in the corner of the world with which I am familiar – is far more slanted toward the negative than the positive, and more toward the individual than the group. Social implications teach us to tear others down to make ourselves look or feel better rather than build each other up. Tabloids and gossip shows exploit the famous, highlighting their faults and failures. Reality shows are often edited to show people at their worst, treating each other poorly and creating unnecessary drama. We find this entertaining, I think, because seeing what’s wrong with others’ lives makes us feel better about our own. Bad day at work? Boss was mean? Go home, kick back to reality TV and feel better by watching the petty drama. Or turn on the news and feel better about the blah of life because at least we aren’t in Syria, our kids haven’t been kidnapped, or our house didn’t catch fire.

Imagine what would happen if all that was taken away. Imagine if we focused on the good things and didn’t glorify negative news. Imagine what the world would be like if we really did just love each other.

These days, as I continue growing in my spirit-filled life, I work hard to stay positive, to encourage others, to give compliments, perform random acts of kindness, go out of my way to be nice to others – even if they aren’t nice to me. It does not take long to see the impact this has on the people around me. And I’m just one person!

Robin Sharma, an inspirational author, once said, “Leave each person better than you found them.” I was taught growing up to leave a place better than I found it. (Babysitting? Clean up a little bit, even if they didn’t ask.) I love, love, love the idea of applying that to people and I am implementing it into my behavior. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a coworker, family member, or clerk at the grocery store. Smile, be polite, engage. Doing that we just might make someone’s day.

I remember an email chain going around once that was the story of two boys, one of which was severely bullied. One day, the second boy went out of his way to be kind to the first, walking home with him and talking to him about the day. Years later, the bullied boy told the second boy that he had planned on killing himself that night until the second boy was nice to him. That one act of kindness gave him enough hope to carry on. We may never know what chain reaction our kindness has, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it can have incredible power! A kind word, a smile, a nice gesture…  Who knows what it could do for someone?!

So how does this relate to my refusing not to believe in the basic good of all people? In my interactions with others, it is that Good Seed God planted toward which I speak and act. If someone is rude toward me, I don’t talk to the rudeness. I reach out to the Good Seed. If someone offers harsh criticism, after he walks away I pray over his day and whatever may be going on in his life (Matt 5:44).

Now, it is important to bear in mind that this is a Christ-like attribute toward which to strive. It is an aspect of a spirit-filled life, a God-gift. We must, must, must always remember that we are human, we are not perfect, and we will not be able to keep this up 100% of the time. There is stuff going on in our lives, too. Just yesterday I allowed tired frustration to color my interaction with a pharmacy associate. She was only kind to me, but I was tired after a long day of work, irritated that they didn’t have what I wanted, beyond ready to go home, and therefore not as pleasant as I could’ve been. Even Jesus couldn’t keep it up 100% of the time (“Jesus was irate and let them know it…” see Mark 10:14), and if HE couldn’t do it, WE certainly can’t expect to. The key is to keep that in mind, to heighten our awareness of our attitudes toward others, to recognize and acknowledge when we fall short, and to pray about it, asking for forgiveness and the strength to do better the next time.

My prayer tonight is that I continue to work toward kindness, to seek out the Good Seed in everyone I meet, and that I can create sparks and light matches that help spread the Holy Fire of God’s Grace and Love.

Amen!  :D

Are You Tired?

Lately I’ve been under the attack of insomnia. Lack of sleep and always being on the go have left little energy for anything else. Though I’m still praying and spending time in the word, I have not been spending good, solid quiet time with my God. And I’m thirsty, so, so thirsty.

I’ve been blocked, completely without inspiration, and all the times I’ve sat down to write, words do not come – or if they do, they only spill onto the page in a jumbled mess.

But I will not let the enemy win by giving in to this severe exhaustion. He’s been able to take me down by depriving me of sleep in the past, but it will not work this time. I will not crumble under the weight of this fatigue. After all, I can rest in the arms of my Jesus.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG)

I gave today completely to God. After church I came home, changed my clothes, then went to the place where I always feel so close to him: the beach. It was a glorious, sunny day and I walked with bare feet on the sand, allowing thoughts to come in and go right out of my head, trying to clear the brain-clutter and just be with God.

When he said, “Be still,” I stopped and sat down in the sand. I laid back, arms stretched out, and until my mind could quiet, I asked to give over anything I was holding onto, for God to reveal and help me release whatever was holding me back. I gave him my exhaustion, my sleep troubles. Then I focused on asking him to fill me up, to breathe into me. And then I was still.

I would’ve thought more time had passed with how peaceful and rested I felt, lying there in the sand, just hanging out with God. And as the rain started to roll in and I walked back to my car, I didn’t feel quite so tired anymore. My energy was renewed and the light was brighter in my eyes.

Here’s to making the time to be still. Even when I am exhausted and I feel there are other things to do, what can wait until tomorrow so that I may take a few minutes to just sit and be still with my God?

