God and Donuts

“Only take care, son of man, that you don’t rebel like these rebels. Open your mouth and eat what I give you.” (Ezekiel 2:8, MSG)

This morning I ate six donuts. After the sixth, I got a spoon and scraped the sugary, oily glaze off the bottom of the empty box. Doing this broke several of the commitments I’ve made to God and to myself regarding food & nutrition, and already I can feel the unpleasant side effects starting to take shape. It is safe to say I am not at my spiritually (or physically) healthiest this morning.

The part of me that likes to make excuses says, “Well, eating six donuts certainly is preferable to drinking or putting other mind-altering substances in my body. God can forgive this.” Perhaps this is true. After all, God forgives everything. But getting down to the bottom of it, I didn’t need to eat the donuts at all. It was a cop-out, a diversion, and in its own way, abuse of a mind-altering substance. How about that? Donuts are a mind-altering substance. A lot of food can be. Especially for people like me who struggle with various forms of food addiction and eating disorders.

With all of the spiritual, therapeutic and programmatic tools I have for addressing and dealing with stress and difficult situations, why did I feel the need to plow through a box of donuts? It’s worth examining. Was it rebellion? An act out of anger at the situation presenting as the stressor? Was it simply not having the energy to exercise impulse control?

From the moment I made the conscious decision to get in the car to go buy donuts, I knew it was a bad idea. With every bite of each of the six donuts, I hated what I was doing. The act also brought to light an interesting revelation: eating the donuts opened a door for self-loathing and flagellation, things which now I strive to avoid doing, but once defined a comfortable misery in which I lived. Yet another indicator of an unhealthy spiritual condition. Being hard on myself is easier than being hard on anyone else.

So why did I do it? I honestly believe it comes back to rebellion. Given that I knew what I was doing with every step and bite I took, I have to believe it was rebellion. I’ve seen how well I’ve managed the impulse control recently with food, so I really don’t feel I can blame it on that. It was rebellion. I was unhappy with how a situation presented itself and, in anger, I ate donuts at God. I did not eat and enjoy them with God or bless God for them or bless them as gifts from God; I ate them in open defiance, eating them at him. As with anything that happens in that manner, though, I only harmed myself.

Withholding forgiveness and giving into certain temptations can bring about the same result. We get angry with a spouse, so we drink to get back at him, yet we harm ourselves. We get angry with a sister, so we stop talking to her to get back at her, yet we harm ourselves. We get upset about something at work, so we take it out on others in our job, yet we harm ourselves.

There is a quote I’ve heard repeated several times that says, “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Well, not forgiving God is like eating six consecutive donuts and waiting for him to feel sick, get bloated, experience a sugar crash and not fit into his jeans.

It’s okay to get angry with God. What’s not okay is to cause harm to myself or others because I don’t like how life came at me on any particular day. What’s not okay is forsaking working toward being a healthier me because I’m upset about something. I am human; I will fall. But every time I recognize my fall, I have the opportunity to turn my face upward, reach out my hands and say, “Okay, that was dumb. Please help me get up and please show me how I can do this better next time.”

My prayer today is that as I find the strength to ask God to grant me grace in dealing with myself, that you also find that grace. May we find the grace to forgive God for not giving us life as we pictured it and may we find the grace to forgive ourselves for the negative ways we respond when life gets hard.

Amen! =D

Taxes vs. Death

 “Then Jesus said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” (Mark 12:17; NIV)

I started my tax return today. Knowing that I’m not likely to win the lottery to solve financial issues, I jumped into my taxes in hopes of a refund. I was confident that this would be a way God would provide. As I clicked the last button, I felt sick to see that my state return was cancelled out by what I owed to federal.

Generally, I try not to talk dirty or mean about people. I may slip, but I really do try. Except when it comes to the IRS. Especially as it relates to taxes. The words I’ve used to describe how I experience them are profane, but best express how violated I feel time and again by taxes. And I feel like I have no power over them.

After indulging in willful disobedience and consoling myself with food that definitely does not fall under my Lenten dietary commitment, I sat down to write so I didn’t miss the bar on both commitments today. Instantly the story about giving to Caesar popped into my head.