Gratitude

Matthew 6:31-34

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (MSG)

Amen!

Resistance is Futile, Anyway

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

“We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken.”  (MSG, italics mine)

I have been wandering in the wilderness.  There were only a few times I ventured very far from the pasture; mostly I was hanging out near the gate thinking about going in, or walking along the fence, but on the outside.  I kept my communication with God open, but I found myself resisting him.  I acknowledged my resistance, asked for forgiveness, then plopped down by the gate, where I sat for the last month, trying to summon the energy to stand, dust off, then run as fast as I could into the arms of my God.

The last three and a half months have been difficult.  A period of let-downs, loss, shattered hope, death, grief and confusion followed the catalyst event referred to in, Really, God?  Before Christmas there was anger.  After Christmas, I went into maintenance mode.  There was a lot of reaching for God through the final sickness and death of my grandmother, with whom I was very close.  Then came exhaustion and just moving from day to day through life’s busyness. 

Fatigued, I sat down just outside the gate of God’s green pasture.  I said, “I surrender.  Here.  I don’t want it, I trust you to do what needs to be done.  But I’m tired and I need to sit for awhile.”  And in my weakness, he found strength.  I haven’t yet run back into the lushest of the grass, but I am inside the gate.  My peace once again is not fleeting or easily disrupted, and I have amazed myself in this last week at how I have grown, at what God has done with me. 

It astounds me to no end how I can come and go and come and go.  I suppose it is human nature, and if I’ve learned anything from the Old Testament about human nature, it is that we come and go.  The Israelites are an extreme example, but reading through the Psalms and the stories of David, I find someone human to whom I can really relate. 

There are still troubles, but not nearly as many.  I still don’t know what to do, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God knows what to do.  So I’m going to let him do it.  And as we move into this season of Lent, I will strive to reignite the flame that burned so brightly last fall. 

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God...” 2 Cor 4:6 (NIV).

Dear Lord, let Light shine out of the darkness in my life.  Help me to move forward in love with faith and trust, surrendering myself to you and believing that you are working good from this thing I call my life.  Grant me humility during this Lenten season and beyond.  Bring me ever closer to you and hold me in your heart.

Amen.

*In the spirit of no alle...lu’s during Lent, my equivalent happy face after the Amen will be on vacation until Easter.     

Lifted Up

1 Peter 5:10

“The suffering won’t last forever.  It won’t be long before [the God of all grace] this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ – eternal and glorious plans they are! – will have you put together and on your feet for good [will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast].”  (1 Pet. 5:10, MSG [NIV])

I’ve been hanging out in the desert for the past week or so.  I didn’t feel completely disconnected from God, but I knew I wasn’t where he wanted me to be.  He provided for me, then I ran with a couple of things on my own and actually kind of shut him out.  I kept talking to God some, but I wasn’t really listening for any response or direction. 

I’ve written recently about God allowing things to happen in my life for the purpose of teaching me about myself. I also outright prayed for him to break me because I know it can take drastic measures to hammer a point home with me sometimes. 

God was listening.  He watched as I wrote one day about a part of my life I always take back where I needed to learn patience, then watched as less than a week later I had already forgotten and was charging forward on my own. 

The series of events that took place just over this past weekend alone were so perfectly orchestrated to break me in such a precise manner that I was standing on the rim of hell before I lifted my hands high and God picked me up.  In a matter of moments, I went from being a completely and utterly terrified mess to resting in God’s arms, at peace, lighter than I have felt yet.  I could not have looked at the whole situation and seen how many things God was going to use it to heal.  It was impossible to know until it happened just how he was working it all in me. 

I feel God everywhere, but I feel especially connected to him at the beach.  I ended up on an empty beach Sunday evening, which is where this moment of healing took place.  God took me out there, when I had no idea I was even near a beach, and it just so happened to be a beach I have only been to one other time – another time God took me there for healing.

Standing at the water’s edge, I watched the sun set and felt God lift me up as I reached for him.  He restored peace and quiet to my soul, and took yet more things from me that have caused me pain.  I felt a renewed sense of joy, and when I stepped back, I was blown away by how symbolic my footprints in the sand were.  I’ve never had footprints quite like these.  Instead of being imprinted in the sand, they were extruded, almost as evidence of the weight God had lifted from me, evidence that he had lifted me up.

I’m thinking I should hang these footprints up as a reminder.  God’s grace is beyond measure and his mercy never ceases.

Amen!  :D



Singin’ Don’t Worry

Psalm 34:4, 6

“God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.  When I was desperate to God, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.”  (MSG)

I’m small in stature, so it’s very easy for me to fit into tight spots.  I lost count a long time ago how many times God has gotten me out of them.  My life, for the better part of it thus far, was lived finding tight spots and not paying much attention to God.  But when I got stuck, I called out, and he was always there.