As I prayed and pondered, then picked up and read the verse in its entirety, it hit me square in the face. “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” Giving to Caesar is easy. The government tells me I have to pay them money, so I pay it or suffer penalties. Giving to God? Well, I write a lot about how much I take back from God. I’m a thief and re-gifter to God: “Here, take this. No, I want it back. Here it is again. Can I see that for a minute? Please, I don’t want this; take it.”

I also had to look at what I don’t give to God that is God’s. Time, talents, spiritual gifts. I wrote recently that I don’t want to be that girl hiding her light under a bucket,¹ yet I’m standing face to face with a line of buckets under which I hide.

Lent provides me great opportunity to learn about myself and about my God-given work. I know I’m giving to Caesar what is his, but am I giving to God what is God’s? What am I holding back? Why? Honestly, I feel excited to explore this although I know it means hard work ahead.

Right now I’m making a commitment that will require great effort on my part: No more dirty talk about the tax man. God will provide for all my needs so long as I trust him to do so. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again. And as I step into what may be part of that provision, just maybe I will start removing some buckets.

Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s; give to Me what is Mine; trust me to take care of the rest. Look at the birds and the flowers of the field, carefree in my care. How much more do I care for you! You will find all your everyday human concerns will be met.²

My prayer today is for the strength and courage to come out from under my buckets and step in willingness and obedience into the wide-open, wonderful God-life designed specifically for me. May you also find the way out from under your buckets.

Amen! =D

¹ Am I Consistent? See also Matthew 5:14-16

² Mark 12:13-17; Matthew 22:15-22; Matthew 6:25-34/Luke 12:22-34

Spiritual or Worldly?

"The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. Spirit can be known only by spirit - God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion."  
(1 Corinthians 2:14; MSG)

In my limited experience from this corner of society, on the whole we are not concerned with spiritual matters. We are materialistic consumers who want what we want and we want it now. We are on the go, always busy, not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not spending enough time nurturing ourselves. Go, go, go; work, work, work; do, do, do; spend, spend, spend. We compete for status, trying to keep up with the Jones's possessions, job titles, social circles, piety. Sometimes we compete with the non-conformists, trying to prove that we can conform the least and therefore better than the others.

Even churches and places of worship compete in this world for which denomination (or lack thereof) best exemplifies what it means to be Christian or who lives out the Bible as precisely as possible regardless of inconsistencies. The true meaning of what we claim to believe and follow gets lost and trampled underneath arguments, discord and rivalry.

It is impossible, when wrapped up in all these things, truly to be spiritual. How can I expect to connect openly with God if I'm placing all these other things before him?1 How can I receive what he is so ready and willing to give if I'm too busy trying to get things in this world?2

There is a movement taking place, though, which is pushing more toward the spiritual side of life. Right now it manifests itself in various forms other than religious. A few examples are: Nutrition & fitness self-care, a grassroots effort to move people to healthier eating and living while also taking better care of our God-given planet; Random acts of kindness as a steady trend with an upward swing showing our desire to love our neighbor and make the world a better place; Working for freedom of the expression of love among each other and the different ways that may look in order that we might find harmony.

People yearn for more. We're ready to move out of the desert and stop going in circles around the mountain.3 We are hungry for the spiritual, although it still may seem too taboo among some social groups to admit it. So we move about the undercurrent of acceptable forms of spiritual living, at times completely unaware that what we are doing is exactly that for which God hopes - moving closer to him as we open to our own spirit and in doing so open to God's Spirit. Then, living, breathing and moving together in communion with him, we find our gifts from God.

My prayer today is that I remain focused, not allowing the things of this world to jockey for position with God. In the moments that worry, fear or anything else seek to distract me, I pray for God's wisdom to guide me in righting myself that I may remain open - my spirit and God's Spirit in communion - living and using my gifts to the glory of the Lord.

Amen! =D





1-"Be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do." (James 1:6-8; NLT)
2-"So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give." 
(Hebrews 4:16; MSG)
"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving." (Matthew 6:31; MSG)
3-"Then we turned around and went back into the wilderness. We worked our way in and around the hills for a long, long time. Then God said, "You've been going around in circles in these hills long enough."
(Deuteronomy 2:1-3; MSG para.)

Gratitude

Matthew 6:31-34

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (MSG)

Amen!