The life of tight spots is a very anxious life.  Living in today’s society, even, it can be difficult not to feel anxious.  In spite of lessons that over and over teach us we need not worry (i.e. Matt 6:25-34), so many things today drive us onward to fear.  “Be afraid, the world is in peril!” the news shouts.  “This recession will never end,” headlines scream. 

But apart from the world in general, there is a whole host of things about we make ourselves anxious in day-to-day life.  It is exhausting to live in constant worry.  And it is in no way productive or helpful in getting us through our days.

God indeed freed me from my anxious fears.  Just yesterday I stopped to take notice of what he’s done for me in giving me his peace which passes all understanding.  I am open to it most of time now, only closing off to it when I’m having one of my doubtful moments or being tempted by a tight spot. 

In a many faceted situation, I was graced with an opportunity to make some extra money by jumping onto a project with an approaching deadline.  Given all the nuances of the situation, in the past I would have been anxious about a number of things walking into this.  Instead, with the grace of God, I peacefully and cheerfully walked in and then quickly settled in, never feeling out of place or unable to do the task set before me.

It was incredible.

What was even more incredible was the fact that since God’s peace has started to become almost second nature to me, I didn’t even realize until halfway through the day how I would have felt had I been in this position even six months ago.

God doesn’t stand on one side of the beach and wait for me to travel the whole distance to him.  The moment I take a step toward him, the moment I reach out my arms in his direction, he comes running toward me, arms open wide.  He’ll meet me more than halfway, and when he scoops me up in his arms and I’m wrapped up in his loving embrace, I am reassured and have no reason to be afraid.

Amen!  :D

Where is Your Quiet Place?

Matthew 6:6

“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God.  Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage.  The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.” (MSG)

In a world where keeping up appearances is such a common compulsion, it can be difficult to pull oneself out of that bad habit, even when talking to God.  It is imperative that I am transparent when I go to God.  No pretentions, no sugar-coating, no grazing the surface of deeper things. 

To open myself up in such a way is to be incredibly vulnerable – a nearly impossible task if I am not alone.  There are plenty of times I have gone to God with deep, deep wounds and sobbed to him over my greatest troubles in a way I never could have even with my closest friend. 

In the quiet, secluded place, I can be vulnerable and completely open myself up to communion with God.  My prayer need not be complex.  A simple, short prayer will suffice just as much as pouring out my heart and soul.  However the spirit moves me, in my solitude I may move with it. 

I am still working on maintaining my focus on God once it shifts while I sit in quiet meditation.  My attention span and ability to concentrate are not the strongest things.  But God knows I am trying, and my effort speaks more to him than being able to sit still in one spot and keep my mind from drifting to some random thing that happened during the day after two minutes of focusing on him. 

As I continue to practice meditating and spending time in that quiet, secluded place, my ability to maintain focus will get better, God and I can grow closer, and I will feel his grace.  I find it helpful at times to simply repeat to myself, “God is with me,” or “Be still and know that I am God.”  Even a one-word repetitive prayer such as, “Peace,” or “Love,” can be sufficient to keep my mind where I want it: On God.

As I go through this day I pray that I can find moments to slip into that quiet place, to offer up prayers of gratitude and prayers for strength, keeping as best I can my focus on God and not on the world around me.  And may I ever sense his grace!

Amen!  :D

God is With Me

 

Image Source: Amanda Geisinger

Joshua 1:5b, 9b

“In the same way I was with Moses, I’ll be with you.  I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength!  Courage!  Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged.  God, your God, is with you every step you take.” (MSG)

God is with me.  This has been my mantra for a couple of days.  And it’s good to get a reminder that God won’t give up on me.

Looking over the last few entries I wrote as well as verses coming out of my devotionals, I can make no mistake that the events that took place over the last few days were all a part of the plan.  God knows far better than I do what needs to happen and what I need to go through in order to see where I really am with him in this new life.  It is no coincidence that I just wrote about how I have to know what I am not in order to know what I am.

God will never give me more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:13), but sometimes I have to push myself to the limit.  I may not always be the biggest fan of the growth experiences God lines up for me.  The last few have been so intense that I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to come out unscathed.  Each rattled me in ways that were new and unfamiliar.

But the intensity was necessary to teach me vital lessons.  And I have no doubt the teaching is not over and that I have many more of these trials through which I will go.  God isn’t finished with me yet (Philippians 1:6), but he has great plans for me (Jer. 29:11) which were planned out before I even lived one day (Psalm 139:16).  Who am I to question it?  God knows what’s going on and that’s all that matters.  I need to trust him. 

All of this in its own gnarled way has increased my awareness of God in my life.  God knows he needs to rock me to my core to make things stick where I am in life right now.  In time, he may not have to pack such a powerful punch, but while I’m still shedding my old skin, he knows he has to bowl me over to get my attention. 

As I continue growing into this new God life, I pray that he knocks me over as many times as he needs to for me to get the message.  I also pray that I never forget what it means to be broken, even if that means God has to continue to allow me to break now and then. 

God is with me – he always has been and he always will be.

Amen!  :D