Somewhere Between Planting and Harvest

James 5:7-8, 10-11

“You see farmers do this all the time, waiting for their valuable crops to mature, patiently letting the rain do its slow but sure work.  Be patient like that.  Stay steady and strong.” James 5:7b-8a (MSG)

I grew up with farms as neighbors, in a state covered with farmland, with farmers in my family, and kids in farming families at school.  I watched fields rotate corn, soybeans, cattle, and seasons where nothing was planted.  Farmers must know their land and how to work it in order to provide for their families and for the rest of us who go to the grocery store hoping for food to put in our stomachs. 

Farmers are dependent on the weather, which requires much patience.  My dad, who lives on a farm, updates me on how things are going both at planting and harvest time.  This year it rained so much through the spring that the farmers couldn’t get the crops out until much later than usual.  Then the weather became too dry, then too wet again...  It has been a rough farming season in the Midwest. 

But, like the old prophets, the farmers keep going.  “They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit...”  They have to – their lives depend on it.  And if they don’t keep going, we don’t keep eating.

James references Job’s trials and how God brought it all together for him at the end.  So, too, it is, when I work not for myself, but for God, striving to do his will and sticking it out with him through every trial, every test, every bad day, every good day, and so on. 

Even now, as I have gotten more distracted and side-tracked, too new to this whole completely trusting in God and not worrying thing not to take on human concerns, God is pulling it together for me.  Today it was as if he said to me, “Look, you know I’m in control.  Just let go and do what I am telling you to do.  Stop trying to pull it together yourself, even if you’re only trying a little.  I’ve got this.  Just do what I tell you.” 

So I am going to try much, much harder and pray all the more on my surrendering power and my ability to let go and let God and do what he tells me, “Because God cares, cares right down to the last detail.” James 5:11b (MSG) 

He’s got this.  I’ve just got to find my inner farmer and wait for God to make this crop mature, patiently letting his rain do its slow but sure work in me.  Steady and strong.

Amen!  :D

Oh, God, My Faithful German Shepherd

Psalm 23:1

Psalm 23 in its entirety is a good one.  It is perhaps one of the most well-known psalms.  But I really would like to hone in on the first verse today.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want."  NIV
"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need."  NLT
"The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack."  NAB
"The Lord is my shepherd; I lack for nothing."  Oxford Study Bible (Revised English Bible)
"God, my shepherd!  I don't need a thing."  MSG

So, God is my shepherd and I don't need anything.  Cool.

I know in general what a shepherd is.  A shepherd leads & feeds the sheep.  This is a reference used all over the bible, including instructing Christ's followers to be shepherds to his flock and feed his sheep (i.e. 1 Pet. 5:2). Merriam-Webster defines shepherd as: 1: A person who tends sheep; 2: Pastor; 3: German Shepherd.  (God spelled backward is Dog and a German Shepherd is a Dog, therefore a German Shepherd is God in Dog form.)  Dictionary.com gives a similar, but more descriptive definition (which still includes a dog): 1: A person who herds, tends and guards sheep; 2: A person who protects, guides, or watches over a person or group of people; 3: a member of the clergy; 4: the Shepherd, Jesus Christ; 5: Sheepdog.

Hmm...  God is my shepherd.  He tends to me, guards, protects and watches over me, herds me to guide me in the right direction, ministers to me and leads me through Christ's teachings, and loves me unconditionally like a fuzzy, furry pooch that will nip me in the heels should I start to stray from the flock, then lick my face to show me it was out of love.

Sheep don't worry.  At least, not to my knowledge.  Much like my kitties are well provided for as pampered housecats, all of the sheep have their needs met by the shepherd.  He (or the dog) steps in to rescue them should a wolf come hunting.  He leads them to green pastures for the lushest of grass upon which to snack.  (Psalm 23:2)  If one goes missing, he searches to find it.  (Luke 15:4-7)

God is my shepherd and I am his sheep and shepherds provide all the sheep need, therefore God provides all I need.

But I have tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt and am carrying a balance on my credit card.  But I just got laid off and am unemployed, not earning any income to pay on said debts.  But food for my belly and gas for my car cost more of that money I don't have. But, but, but.  I need to sit on my but and trust that God will provide.  If I haven't learned that by now, I need to start paying better attention.

"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion.  There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body.  Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God.  And you count far more to him than birds.  What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."  Matt. 6:25-26, 31, 33b.  (MSG)

Amen!  :D